This Heart, It Beats, Beats for Only You

“You’re being retarded,” Nick mumbled to his brother as they fell onto the couch after Drew dropped Danielle and then them off.

“And you’re being nosy,” Joe shot back. “No one asked for your opinion.”

Kevin looked at his brothers, wondering what exactly had caused this. “What happened?” he questioned.

“He kissed Casey,” Nick said plainly.

Joe groaned, and leaned his head back on the couch. Did he need to be reminded of it every few seconds? He narrowed his eyes at his little brother. “Whatever,” he said. “It didn’t mean anything.”

Nick let out a laugh at that. “Yeah and we’re actually girls in disguise,” he rolled his eyes. “We’re not stupid, you know?”

Joe sighed, but didn’t say anything. He knew that nothing he said would convince his brothers of otherwise, not unless he truly meant every word. And he couldn’t say that the kiss meant nothing without completely lying.

“What’s so wrong about kissing her?” Kevin asked, confused.

“Everything,” Joe groaned. Why couldn’t his brothers see? Why couldn’t they understand? He could not, no, would not put anyone else through what his family already had to. He just couldn’t do it.

Kevin smiled understandingly. Joe just narrowed his eyes. Why was Kevin so damn understanding? Now he would say something that made too much sense and completely threw Joe off and got him to change his mind. It always happened that way. Damn Kevin. “You know, I think she’d understand,” he said quietly.

“Doesn’t matter,” Joe mumbled. “And no she wouldn’t.”

“You don’t give her enough credit,” Kevin said.

“And you don’t mind your own business,” he grumbled under his breath.

Nick crossed his arms and looked at his older brother. “You’re being retarded,” he said for the third time.

“How so?” Joe questioned. He knew they weren’t going to end this discussion until one side had convinced the other, might as well start working on it.

Nick sighed. “Joe, she likes you – a lot, maybe as much or more than you like her.”

“I do not like her,” Joe scoffed.

“Also, we’re not retards. That category fits only you and your stupidity,” Nick rolled his eyes. “She likes you and you like her?”

“Let’s say that was true. Why would it matter?” he asked. “So what?”

“So she’s willing to give you a part of her,” Nick sighed in frustration as he hurriedly continued. “Is it really so bad to do the same?”

Joe sighed. “You don’t know what you’re asking me.”

“Don’t we though?” Kevin asked, smiling sadly. “I mean, who would know better than us?”

Joe didn’t see how his brothers could know why it would be too hard, too wrong to let himself admit he liked Casey, and yet still argued that it didn’t matter. “So then why can’t you understand why I can’t?”

“We do,” Nick said quietly. “And we think you’re being retarded.”

“Well Nick thinks that,” Kevin smiled. “I personally think--.”

“That you’re being retarded,” Nick finished for him.

Kevin laughed. “No, I think you’re being too selfless.”

“And retarded,” Nick coughed.

Joe glared at his little brother. “Thank you Nicholas.” He looked at Kevin. “Isn’t it being selfish that you should stay away from? Not selfless. That’s actually a good quality.”

Kevin laughed again. “Yeah I mean being selfless is good, to a certain point. We all have to be selfish sometimes though Joe.”

Joe cringed. “Do you guys even get what me being selfish would mean?” They both looked at him as his voice rose and had a hysterical ring to it, but they didn’t say anything. They waited for him to continue. “Yes I like Casey – a lot. I may even love her. Hell, I’ve fallen head over heels for her, hard and fast. But it doesn’t matter! You guys can call me retarded and say I’m too selfless or whatever the hell you want to, but it doesn’t change the fact that I can’t give my heart to someone when it won’t be beating for much longer.”

He sank back in the couch, feeling defeated. He looked at his brothers, a helpless look on his face. His brothers’ looks were sympathetic, but just as helpless. There it was the hurtful truth that plagued the family, the reason Joe couldn’t tell Casey he loved her. He was dying because of a heart disease and he didn’t have much time left.

His voice was low as he spoke again. “So tell me, how am I supposed to ask for her heart when I can’t give her my own? How am I supposed to say here take this broken heart and please just for a little while, make me feel like nothing else matters but us, make me forget that I’m dying?” His voice dropped to a whisper as he stood up. “Tell me how to do that and I will gladly go do it.”

His brothers just stared at him, unable to say a thing as he walked out of the room.