Skin and Bones

I quickly close my eyes to make it seem like I haven’t seen the guy from court. He hasn’t looked in the mirror yet – only at Gerard’s back.
I sniffle once to make it clear that I’ve been upset.

“I really want you and Mikey as my brothers.” I pull away from Gerard’s chest, lift my head and look up at him. He’s still holding onto my shoulders, but he looks shocked. I fight not to break down and smirk.
“You pretty much are already.” Gerard looks at me confused, and I glance off to the side to avoid seeming fake.

I look into the mirror and see the court guy again. He’s looking into the mirror as well and his eyes meet mine.

I jump – hoping it looks sincere.

“Holy,” I say loudly, grab my chest and trail off. Gerard’s hands are still on my shoulders, but one lets go as he turns around to see who scared me. The hand that’s still on my shoulder tenses.
“You almost gave me a heart attack.” The court guy shakes his head and snaps out of his stare.

“Oh, sorry. I was just wondering what took so long.” Gerard turns around. He looks shocked as well, but I can easily see the relief in his eyes.
“You’re the oldest son, right? Gerard?” Gerard turns around and nods at the guy, who quickly nods back before he gives Gerard a look over, from head to toe. I want to glare at him for that, but I fight my urges and settle for an innocent look.
“Do you usually sit with Frank at lunch?” Out the corner of my eye, I see Gerard nod. His hand on my shoulder is still tense. I wish there was something I could say to take the guy’s attention off of Gerard, but I can’t think of anything. Anything I’d say now would only seem suspicious.
But then again; why would this guy think that an innocent hug between “brothers” means that they’re gay?

The guy nods.

“Alright. Well, let’s go back and get something to eat. Cool?” I almost crack at the guy’s question. He’s not old, but he’s not exactly what I’d call young either.

Nevertheless, both Gerard and I nod, before we set off to follow the guy out of the bathroom and down the hall. Gerard has let go of my shoulder, but when the hallway is empty and the guy’s back is to us, he reaches over, grabs my hand and squeezes it once before he lets it go.

I smile at him out of the corner of my eye.

-----

“Dude! No! No! No!”

“Yes! Yes! Fucking yes!” I freeze at Mikey’s curse. He shouldn’t be cursing when they’re watching.
“Yes!” he screams out when he races past my car and across the finish line. He pumps his fists in the air, and I quickly snap out of my frozen state and gently throw the joystick onto the carpeted floor of Gerard’s room.

“No fair!” I cross my arms and pout at the ‘game over’ on my side of the screen, while Mikey’s keep flashing ‘winner’.
He totally cheated.

“Dinner!” Donna yells from upstairs and we all get to our feet and walk upstairs. Gerard conveniently walks next to me, and when we turn the corner into the kitchen, he glances over at me and gives me an encouraging smile. It’s easy to read: ‘I’m here’.

I smile back.

-----

Our guests have decided to join us for dinner. Donna’s been real nice to them and made sure they’ve all been comfortable all day. I’m afraid they’ll think she’s trying too hard.

Their presence is still stressing me out. I’m analyzing everything they say. Even when they talked to Donald about the weather earlier, I couldn’t help but interpret the look in their eyes when he told them he hadn’t mowed the lawn for 2 months because of all the rain. They looked like they understood, but they had this look in their eyes that they probably thought went unnoticed.

It didn’t.

Maybe I should offer mowing the lawn.

“Would you like some salmon, Mr. Richardson?” I look up from my plate and see the guy from court hold up his hand as he swallows.

“No, thank you, Mrs. Way. Sadly, my stomach never really liked fish,” he says as a joke, before he scoops some more béarnaise sauce onto his plate.

He hates Donna’s cooking. The béarnaise sauce came out of a box. All Donna did was add water and heat it. He hates her cooking and doesn’t think it’d be suitable for me to live here and I’ll have to live in some youth home far away and be alone until I turn 18.

I look down at the salmon on my plate and push it over to the French fries.

Gerard is two bites ahead of me. I feel more full than ever. I’ve eaten a lot lately, so it’s not like this dinner is vital for my health. Maybe skipping this would actually benefit it. Fish clears up your veins or something and is good for the heart, but my heart is beating just fine, so I don’t need it. The paramedics from yesterday said my pulse was high, but being in Gerard’s lap just has that effect on me. I can’t help it.

Gerard nudges at my foot with his and I look up at him. He throws a glance down at my plate and then looks at me questionable. I quickly lower my head like before and stare at my plate.

I know he wants me to eat and not doing it makes me feel so guilty, but so does eating it.

I want him to want me.

“Who? Your chubby, little friend?”

I glance down at my stomach but quickly look back up. It’s bulging again.

-----

I lie on the edge of the bed. I can hear Gerard spit into the sink and run the water, so I know he’ll be here shortly. My entourage left hours ago, and Gerard said he wanted me in his bed tonight. He said he wanted to protect me all night and all day tomorrow.

I just want him to sleep tonight.

I don’t even hear him enter the room or see the lights be turned off. I don’t hear him until he pulls the covers over himself and shuffle around to get comfortable behind me.
He lies still.

“Come on, Frankie,” he says and runs a finger down my spine. I shiver under his touch.
I’m so disgusting.
“Why’re you lying all the way over there?” Gerard pulls his hand away and again I feel like he’s pulling my entire ribcage with him. It hurts.
I will away the tears and sadness and try to make myself smaller.
“Are you okay, babe?” He lays a hand on my side and I suck in my stomach.
“Frankie?” he asks concerned and moves around. He must’ve pushed the covers away from his body, because they suddenly slide off mine.

I panic.

I go to grip the duvet to keep it over me, but I only grab air. My body is suddenly exposed, and even though I’m wearing plenty of clothes to keep me more than warm, I shiver.
Gerard wraps his arms around me and I tense.

“Oh yeah? Well, you’re fat!”
I squeeze my eyes closed and try to rid my memory of William Beckett’s voice, but it has already penetrated my wall. I can’t keep it out, and now it can’t escape.
“You’re fat!”
Stop it. Please, just stop it.

“I’m right here, babe. I’ll make it stop. Please, just trust me. I love you. I love everything about you. I’ll love you if you weigh 90 or 900 pounds. I don’t care. I love you so much.” Gerard’s voice slowly drowns out the other and his breath on my shoulder calms me down. The tears on my cheeks itch my skin as they lie motionless. I let sleep overtake me.