Leaving My Fingerprints

“How long have you known?” Kevin asked. We were sitting on the stairs, still talking. I had told Kevin everything, and it felt surprisingly good. It was all out in the open now.

“A while,” I said.

“Like last time you were here?” he asked, his tone accusing.

“Yes,” I whispered after a moment.

He looked at me, his eyes slightly pained. “And you didn’t tell us?”

“What was I supposed to say?” I asked.

“Um I don’t know but you could have started with hey guys I have leukemia,” he said quietly, anger slightly in his tone.

I sighed, looking down at my knees. “It’s not that easy.”

He took my hand gently and smiled at me. “Maxie, you’re like a sister to me and Joe. You’re Nick’s best friend. We would have worked through it. Maybe we could have helped.”

“You couldn’t have,” I said quietly. “No one can.”

“Nick would have wanted to know,” he reminded me. “We all would have.”

“Now you know,” I said.

“Yes, I know,” he said. “Joe and Nick, oh God, Nick. Okay I can see why you didn’t tell him, or Joe for that matter. But me? Max, you know you could tell me anything.”

“I know,” I said. “But I didn’t know how.”

He hugged me. “We’ll work this out, okay? It’ll be okay.”

“It won’t though,” I said, tears brimming in my eyes. “I have six months Kevin.”

“Six months for what?” Joe asked behind us.

Kevin and I stood up quickly, turning to look at him. “Wait what?” I asked, groaning. This happened to me way too much. Or maybe it was just me being paranoid.

“I just came to see what was taking you guys so long,” Joe said. “I mean, Kevin, she’s too young for you, not to mention her and Nick are like soul mates. Granted, he doesn’t know they’re soul mates, and Miss I’m too cool to admit I love your brother Capewell over there won’t admit it, but still.”

“You’re too amusing,” I rolled my eyes.

“So seriously, what’s in six months?” he asked again.

I groaned. He hadn’t forgotten about that. “Oh you know that thing that you know,” I stammered, trying to think of a lie. I suddenly remembered the one I had told Nick at the airport. “My mom got a job.”

“A job?” he looked at me confused.

“Yeah, in Egypt,” I said. “We’re moving there.”

Kevin shook his head sighing. I knew he disapproved. I knew he thought I should tell. But I couldn’t.

“To Egypt?” Joe asked, astonished. “But that’s so far away.”

“I know,” I said quietly. “But hey, you’ll remember me, right?”

“We’re going to see you,” he rolled his eyes. “We could tour there and stuff. It’ll be awesome!”

“Yeah, right um awesome,” I said.

“Now can we go back to Demi’s room?” Joe asked. “Nick and Emma are still making googly eyes at each other. I need someone to entertain me.”

I laughed. “We’re coming,” I said. He nodded and went back in.

I turned to Kevin. “Thanks for not telling,” I said.

“It’s your secret,” he shrugged, hugging me. “But you should tell them. Nick especially. He des—“

“Deserves to know, yeah I got it,” I said.

He smiled and walked up to the room. I sighed, making sure my eyes were dry before following him.

---

“Do you ever think about the future Nick?” I asked him quietly. Demi, Joe, and Kevin were watching a movie downstairs, and Emma was fast asleep in a sleeping bag on the floor. I smiled at that thought. She still had to get used to our lifestyle. She hadn’t hung out with us long enough to know that sleep was for wusses. Nick and I were lying on Demi’s bed talking. I had thought to ask him this question for a long time.

“Yeah,” he said. “I think about it a lot.”

“What do you see?” I asked, my voice still low.

“I see,” he began. “My brothers, and the band reaching new levels with our music. I see myself in college. Maybe President. I see us being best friends forever, and just hanging out a lot.”

I turned so I was lying on my side to look at him as he talked. His eyes were on the ceiling, a million years away.

He smiled, still so far away. “We’ll still be conspiring against Joe. And he’ll still be a doofus.”

I giggled. “That is true.”

He looked at me. “What do you see?”

I sighed. “Nothing,” I said quietly.

“What?” he asked, confused. His eyes were now boring in mine.

“Oh nevermind,” I smiled.

“No tell me,” he insisted. “You know you can tell me anything.”

“I know,” I reassured him, looking away. I couldn’t look him in the eyes and lie to him.

“So what’s wrong?” he asked. “You’re so out of it.”

“I just don’t think about the future,” I said, my voice still low. “I’m more of a now person.”

“Since when?” he questioned.

Since I found out I was going to die. “Forever, I guess,” I lied.

He looked at me, his eyes contemplative. “Why do I get the feeling you’re hiding something from me?”

“I’m not,” I said, looking at his hair, anywhere but his eyes.

He took my chin and made me gaze into his eyes. His eyes were forceful and smoldering, and pained. “Please?”