Happiness and Heartbreak

A few days later, as I was setting up merchandise at ATL’s tent, Jonathan came to see me again.

“Hey Catie!”

“Hey Jon! What’s up?”

“I was wondering if you were coming to see our show today.”

“Yeah, actually I am. Me and the boys are going. I found someone to run the merch tent for me.”

“Awesome. We have a surprise for you.”

“What? No. I hate surprises. Please don’t do anything. The guys embarrass me enough on and off stage as it is.”

“It’s a good surprise. I promise.”

“Ok…now I’m going to be crazy until then.” I said, laughing.

Jonathan checked his sidekick and realized that he was late for sound check.

“I’ll see you later. Bye Catie!” he said, running off to his stage.

I sold some merchandise to fans, and then took my lunch break. I went to the bus to grab a diet coke and sit in the air conditioning before getting some money and finding some food. After Forever the Sickest Kids’ show we would all go out to dinner, so I just needed something small for now. I got outside and walked around before finding a booth that sold hot dogs, pizza and French fries. I grabbed a cheese pizza and walked back over to the All Time Low tent. The boy’s were there now, signing autographs for fans. I quietly walked in behind them and took a seat with my food. Little did I know, however, that Rian would soon shine the attention on me. He reached over his shoulder and took the pizza right out of my hand. This caused me to yell, and kids started staring at me. Rian just kept on testing me, either by holding the pizza up so I couldn’t have it or passing it to the other guys. Finally, I was so angry that I tried to dump him out of his seat. This proved to be successful, but my pizza ended up on the ground. Alex just laughed out loud and asked some poor fan if they would buy me a new slice of pizza. I laughed along and told the poor girl that it was fine, not to do what Alex tells her. She smiled and thanked the guys for the autograph. Ten minutes later and she was back with a slice of pizza. I was absolutely in shock. When I saw her coming back I pointed her out and hit Alex upside the head.

“What was that for?”

“Look, that girl actually went and bought me a slice of pizza.”

“No fucking way. Wow. People will do anything I say.” Alex just grinned, I think he actually felt proud of himself.

She got to our tent and then handed the pizza to me.

“Here, I know how it feels to have to put up with a bunch of crazy guys. It sucks sometimes.”

“Yeah, I know. Wow, you really didn’t have to do this. No one should listen to my retarded brother.”

“Alex is your brother?”

“Yeah, I’m Catie Gaskarth.”

“Nice to meet you Catie, I’m Natalie. I’m actually a guitar tech for Escape the Fate right now. I’ve known Craig since high school. I just met the rest of the band since Craig joined but I know it can be rough, they do it to me too.”

“Finally,” I laughed, “Someone else knows what I go through.”

“Yeah. Trust me.”

“So when does Escape the Fate play?”

“They have a show in about an hour if you want to come and watch.”

“Crap. Actually, I promised the guys from Forever the Sickest Kids that I would see there show soon. I’d love to come see them tomorrow though. I love Escape the Fate. Especially their new cd. I was sad about Blessthefall breaking up though.”

“Ok. I’ll come find you tomorrow afternoon when we get to the next venue.”

“Awesome. Talk to you later Natalie!”

“Bye Catie.”

“Aren’t you just miss popular. You’ve already made a new friend!” Alex joked with me and we were heading out to go see FTSK.

“Why of course. It’s my good looks.” I laughed.

“HELLO Seattle!” Jonathan screamed into the mic.

“We’ve got a special surprise for our new friend Catie tonight. So, everyone, I’m going to need your help because I know that she won’t come up here on her own. I need you guys to chant her name, loud. Come on…I see you.”

“I’m not going up there…” I groaned to Alex.

“Oh yes you are.” Zack said, laughing.

He threw me over his shoulder and carried me, kicking and screaming, up on the stage.

“Now that you’re here, we’ve heard that you are an amazing singer.”

“I sound like a dying cat.”

“Come on, Catie. Just sing one song with us.”

“What song?”

“Catastrophe.”

“Do I have a choice? This is really embarrassing Jon...”

“It’ll be fun, trust me.”

Then the music kicked in before I could get out of it. The next thing I knew I was singing. Once you got used to being on stage it was ok. I just hated getting up there. The truth was, I wasn’t a bad singer. I guess one of my boys had let that slip to the guys of Forever the Sickest Kids. Before I realized it, Jonathan had stopped singing. All of the guys were playing and looking at me, shocked, while I belted out the end of the song.

“Wow…Alex said you could sing. He didn’t say you were amazing.”

“I’m not…I just sing in the shower…”

“I guess it runs in the family then.”

I was applauded and then allowed to leave the stage and return to the crowd to find the guys.

“You did awesome Catie! You should get out on stage more often.” Alex said, giving me a hug.

“You really did. I’ve never heard you sing with that much…I don’t know how to describe it. Confidence, I guess.” Jack said, placing an arm over my shoulder.
I shook it off and continued jumping around with the guys for the rest of the show. Afterwards, we met Forever the Sickest Kids back at our bus to decide what to do for the rest of the day. I was given the rest of the day off while the guys had more merchandise shipped to the next venue for us.

We were sitting around inside the bus having some redbulls and talking about how we liked the tour so far.

“My favorite part is the girls.” Alex joked.

“Of course…” I laughed.

“My favorite part of the tour is similar to Alex’s; my favorite part is just one girl.” Jonathan said, receiving looks from all of the guys.

“My favorite part of the tour is the tan I’m getting while I’m out here. And I’m just stoked to be out of school.” I stated, finishing up my redbull.

“Did you really just say ‘stoked’” Rian asked, bursting out laughing. “I have never heard that word come out of your mouth.”

“Neither have I. But it just popped in my head and I said it.” I laughed. “Well, I’m going to go for a walk. I can’t sit in this cramped bus any longer.”

“I’ll come with you.” Jonathan said, getting up from his seat.

Alex let out a low whistle. I shot him my evil glare (I had perfected this when I was younger) and he just laughed at me and waved bye.

“Be nice to my little sister!” Alex yelled out of the door at us.

“So, how are you?” I asked Jon once we were on our walk around the venue.

“I’m good; this tour is wearing me out though.

“Me too. I’m so tired and I’m really sunburned right now and this tour has barely gotten started.”

“It’s so much fun though, at least, being on stage and getting to play every day is. But how are you liking the tour?”

“It’s been fun so far, I’ve had a few awkward conversations with Jack that are kind of making me want to run home but I’m not going to let him get to me.”

“It takes a lot of strength to be able to do what you’re doing, you know that, right?”

“Yeah, I guess. You told me that the other night. I just want things to go back to the way that they were though… as much as I don’t want to say it, I miss him. But I’m trying to move on.”

Jon and I sat down in an empty patch of grass behind the venue and stared up at the sky. It was supposed to start getting dark soon.

“Hey, we can watch the sunset.” Jon pointed out, looking at his sidekick.

“Oh, I always loved sunsets. I like sunrises better but sunsets are pretty too. I remember this one time when Jack…” I trailed off, remembering old times.

“He really broke you didn’t he.”

“Yeah…I guess he did.”

“Write about it. I don’t know about you, but writing always lets me get everything that I’m feeling out. Then, when I’m through, I feel so much better. That’s how I wrote ‘My Worst Nightmare’, after a bad breakup with my girlfriend. She thought that I was cheating on her while we were on tour, so as payback, she cheated on me. She called me out for cheating on her and I got pissed and told her that I knew she cheated and it just escalated to a huge fight and our breakup.”

“I’m not sure I’ve heard that song.”

“Well then, let me just serenade you, Ms. Gaskarth.”

“I would be delighted, Mr. Cook.” I giggled, as he started to sing.

“I shoulda known better not to wait around
Why did I come home? (Cause I hate it here)
I shoulda known better not to wait around
I'm getting rid of my phone (And I made it clear)
I shoulda known better not to wait around

Never did never did I ever love anyone other than you
But secretly I always want to see you cry so I push you until you do

Check it out

I shoulda never came I shoulda never shoulda never came to you
You insisted for me to
Crossed the line and didn't mean to, I take it back,
If I thought I'd make it work, never did, but I meant to
I, I, I give up...

I never did what you said that I did
When I was gone for so long
I never said what you did was either right or wrong
It's wrong
You dreamt of him

If it's just me, adjust me baby find the words that define these feelings
Don't roll your eyes when you look at me, hard to talk when you're staring at the ceiling
Push through, push through baby everything we've been through lately
I'll be there when close your eyes hold you tight say goodnight

I never did what you said that I did
When I was gone for so long
I never said what you did was either right or wrong
It's wrong
You dreamt of him

I, I needed, I, I, I needed someone to talk to
And you, you needed you you needed me to hold you
I, I needed, I, I, I needed someone to talk to
And you, you needed you you needed me to hold you

I never did what you said that I did
When I was gone for so long
I never said what you did was either right or wrong
It's wrong
You dreamt of him”

“Wow, that’s amazing.”

“Thanks, it just makes me feel better to write it out. Maybe it’s because it’s what I was meant to do. It may not work for everyone, but you could try. I know for a fact that it’s what your brother does.”

“I know, and he’s extremely talented like you also.”

“Well, I don’t know if he’s as talented as me…” Jonathan joked, sitting up.

“What time is it?” I asked, curious.

“Umm 6:30. Are you worn out already?”

“Yeah, I’m beat. It has been an incredibly long, hot day.”

“Come on then, I’ll walk you back to the bus.”

“Ok, sounds good.”
We walked silently back to the All Time Low bus, where we found everyone in the midst of a mini party and completely drunk.

“Great, I guess I can’t sleep after all. I have to watch after my boys and make sure they don’t walk off the bus and into traffic or something.”

“Here, it’s kind of loud in here. Why don’t I walk you over to our bus and you can sleep there. I’ll watch after everyone here and I won’t drink so they’ll be fine. You need some rest because you’re going to have to load and unload merch and sell it tomorrow.”

“Are you sure because I really don’t want to intrude or anything and I…”

“Yes, I’m positive. Now grab some pajamas to change into and come on.”

“Ok, if you’re sure.”

“I am, now hurry.”

I quickly grabbed some shorts and a tank top out of my bag and met Jon outside the tour bus. He walked me across the back of the venue to where their bus was parked and punched in the code to let us in. He quietly waited while I went into their bathroom and changed.

“Thank you so much Jon.” I said, as I lay down across their couch.

“You know that you can sleep in a bed if you want to, right?”

“Well I don’t want to take anyone’s bunk, I mean there are six bunks in here and six of you so I figured I’d just take a nap out here.”

“Nonsense,” Jonathan laughed at me, “I offered to let you sleep in here. It’s uncomfortable enough sleeping on a bus, I’m not going to torture you more by making you sleep on a couch. You can take my bunk.”

“Really, Jon, it’s fine. I mean, I used to travel with the guys in a van and we all had to sleep across each other. This is fine.”

Laughing, Jon just shook his head at me and picked me up off of the couch and carried me to a bunk on the top left side, placing me in.

“Stay there. I’ll be upset if I come back and find you out on the couch again. Now get some sleep. Here, I’ll even tuck you in.” He laughed, pulling the covers out from under me and placing them on top.

He kissed me on the forehead and smiled, telling me to have a good sleep, and then left me in the bus all alone.
I sighed. I may be falling again. What’s a girl to do?