A Kiss And I Will Surrender

Gerard’s POV

Lily turned to me once we were both outside.
“What was that about?” she asked me
“Don’t worry about it” I mumbled
“You’re suicidal?” she asked ignoring me
“I’d rather not talk about this,” I mumbled
“Why are you suicidal?” she asked still ignoring me
“I really really don’t want to talk about this,” I said trying to keep back the many suppressed memories
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked firmly, telling me that I had to talk.
“I didn’t want you to know,” I answered quietly
“Why?” Lily said, her voice not showing any emotion
“I was afraid you would leave me,” I replied truthfully
“I would never do that!” she said, her voice had a hint of hurt in it
“I know,” I murmured.
There was silence, I didn’t want to talk about this, but I knew that Lily wanted to know and that I was going to have to talk about this. The silence was awkward…Lily and I hardly ever have awkward silences.
“How many people know?” she whispered
“My mum, Mikey and you,” I replied not looking at her
“How did my dad find out?”
“My mum told him…” I muttered angrily.
“I’m really sorry for what he said to you wasn’t right,” Lily murmured
“He’s just looking out for you he doesn’t want you near a depressed suicidal freak like me…I don’t blame him…” I said turning to her
“You’re not a freak,” Lily said, tears forming in her eyes.
“Don’t…I’m undeserving of your sympathy, cause they’re ain’t no way I’m sorry for what I did” I sighed
“But you’re not a freak!” Lily said louder looking into my eyes
“I am” I said turning away from her.
I looked back at her too see that she was crying; her face was stained from tears that poured from her beautiful green eyes.
“How could you cry for me? Cause I don’t feel bad about it,” I said looking away from her eyes.
“Why are you acting so weird?” She sobbed
“It’s the stupid anti-depressants your dad put me on… I can’t feel ANY emotion,” I said
“That’s terrible,” Lily said wiping her tears away
“Yeh…a good this is that I’m allowed to eat as much chocolate as I want…and mum bought me a coffee machine…Mikey’s so jealous!” I said grinning…Mikey was so jealous that it was funny.
“You still haven’t told me why you didn’t tell me,” Lily said bringing me back to earth.
“If you wanted honesty that’s all you had to say,” I replied not even thinking
“Huh?” Lily said looking at me weirdly
“Sorry…I think I’m in lyric mode…”
“Right…still, why do you do it?”
“Well, I think I’m going to burn in hell” I replied shrugging.
“What! Why?” Lily asked shocked.
“Dunno, but my mum seems to tell me it all the time,”
“Don’t listen to her!” Lily exclaimed
“As if I would, I AM a teenager…GOSH!” I said smiling cheekily
Lily giggled…I really love that giggle.
“I love that giggle!” I said pulling her into a hug.
“Really?” she whispered into my shoulder.
“Of course,” I replied, kissing her forehead.

Today was Friday, the day after I went to Lily’s house. Lily had seemed distant all day and hadn’t talked that much. At lunch everyone was being there normal selves…except Lily wasn’t there. Meghan was probably on her 4th Red Bull today and was really energetic and crazy.
“CHARLIE WANTS TO MAKE AFRO BABIES WITH RAY!!” she yelled.
Kaylah looked over at Meghan looking annoyed. Over the last couple of weeks Kaylah had become less and less social. She would only talk to Frank…this pissed Maddy off majorly. When it was almost the end of lunch and Lily still hadn’t turned up I decided that I’d go look for her.

Lily’s POV

I can’t believe I’m doing this…but it has to be done. It was better off this way…so much better off this way. Tears slipped down my face as I thought about the task ahead…calm down Lily, you have to be strong. I cleared off the remaining tears, put on a brave face and walked out of the bathroom with my head held high. I had to do this, or face worse consequences.

I collided with someone as I left the bathroom door.
“Sorry,” I murmured.
I turned to see who I’d collided with and my eyes were met with hazel ones. My stomach dropped…it was Gerard.
“Are you ok…you look kind of pale?” Gerard asked me
“You look pale all the time,” I snapped and suddenly regretted it.
“I’m sorry…but are you ok?”
“I’m fine…but we need to talk,” I said not looking in his eyes.
He nodded his eyes full of worry.
“Gerard, I don’t think it’s working out,” I said looking at the floor.
“What’s not working out?” He asked
“Us,” I said looking at him.
His face contorted in pain, then went blank. I opened my mouth to say something else but he ran off.

Gerard’s POV

It hurt…it hurt a lot. It felt like she’d ripped out my heart and then discarded it like it was nothing but mere trash. I ran out of the school building. I looked at my car but just ran past it. I ran and I ran, not knowing where I was going. I stopped to catch my breath and I realized that I was in the park by the tree…the tree that Lily and I talked at. This made the pain hurt more. I doubled over in the pain that raged through my chest…it was too much to bear. I couldn’t stay here any longer so I ran. This time I knew where I was running too…home.

When I got in mum was shocked at me bursting through the door, she was going to say something but I quickly hurried down to my room, slamming the door. I went over to my desk and pulled out a pill container. I wanted the pain to go away…so I took 5 pills and collapsed on my bed. I let the tears escape me as I let out sobs…soon everything turned to black and I couldn’t feel anything.