A Kiss And I Will Surrender

Mikey’s POV

“Sometimes it’s though it’s easier to fall,” Gerard muttered as he walked away.
“Would you stay right here, when I tell you, that someone out there loves you?” I mumbled half hoping that he’d hear it.
“What’d you say Mikey?” Gerard said turning around and facing me.
“Nothing…I just love you,” I said
“I love you too…bye,” he said turning around and continued walking down the road.
I walked through the still open front door to hear my mum ranting ‘he’s dead to me’ and ‘not a son of mine’. I had to ask her a question that has been on my mind the past couple of days.
“Mum…do you think that I could get counselling?”
She stopped ranting and looked at me.
“Why in the world would you need it?”
“I found my brother after he tried to kill himself on the bathroom floor…blood everywhere; I haven’t been able to sleep!” I explained truthfully.
“Maybe…but I’ll tell you one thing…Gerard is no longer my son,”
“How could you desert him when he needs help the most…you don’t know anything…ANYTHING! He’s probably killing himself at this moment and if he does die I will never forgive you!” I yelled at her before running out of the house and down the road.

Where should I go? I haven’t been to Grandma Elena’s grave in a while and I always feel better after I see her. I walked to a local shopping centre, hoping to find a flower shop…ok…I know a flower shop sounds kind of gay but I’m getting flowers for my dead Grandma’s grave. I bought a bunch of red roses, her favourite and tied them together with a black piece of ribbon. I walked the small distance to the cemetery and to her grave. When I approached her grave, I realised that I wasn’t alone.

“What are you doing here?” I asked the dark figure next to me.
“I didn’t know where to go,” Gerard answered.
“Come home!” I insisted.
“Can’t, if I do mum will send me to an insane asylum where I will be drugged on pills and I’ll be surrounded by white and wear straight jackets…I would rather be dead than go there!” he answered his voice full of menace.
“You’d rather be dead anyway,” I replied clearly showing my hurt.
“I’m sorry Mikey; I just wanted it all to end,” he mumbled putting his head down in shame.
“What to end?” I asked…I wanted to know.
“The pain, the sadness, the despair, the fear, the thoughts and the sorrow,”
“But you promised!” I whined.
“I know but it was all to much…I cracked, I couldn’t stand it any longer”
“Where are you going to go?” I asked him, hoping that he had somewhere to stay.
“I don’t know, my first thought was Grandma Elena, but I remembered that she’s dead…so I came to her grave…why are you here?” he asked realising where exactly we were.
“Mum was going spaz, I had to get out of there…she is super angry at you. She was saying stuff like ‘He’s dead to me’ and ‘No son of mine!’” I explained.
“I always knew she didn’t like me,” he muttered darkly
“She loves you Gerard, she’s just upset about this whole thing” I tried to get him to understand…but it’s like trying to teach a toddler.
“No one understands me, I don’t want to live!” Gerard exclaimed angrily.
“If you die…I’ll kill myself,” I threatened…and I wasn’t bluffing.
“NO! Don’t you even think about it Mikey, you have a future…you have Meghan, if you died it would be a chain reaction of suicides…everyone loves you!” Gerard said his voice full of outrage and stress.
“But I don’t want to live without you!” I whined.
“You just will have to,” he told me sternly
“You have no idea how I felt when I came across your body, you have no idea what you looked like…pale, broken and lifeless…I thought you were dead! My whole life came crashing down…I’ve never wanted to kill myself, but when I found you, it took all the strength in my body not to use that razor,” I told him looking straight into his eyes, so he understood that every word of that was true.
“Mikey, you have so much to live for, the only thing that would change that is me, you have to forget me and move on with your life…you have to let me go…I’ve lost my fear of falling,” he pleaded
“But I love you….” I whispered as tears started pouring down my face.
“I love you too, but it’s better off this way…so much better off this way,” Gerard said, avoiding my gaze.
“I’ll be back tomorrow to bring you home,” I told him
“NO!” Gerard refused stepping away from me.
“I’m taking you home with me” I insisted…it was starting to get dark.
“NO!” Gerard exclaimed making sure he was out of arms reach.
“Where are you going to stay then?” I asked
“Frank’s?” he questioned shrugging his soldiers.
“Mum’s probably called everyone’s parents to tell them that if they see you they have to take you home,” I told him matter-o-factly
“Damn…I bet she has” he muttered clicking his fingers.
“Where are you going to go then?” I asked
“Dunno…probably stay here,” he said as if it was nothing.
“Here? In the cemetery?” I asked astounded...maybe he is insane.
“Yeh,” he said shrugging
“You really are insane,” I told him
“INSANITY IS FRICKIN AWESOME!” he yelled grinning like a maniac.
“Whatever you say,” I said rolling my eyes then faked cough ‘weirdo’.
“You seriously want to call me a weirdo?” he asked raising his eyebrows and flexing his muscles.
“Umm…no,” I answered unsurely.
“Right answer,” he nodded.
“Well…I’d better go, I’ll come back tomorrow,” I said hoping he’d come to his senses and come with me.
“Bye,” he said waving and walking off to a close Mausoleum.
I sighed and walked home…whatever will I do with Gerard.