Status: Finally posted up an epilogue... still not sure about writing a sequel, but maybe (:
Finding My Way Back To The Start
This Is My Reaction To Everything I Fear
It has been a week since my birthday. A week since Kennedy confessed that we had sex. A week since I last talked to Kennedy. It was just too… awkward to be around him.
The morning after, I woke up before he did. I searched Sierra’s bathroom for some Aspirin and left that for him on the bedside table, along with a cup of water just as he had for me. I couldn’t be there when he woke up. It would have been too weird, too confusing.
It was hard enough to live on the same bus as him. The past few nights I had been staying with Caleb on his bus. I’d only seen the guys when I was doing merch and that was about it. I just couldn’t see him and I couldn’t talk to him.
John wondered where I was half of the time. Pat and Garrett were so confused. Jared knew something was bothering me, but he also knew I would come to him when I want to. As for Kennedy, he always tried to talk to me, wondering what the hell was wrong with me. All I could do was walk away.
Why must life always be so confusing?
--------------------
It was three o’clock and time for my shift at the merch stand. I ran back from FTSK’s bus over to my own, thinking about grabbing a change of clothes before. Punching the code in, I ran inside to my long abandoned bunk to grab a tank-top and a pair of skinny jeans. I still kept in the Nike Dunks I had on before. I went into the ‘lounge area’ of the bus. I stopped midway, seeing that Kennedy emerged from the kitchen. Before I could escape, Kennedy beat me to the door and the only way out of there.
“Get out of the way, Kennedy. I need to go to the merch table,” I said, not making eye contact with him. It was awhile since I have been so harsh to him. It was really weird. We have been making such good progress as friends.
“No,” he replied, sternly. “We need to talk now.” His back was firmly placed on the door; no way could I get out of this. All the guys were outside, probably, getting mobbed by fans. I was stuck.
“Fine, what do you want to talk about,” I said. My voice was monotone with no underlying emotion or anything.
“Why are you avoiding me? Why are you avoiding everyone?” Kennedy wondered aloud. Dammit, I wish he didn’t ask that. I don’t want to talk to him. I need Jared. Now.
“I’m not avoiding everyone. I mean I still hang out with Caleb--“
“I’m not talking about FTSK, Jac. I’m talking about how you are avoiding us, your friends? You know, The Maine?” he asked, holding that sarcastic tone. I was debating whether or not to tell me that he confessed. Obviously he knew about it, or maybe he was lying about that night. I could never know if drunk people told the truth or not. But after he told me, memories of that night came flooding back. His lips smashed against mine, his hot breath caressing my neck. Clothes were discarded, and bodies pressed close. As much as I wanted it to be a lie, I knew deep down it wasn’t.
“Because…” I said. Sure, it was childish, but I had to stall.
“Because why, Jac? Stop playing these games,” Kennedy forced. “We all miss you. We want to hang out with you, but ever since your birthday, you rather would be anywhere but near us.” My mind was filled with frustration. I couldn’t take it. I needed to think. I needed time.
“You told me something that night,” I whispered.
“What did I tell you that made you abandon us?” Kennedy asked, becoming apprehensive.
“You said… you said that we had sex, during the money tour.” I faltered, becoming very interested in my Dunks. I tried to divert my attention to anything in the room that wasn’t Kennedy. I was too scared. I didn’t want to look at any part of him, especially those hazel eyes. They always drew me in, and I would unintentionally search for the true emotion lying in those hazel pools. Yet, he continued to confuse me.
Out of nowhere, Kennedy forced me to look at him. I saw no sign of aghast or a sign of any other emotion. Then he leaned forward and placed his lips on mine. I used all my willpower to refrain from kissing back, but I just couldn’t. As fast as the kiss started, it ended.
“I don’t regret anything,” was all Kennedy said before turning around and exiting the bus. I could still feel his lips on mine. Sparks continued to shoot through my body. I only knew one thing:
Where was Jared?
The morning after, I woke up before he did. I searched Sierra’s bathroom for some Aspirin and left that for him on the bedside table, along with a cup of water just as he had for me. I couldn’t be there when he woke up. It would have been too weird, too confusing.
It was hard enough to live on the same bus as him. The past few nights I had been staying with Caleb on his bus. I’d only seen the guys when I was doing merch and that was about it. I just couldn’t see him and I couldn’t talk to him.
John wondered where I was half of the time. Pat and Garrett were so confused. Jared knew something was bothering me, but he also knew I would come to him when I want to. As for Kennedy, he always tried to talk to me, wondering what the hell was wrong with me. All I could do was walk away.
Why must life always be so confusing?
--------------------
It was three o’clock and time for my shift at the merch stand. I ran back from FTSK’s bus over to my own, thinking about grabbing a change of clothes before. Punching the code in, I ran inside to my long abandoned bunk to grab a tank-top and a pair of skinny jeans. I still kept in the Nike Dunks I had on before. I went into the ‘lounge area’ of the bus. I stopped midway, seeing that Kennedy emerged from the kitchen. Before I could escape, Kennedy beat me to the door and the only way out of there.
“Get out of the way, Kennedy. I need to go to the merch table,” I said, not making eye contact with him. It was awhile since I have been so harsh to him. It was really weird. We have been making such good progress as friends.
“No,” he replied, sternly. “We need to talk now.” His back was firmly placed on the door; no way could I get out of this. All the guys were outside, probably, getting mobbed by fans. I was stuck.
“Fine, what do you want to talk about,” I said. My voice was monotone with no underlying emotion or anything.
“Why are you avoiding me? Why are you avoiding everyone?” Kennedy wondered aloud. Dammit, I wish he didn’t ask that. I don’t want to talk to him. I need Jared. Now.
“I’m not avoiding everyone. I mean I still hang out with Caleb--“
“I’m not talking about FTSK, Jac. I’m talking about how you are avoiding us, your friends? You know, The Maine?” he asked, holding that sarcastic tone. I was debating whether or not to tell me that he confessed. Obviously he knew about it, or maybe he was lying about that night. I could never know if drunk people told the truth or not. But after he told me, memories of that night came flooding back. His lips smashed against mine, his hot breath caressing my neck. Clothes were discarded, and bodies pressed close. As much as I wanted it to be a lie, I knew deep down it wasn’t.
“Because…” I said. Sure, it was childish, but I had to stall.
“Because why, Jac? Stop playing these games,” Kennedy forced. “We all miss you. We want to hang out with you, but ever since your birthday, you rather would be anywhere but near us.” My mind was filled with frustration. I couldn’t take it. I needed to think. I needed time.
“You told me something that night,” I whispered.
“What did I tell you that made you abandon us?” Kennedy asked, becoming apprehensive.
“You said… you said that we had sex, during the money tour.” I faltered, becoming very interested in my Dunks. I tried to divert my attention to anything in the room that wasn’t Kennedy. I was too scared. I didn’t want to look at any part of him, especially those hazel eyes. They always drew me in, and I would unintentionally search for the true emotion lying in those hazel pools. Yet, he continued to confuse me.
Out of nowhere, Kennedy forced me to look at him. I saw no sign of aghast or a sign of any other emotion. Then he leaned forward and placed his lips on mine. I used all my willpower to refrain from kissing back, but I just couldn’t. As fast as the kiss started, it ended.
“I don’t regret anything,” was all Kennedy said before turning around and exiting the bus. I could still feel his lips on mine. Sparks continued to shoot through my body. I only knew one thing:
Where was Jared?