Join the Band

I watched them stare at me in horror as the words came out of my mouth.
“Haylee, please, I’m sorry. Hate me all you want for what I did but don’t quit the band.” Jai pleaded. I shook my head.
“Jai, it’s not just that.” I took a deep breath as he frowned at me, “Look, I still have feelings for you Jai, of course I do, they don’t just disappear. But, when Matt came to find me after we found out about Joe, I...Jai I kissed him.” I was staring at the ground but I still heard his sharp intake of air.
“What?” He spat.
“I have feelings for Matt too.”
“What?” This time it was Matt who said it and I looked up at him. He was staring at me with a mix of hopefulness and guilt.
“But, what does that mean? You like us both?” Jai said, confused. I bit my lip and nodded.
“For want of a better way to describe it, yeah.”
“But Haylee, we talked about this. You shouldn’t have to quit the band, I...” Matt was frowning at me.
“I do. Guys if I chose to be with one of you then I’ll have to hurt the other and I love you both too much to do that. But I can’t stay in the band with you both because it’ll hurt you too much to be near me.” I had gone over this in my head as I had sat there in the park, but I still found it hard to say it to them. “You guys deserve better than me and you need some time away from me to realise that.” I didn’t want to leave them, but I had decided I had fucked things up too much, I needed to step out.
“Haylee...” Matt started, reaching forward to touch my knee, but Jai interrupted him.
“Don’t touch her.” He hissed. Matt and I turned to stare at him.
“What is your problem?” Matt said.
“This is your fault. Haylee would have come back to me if you weren’t in the picture.” He said, glaring at Matt.
“Jai, no, this isn’t Matt fault.” I said, pleading with him to calm down.
“Haylee, shut up, just...shut up.” He ran a hand through his hair and turned around walking off towards his house. I stared after him, blinking, before burring my face in my knees.
“Haylee, I...” Matt patted my back.
“Just go Matt.” I murmured not looking up at him. I felt him pause before his hand left my back and his footsteps faded away.

~Jai’s POV~

My mind had awoken but my eyes hadn’t opened. I didn’t want to open them. Didn’t want to turn my head and see Haylee’s closed curtains. She’d never closed them until yesterday afternoon. The afternoon after she’d told me and Matt she was quitting the band. I wanted to believe it was a dream.
“Jai you have to get up, we have practice.” Nate’s voice at my door confirmed what I didn’t want to be true - it wasn’t a dream, Haylee had left us, and I had to go next door and practice for Battle of the Bands without her. I sighed and exited my room, not caring that my hair was sticking out in odd directions and I probably looked like crap. Nate took one look at me and sighed, walking down stairs and heading for the door. I followed him, grabbing my lucky sticks on the way out. Nate was filling in - I refused to think the word “replacing” - for Haylee. He was good, as good as any fourteen year old could be before his voice broke, but he was no Haylee. I screwed up my eyes and rubbed my temples, trying not to think about her, trying not to think about the fact that this was her house, that she was just upstairs. I resisted the urge to head up there (barely) and followed Nate down to the basement.

Matt looked as fucked as me but I took no noticed, sitting down behind my drums and banging out a half hearted beat. Zane walked in and my head snapped up, but he held his hand up before I could say anything.
“Haylee is out shopping with Belle and Zoe, she’ll be out all day, she said something about needed a new pair of purple skinny jeans. That’s all I know, don’t ask anymore questions about her.” He said seriously, looking first at me and then at Matt. I followed his gaze and frowned when I saw that Matt was being as attentive as I was. I clenched my jaw and glared down at my snare. This really was mostly his fault.

“Come on, let’s get started.” I looked over to see Nate giving me his raised eyebrow look. I sighed and mumbled,
“Gives You Hell.” Before counting everyone in.

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
When you hear this song and sing along oh you'll never tell
Then you're the fool, I'm just as well
Hope it gives you hell
When you hear this song I hope that it will give you hell
You can sing along I hope that it will treat you well

Nate’s singing was good and Zane’s bass line was awesome but the guitar dragged and I knew my drum beat was not up to scratch. We finished and Zane sighed.
“Take five guys.” He murmured, taking his bass off and exiting the room. I threw my sticks down, snapping one of them in two.
“Argh!” I exclaimed, standing up in frustration, “They were my lucky sticks.” I turned and glared at Matt, anger surging through my body. Anger at myself, anger at Zane’s disappointment in us, but mostly anger at Matt.
“This is all your fault.” I said quietly, venom pulsing through my words.
“Jai...” Nate said wearily, halfway through closing a bottle of water.
“Stay out of it Nate.” I warned, not taking my eyes off Matt.
“Listen to Jai, Nate, stay out of it.” Matt said, putting his guitar down. “So what are you going to do? Hit me? Do you think that’ll make you feel better? Make Haylee come back to you?” He took a step away from the amps, keeping his body facing me. My glare hardened and I stepped around my drum kit, towards him.
“Maybe I should hit you. I know it wont bring Haylee back to me but it’ll sure as hell make me feel better.” I growled.
“Well then fucking hit me!” Matt yelled, “Maybe it’ll make us both feel better.” I glared even harder and closed the distance between us with a few long strides. I pulled my arm back and punched him straight in the nose. The contact between face and fist, the satisfying crunch of bone did make me feel better, but only for a second. And then Matt was slumped in a chair, blood pouring from his nose. But he didn’t move to hit me back, didn’t even show the pain much on his face. He just grabbed a cloth off a table and held it to his nose, wincing slightly every now and then. We stayed like that in silence for a moment, Matt in the chair and me standing over him, before Nate broke the silence.
“Fuck, Matt are you alright?” Matt just nodded and stood up.
“I’ll see you around.” He said, the words slightly muffled under his cloth. He glanced and me quickly before exiting the room and I knew, then and there, that all friendship ties had been severed between us. Nate hesitated for a moment, before he, too, left the room. I sank in to a chair, head in my hand, completely alone, and the thought struck through my head, What had I done?