Romance on Warped Tour?
Chapter 79: Home Truths.
*Gerard’s POV*
What the FUCK? No way.
Rach was my grasp on reality!
There was Lou acting like a horny, stressy teenager, complaining that I love her. And that I spent the time she was growing up totally out of it.
The rest of the band telling me to shut the hell up about whining about Lou – they’d heard enough already, and didn’t have any problems. Ray being the relationship guru on how to deal with Rach – because I fucked up there too.
I stood there, these voices protesting and turning it all round in my head. Why was this happening to me? What had I done to deserve this? It’s not my fault that I’m six years older than Lou and that I lived my teenage years. It’s not my fault that when I panic I don’t listen. Or that it never occurred to me that Rach might be able to handle Lou better. None of this was my fault. I was the blameless one.
“I don’t want to take a break.” I told her, cocking my head to the side, and feeling the world leave through my anus.
She sighed and raked her hands through her hair, “You don’t have a choice.” She turned away, “I’m sorry Gerard, but we’re just not right.” She paused and chewed her lip, her head still facing me, “Find me when you’ve sorted your shit out.”
I grabbed her hands, and pulled her back to me, kissing her forcefully, “You can’t do this.” I tell her desperately trying to make her see, “I love you.” I pause trying to find the right words, “You’re my grasp on reality. My … my… stability. Without you I’m lost. I’ll just float about lost. I’ll be nothing.” I tell her, desperately boring into her eyes – letting my soul float into the surface of my eyes and into her. “I need you.”
She wrenches herself from my grasp, “I need you… but you’re not just killing Lou – you’re killing me. You’re killing yourself.” I open my mouth to argue with her, “Not as you were – with drugs and shit. But with your need to be in control… you need to grow up and see that Lou is grown up. See that she’s all she is ever going to be. See that she’s complete with Syn and that’s she’s happy like that. You need to accept that when she needed you you weren’t there. That you were a shit brother when she was a teenager. You can’t make up for that now, by being over – protective.” With that she leaves… making me feel like she’d slapped my in the face and kneed me in the gut for good measure.
Was this all my fault?
Did I really ditch her when she needed me most? Yes
Am I really that over – protective of her? Yes
Am I really killing Lou? Yes
Am I really killing Rach? Yes
Am I really killing myself – again? Yes
I think there are a few home truths I need to learn – and fast.
Where’s Grandma Helena when I need her?
What the FUCK? No way.
Rach was my grasp on reality!
There was Lou acting like a horny, stressy teenager, complaining that I love her. And that I spent the time she was growing up totally out of it.
The rest of the band telling me to shut the hell up about whining about Lou – they’d heard enough already, and didn’t have any problems. Ray being the relationship guru on how to deal with Rach – because I fucked up there too.
I stood there, these voices protesting and turning it all round in my head. Why was this happening to me? What had I done to deserve this? It’s not my fault that I’m six years older than Lou and that I lived my teenage years. It’s not my fault that when I panic I don’t listen. Or that it never occurred to me that Rach might be able to handle Lou better. None of this was my fault. I was the blameless one.
“I don’t want to take a break.” I told her, cocking my head to the side, and feeling the world leave through my anus.
She sighed and raked her hands through her hair, “You don’t have a choice.” She turned away, “I’m sorry Gerard, but we’re just not right.” She paused and chewed her lip, her head still facing me, “Find me when you’ve sorted your shit out.”
I grabbed her hands, and pulled her back to me, kissing her forcefully, “You can’t do this.” I tell her desperately trying to make her see, “I love you.” I pause trying to find the right words, “You’re my grasp on reality. My … my… stability. Without you I’m lost. I’ll just float about lost. I’ll be nothing.” I tell her, desperately boring into her eyes – letting my soul float into the surface of my eyes and into her. “I need you.”
She wrenches herself from my grasp, “I need you… but you’re not just killing Lou – you’re killing me. You’re killing yourself.” I open my mouth to argue with her, “Not as you were – with drugs and shit. But with your need to be in control… you need to grow up and see that Lou is grown up. See that she’s all she is ever going to be. See that she’s complete with Syn and that’s she’s happy like that. You need to accept that when she needed you you weren’t there. That you were a shit brother when she was a teenager. You can’t make up for that now, by being over – protective.” With that she leaves… making me feel like she’d slapped my in the face and kneed me in the gut for good measure.
Was this all my fault?
Did I really ditch her when she needed me most? Yes
Am I really that over – protective of her? Yes
Am I really killing Lou? Yes
Am I really killing Rach? Yes
Am I really killing myself – again? Yes
I think there are a few home truths I need to learn – and fast.
Where’s Grandma Helena when I need her?
♠ ♠ ♠
Sorry about the gap in updating - damn Sunday, uh, Lunch.