Summer of 09'

I am doing a time skip, just to kind of move the story along. It's May now.

The stars twinkled above us as we laid in the slide, our hands entwined together as a smile was plastered over my face. It was the silly kind of gushy romantic smile, the cheesy smile you'd see in silly romantic comedy movies. My heart pounded in my chest, his side was touching mine and I turned my head to look over at him.

He had been watching me, his eyes dancing with amusement something else I couldn't get recognize, love? A shiver ripped through my body and he frowned, he must have felt it. "Would you like my coat Rye?"

I nodded as his hand briefly untangled from mine as he sat up to shrug out of his coat and I pulled myself up. His hands brushed mine as he handed it to me and I shrugged into it, inconspicuously taking a sniff as I pulled it tight around my body. It was a cold night for May, but it didn't matter.

My body felt warm enough when Caleb was by my side, we laid back down and our hands instantly tangled together once more. I continued to look at him as I felt my hair against my cheek, my cheeks instantly warming at thought I must look ridiculous. But he only smiled as he let his free hand move to caress my cheek and tuck the stray strands behind my ear.

The simple gesture left me speechless, Caleb had been so sweet in the months we had been together. We weren't a couple but we acted as such, we were just close. Closer than friends and friends with benefits but I knew I didn't want to date Caleb, it would complicate life.

"What are you thinking about?"

The question fell through my lips as he smiled over at me and his thumb lightly touched my cheekbones, his eyes seemed to be memorizing my face. "You," he whispered as he leaned forward and his hand slide to the back of my neck. My eyes instantly shut as his lips brushed mine softly, testing to see if it was okay.

I pressed mine forward urging him on as his lips finally captured my own, need and desire swirled inside of me as my free hand went to his hair to clutch him closer. The tender kiss was growing into pure animal passion, and my body quaked at the thought of it.

His lips raced across my face and down to my neck as I squeezed his hand and dragged his lips back to mine. Fireworks continued to explode behind my eyes and then he pulled back, "Open your eyes Rye," it wasn't a question but a demand. I forced my eyes to flutter open and maybe he saw the same need, the same desire and primitive animal inside of him mirrored in my eyes.

"Caleb," I barely recognized my own voice, it was low and husky and he groaned as he let his head fall to my shoulder. This wouldn't be going anywhere, my body screamed no in response to him not taking it further, I was wanting more and more. I sighed as I stopped clutching his hair and instead I played with it softly, my breathing returning to normal.

He pulled back to look at me and I smiled at him, the relationship between us had progressed from enemies, to friends and now it almost seemed to lovers. I has refused to let Caleb get into my pants so quickly, I refused to be easy and just be another one night stand.

But as I laid here beneath the stars I felt as if maybe, I needed to be more than just friends. I wanted this commitment with Caleb because as much as I wanted him, I knew he wanted me. It was had to accept that we liked each other, had that chemistry but had never been together.

I knew if I ever did get involved with him for me it wouldn't just be sex, no, it'd much more than that. It'd be a way for me to show my feelings to him, for me to show I trusted him and knew I could love him in time, it would be magical. He continued looking at me almost concerned because I wasn't speaking.

I let my hand fall to the nape of his neck, as he looked torn for a brief second. He smiled and I could feel myself melting and becoming more relaxed, the smile I had come to love. "Rye, I want to talk to you,"

I nodded as he removed himself from me, and sat next to me. Our hands still entwined as he gave a small encouraging smile, a part of me was jumping with joy. This was it, Caleb was going to ask to me to be his girlfriend. I bit my lip as the seconds ticked by us and he opened his mouth to speak.

"I can't see you anymore,"

I blinked a couple times and until his words finally sunk in, I was too numb to cry or even say anything. His hand leaving mine as he looked at me, his face was hard and his jaw was rigid. I couldn't think, my mind was drawing a blank as to what was happening. A few minutes ago I was contemplating giving the rest of myself to Caleb, letting him further in until the point I couldn't return.

My walls came back up but I was left shattered, as I looked blankly at him, "Rye," but I looked down knowing I couldn't look at him. My heart was torn as I felt him stand up, his hand brushing my shoulder and then coming to rest on it. His other hand tilting my chin up to look at him, "Be safe, Goodbye."

With that he leaned down and kissed my forehead, his hand holding my face in place but I knew even if it wasn't there I wouldn't have jerked back. Then I closed my eyes as his lips faded from my forehead and when I opened them he had faded from my view.

I knew at this moment, I had been in love with him, I didn't have to think about giving my love to him because I already had. The realization that I was alone hit me by force and I cried. I had been so strong and so defensive and then I let him, I let my walls down and I let myself love him.

I curled up upon the cold plastic of the slide, my cheek pressed against it as tears poured down my face. I closed my eyes letting myself sink beneath the depths of my thoughts. I felt as if I had just been killed and the pain felt more real than anything I had ever felt. Who knew loving somebody could be so dangerous?

Caleb left me, but was he ever mine to begin with?

I felt hands touch me and words wash over me in reassurance, but I didn't speak. I opened my eyes to stare into Ava's, her face was filled with sympathy as she gathered me into her arms as best as she could and held me. I couldn't cry anymore but I knew the pain wouldn't leave, not yet. Her hands stroked over my hair as I stayed silence, her words trying to soothe me.

Instead they did nothing for me, all I longed for was Caleb. The man I knew at this point and maybe too late, I had fallen head over heels in love with. The little things he did to annoy me, the way he'd smile at me and give me a hug in which it felt like he never wanted to let go. The small moments we'd share of telling each other our past, I fell in love.

I never noticed it before, I never believed in love. I never believed I would find love after the example my parents had set for me. I heard more voices drift towards me and I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and pretended to be asleep as my mind replayed memories in my head, the memories that would haunt me.

Would I ever be strong enough to move forward with my life?

I heard people speak my name but I couldn't talk, I didn't want to open my eyes. I didn't want to breath, just to sleep until the pain was gone. To believe that in time my love for Caleb would turn into hate and I could be happy once more, I'd be happy without him.

But wishing for that was like wishing for the sky to be yellow, impossible. Instead, I was imprisoned by memories and love for him, the love I had never realized I had. The love I didn't believe in and for this very reason.

Love tore people apart.