Skin and Bones

I keep stroking his hair as I glance over at the clock again.
11:56

I want time to go faster. But then again; I want it to stop.
I gaze down at him and stroke a hand softly over his black locks. I close my eyes in order to fully relish in the feeling of his long breaths on my stomach.
I have no idea how we wounded up in this position, but we did.
And I love it.

11:57
It’s become a subconscious move by now to glance over to check the time.
I didn’t plan on waking up, but I did. I didn’t plan on staying awake and gazing down at him, but I did. And while I did, I came to a conclusion.
I came up with the perfect birthday present for Gerard. It’s half homemade and half stolen. If you can say it like that…

11:59
I smile and lean down to kiss Gerard on the corner of his mouth. I feel him pull a muscle before I pull my lips away, but when I look at him, his face is unchanged.
I run my hand through his hair and tug lightly – not to hurt him, just to wake him.
And softly, he starts grunting and moaning.

He mumbles something that might’ve been a ‘stop’, but I can’t be sure. He could’ve been mumbling ‘slut’, but I kinda doubt it. Unless he’s dreaming about someone he hates.
I lean down and kiss him again, and this time he stirs before I pull my lips away.

“No,” he mumbles and reaches a hand up. He starts grabbing at the air in order to find me, and I grin silently at how cute and funny he looks.

“Happy birthday,” I say softly and lean down again. Right before my lips catches his, his hand catches my neck clumsily.
It seem that he quickly figures out the full extent of the situation, because within a second he pushes my neck down and my lips crash onto his. I feel him moan – his lips vibrating.
We pull away.

“Thank you,” he whispers dreamily. I grin – my smile stretching from ear to ear.
I slowly and carefully push at him.

“Wait here. I’m just gonna…“ I trail off – not wanting to ruin the element of surprise.
Gerard moans his complaints, but lets me go nonetheless, allowing me to get to my pants over by his desk.
I pull a note out of the pocket and stand up straight to see him settling his face in his pillow.
“Gerard?” My voice is tiny and timid, yet I do find the strength to show a bit of determination.
Gerard opens one eye and looks ahead. Then he slowly sits up.

“Frank. It’s midnight. Why are we up?” I smile when his eyes meet mine after having been hidden behind his rubbing hands.

“Because it’s your birthday.” My smile is wide – very wide.
I look down at the piece of paper and unfold it. As the words on it appear – my own sloppy handwriting making them hard to read – I start feeling excitement building in my stomach. My muscles are clenching, and it feels like a knot is slowly tying itself inside of me.

I look up at Gerard.

“I wrote this down a long time ago. Well, a few years. Which seems like a long time.” It’s an entire lifetime ago – truly.
“Back then I was hoping it would change my life, but it never did.” I smooth out the folds of the paper as I glance down at it from time to time. But for the most part, I keep my eyes on Gerard’s.
“But now, it’s kinda defining it.” I shrug softly and take one step closer to the bed that Gerard is still in.
“I know you’re not perfect.” The twinkle in Gerard’s eyes is there. It guides me. It protects me from the dark.
“And neither am I. I will never be, and neither will you.” I stare into his stars and feel free, yet so safe. Also kinda dizzy.
“But I love you.” I walk over to the bed and sit down next to Gerard. I stare into his eyes and admire them sparkle, before I slowly, but confidently, pass him the piece of paper.

He takes it – our hands touching briefly – and reluctantly tears his eyes away from mine and look down at it.
A soft smile grows on his gorgeous lips.

I keep staring at him as his lips keep smiling, his eyes keep glistening and his hair softly falls in front of his face.
He pushes it back behind his ear and looks up at me.

“You’re perfect to me.” Gerard sobs out a laugh. I stare into his gleaming eyes and don’t hesitate in voicing my statement.
“I want to show you that.” I lean down and place my hand on his naked chest – right over his heart.
“I want you.” I see the confusion in Gerard’s eyes, but as soon as my hand runs lower and lower, it disappears quickly.

“Frank,” Gerard says firmly and grabs my hand – stopping it.

“I want this. I’m ready.” I lean in and kiss him briefly. I feel him sigh into the quick kiss.
“Trust me.” I stare into his eyes and wait patiently to see his confirmation – his understanding. I need him to be okay with this.

He doesn’t nod. He doesn’t move nor remove his gaze away from me.

The only thing that happens, is that he understands. The searching look in his eyes disappears and is replaced by a soft and caring look. So I kiss him.
As our lips glide over each other’s, I manage to fight my usual immobility and take the piece of paper out of his hands so it won’t crumble.
I pull away from his lips to place it on his bedside table. I can’t help but read the words, before I reach down and pick up a scarf.

‘“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly” - Sam Keen, To Love and Be Loved’

I turn around to face Gerard. He spots the scarf and looks at me confused. I look down at the scarf and play with it in my hands.
It’s awkward asking this. It’s out first time, and I’m basically asking him not to be there completely. But if his eyes are there, I don’t know if I can be.

“Is it okay if I-“ I stop myself and bite my lip. I tie the scarf tightly around my hand.
“If you-“ I almost lose my courage.
I want this. I really want this, but… It’s fucking hard to just come out and ask the one you’re about to do it with to-

“You want to blindfold me?” As a pure reaction I turn my head to see Gerard. His face is once again blank, but I still find comfort in it.

I don’t have to ask any more questions, before Gerard takes the scarf out of my hand – the fabric softly untying itself from around my hand and stroking my skin – and stretches it out in his hands.

He leans up, kisses me softly, before he leans back against his wall and ties the scarf around his head, covering his eyes with it.
I hate myself for doing this, but I hope my actions will make up for it.

“I trust you.”
And those are the only words I need to hear.

I stand up and take off my t-shirt so that I’m left in my boxers, before I crawl underneath the duvet and over to Gerard. I guide him down so that his head is on his pillow – his black hair flowing over the white pillowcase.
I straddle him and his hands immediately settle on my hips. I have to fight myself not to feel guilty for him having to feel me like that.
A thought suddenly hits me.

“Do you want me?” I whisper carefully into the dark. His stars are gone, but I don’t feel alone.
Gerard moans softly and suddenly.

“I need you.” I look down and see the slight tent that’s already formed in his boxers – the only item he chose to wear to bed.
I reach down and touch his chest, and with this he gasps. The tent in his boxers grow and I can feel my own crotch getting incredibly warm and tight.
I bring my lips to his quickly. I moan loudly into his awaiting mouth, when I suddenly feel his erection press through both or our boxers and against mine.
“Fuck me,” he gasps against my lips, which are only mere millimeters away from his.
I shudder.

“No,” I whisper teasingly – suddenly full of confidence. If I could see his eyes, I’m sure they’d be worried, confused and disappointed.
But I can’t.
“You’re gonna fuck me.” I’m about to kiss him again when his lips move.

“No.” I look down at him – feeling worried, confused, self-conscious, scared, nervous.
“I’m going to make love to you.” My heart beats faster and my dick throbs at his words, and I waste no time in attacking his mouth to show him all the love I possibly could in just one, long kiss.

I’m the first make a move and reach into my own boxers to take them off. After that, I get to Gerard’s and let them join mine on the floor.
Gerard moans often as I run my hands all over him. I just love his skin. It’s so soft and perfect and flawless, and the way it tickles and caresses my fingertips, my palms and everything in between is enough to make me moan.
It’s like it’s all perfect – like there’s nothing to doubt or fear or worry about.
It’s all just meant to happen.

Gerard pulls away from our kiss.

“You want me to prep you?” I freeze for a second. I don’t feel scared. I don’t doubt anything. I don’t feel like running away because of what we’re about to do.
I freeze, because it finally dawns on me.
We’re actually doing this.
We’re gonna have sex.
I nod, without really thinking about the fact that Gerard can’t see me.

“Yes,” I whisper. I never mean to whisper, it just comes out that way. I’m just so out of breath, and I lose even more oxygen from my lungs when Gerard places a cold hand on my back and slowly runs it down my spine.
When he reaches my cheek, I gasp.
Gerard moans beneath me and lifts his hips off the bed, thrusting up into thin air.

“There’s lube in the drawer,” Gerard mumbles quickly and nudges his head towards his nightstand.
His quick, struggled breaths sound like music to my ears as I reach over and open the drawer. Gerard moans though his locked lips and tightens his hold on my ass.
I can feel my dick throbbing with excitement and when I lean back, I can’t resist the urge to press our lower halves together.
Gerard moans louder than before and throws his head back. His hand lets go of my cheek, but still stays there.
I can’t moan. I can’t get a single sound past my lips when Gerard’s moan vibrates through my body. My breaths are uneven and my stomach is so tight that I almost just wanna lose control and dry-hump him like a stray dog around his leg.

But I want him. I want him so much.

I pop open the lit of the tube and Gerard moans. He’s obviously heard that sound before – the fact that he moaned when he heard it and the fact that the tube itself it almost empty is proof enough.

Without me ever asking, Gerard presents his hand to me and I squirt some of the substance out in my own. It glistens in the slight bit of light that shines through the corners of the curtain, but it stops when I wrap my hand around three of Gerard’s fingers. The smooth substance starts making farting-noises between our fingers.
Gerard laughs quickly, but it turns into a lewd moan as I run my hand up and down his taut fingers.

I can’t help but rock my hips at the sounds coming from our hands, his mouth and mine. My own heavy breathing is turning me on, but Gerard’s open mouth and all the moans, gasps and heavy breaths that are escaping it is enough to make my head spin.
Gerard slides his fingers out of my grasp and his hand disappears behind me.

“Ready?” His voice is nothing but an exhale – a puff of air.

“Yeah.” My own voice is barely above his.

When his first finger slides in, it feels good. The mere thought of a part of Gerard being up in me overflows my head with lust, and I completely lose my self-control.
I small, squeaky moan escapes my throat.
I support myself against Gerard’s shoulders – my sleek hands almost losing their grasp – and fight the urge to thrust up, and thereby away from Gerard’s finger.

When Gerard’s second finger slides in, a brief pain escapes from my muscle and runs up my spine.
But it’s only one.

It isn’t until Gerard starts spreading his fingers that the pain returns. The glory of Gerard’s fingers being in me subsides and the pain clouds my mind.
But I don’t want to stop.
I want this.

Gerard slides in a third finger and my hands turn into fists as the pain just won’t stop.
I’ve always been bad at dealing with pain. I’ve dealt with bruises, broken skin and bruised bones, but I’ve always been bad at it.

“You okay?” Gerard asks while his fingers are still inside of me.
I don’t answer. I want to, but I can’t seem to let my brain free itself from the pain long enough to form a simple answer.
“Just relax. It’ll get better if you relax.” I try. I really do try. But it’s fucking hard. It’s really hard to just forget about a constant pain, pretend it isn’t there and just relax.

Suddenly I feel Gerard’s other hand clumsily reach my neck and I subconsciously lean into his touch. He softly starts stroking my skin and runs his palm up to my cheek.
And it calms me. I completely lose myself in his touch and his soothing hand makes me feel safe.

The pain slowly subsides and he feel of Gerard returns to its fullest. His hand on my cheek, his fingers in my ass and his shoulders beneath my, now, relaxed hands makes my breaths slower and softer.
I feel him.

Suddenly his three fingers slide deep inside of me and an immense feel of pleasure rushes through me. I moan and gasp as I subconsciously thrust my hips up against nothing. My ass clenches around Gerard’s fingers and makes them slide into me again.
I cry out in pleasure.

“Mm…ah…” I don’t know what I’m trying to say, but I think Gerard gets what I don’t know myself.
His fingers slide out of me and I slowly regain control of myself.

I open my eyes and look down at him. His eyes are nowhere to be seen, but his lips are exposed and widely parted.
Just like my ass.
I look down at his erect cock and gasp for breath.
I’m going to have that in me. It’s going to be in me.
I feel my dick, my stomach and my ass throb and clench with excitement, and my hands twitch before they quickly let go of Gerard’s shoulders and reach down.
I wrap my slippery hands around him and he thrusts up into my touch.

“Frankie,” he gasps and slowly settles his hips down onto the mattress. I lather his dick up and I can feel it throb under my touch.
I let go of him with one hand and instead use it to steady myself as I get up on my knees and hover over him. I use my other hand to guide his cock to my asshole.
A moan presses its way through his lips.

I lower myself.
The pain is brief, but the pleasure is quick to take over. A small moan breaks free from my throat, but is drowned out by the loud, uncontrolled moan Gerard bellows out. His echoes through the room and through my ears, while his cock fully enters me and keeps pressing against something that sends shockwaves through my body with each beat of my heart.

Which is beating quickly.

The warmth in my stomach builds fast, but I try to hold it back. I keep thrusting up and down as I try to hold it back. I do everything I can, but when Gerard moans and wraps his hand around my dick, I fear that my eyes are gonna pop out of my scull.
So I close my eyes and let myself go. I can’t stop. It’s too much pleasure all at once.
I cum so hard that I’m glad Gerard is wearing something to cover his eyes. I can’t see anything, but from the feel of it all, I think I’m shooting all over him and the wall behind him.
Everything blocks out – even Gerard’s moans – and my every muscle keeps tightening and pulsating as I ride out what is no doubt the most insane orgasm I’ve ever had.

In the end, I freeze.
My entire body just stops and I just sit there – Gerard still inside of me as I’m on my knees with my hands lightly pressed against his heaving chest.
I’ve never felt better in my life.