This Empty Love

“Uhm, Taylor,” Oliver started to say, breaking the silence in the car. “Yeh were asleep yesterday when I got home, but the doc said I needed to tell yeh about what he would bring up today.”

I looked away from the window and glanced at him, noting his awkward body language. “And the topics are?” I asked, wondering why he didn’t tell me this morning.

“Uh.” Oliver was nervous and I could tell. Something was probably brought up yesterday that would effect us both, “More past, what happened a few months ago and sex.” He trailed off at the end but I still caught what he said.

“Sex?” I asked shocked. I turned in my seat, the belt cutting into my shoulder, to get a better look at him. He glanced away from the road and to me for a moment, nodding. “Why sex? How did that come up?”

Oliver shrugged as he changed lanes, pretending to focus on driving. He finally responded a few minutes later. “Well, the stuff from a while ago was brought up and-”

I cut him off. “Why can’t you say ‘when I cheat on you’?” I spat before glaring and looking out the window again. “A lot happened a few months ago, be specific.” A bit of an overreaction.

“Fine, it was brought up along with the explanation of when I cheated on you.” Oliver spat back. Getting him angry in the car wasn’t good. I noticed as he made a hard left and sped up.

“Calm down, Oliver.” I said in a fake soothing voice. I mimicked the way he would slip my name into his sentences. “But does he, ya’know, want to know about some detail?”

“How am I supposed to know?” Oliver asked, frustrated. He threw his arms in the air for a moment until before realizing he was driving and he instantly grabbed the wheel again.

I had a feeling this would be a long session today.

&&

“So, let’s get this straight once and for all.” Owens said, after Oliver and I were done explaining the current situation. “You were broken up two different times, and after that, you’ve always been together, correct?” We both nodded, leading him to continue, “And, had you both been faithful after that?”

“Well,” I spoke up, ready to let some anger out. “I know that I was, but I can’t say the same for Oliver.”

“Now Taylor, don’t go throwing him under the bus. Oliver, care to explain or justify yourself? Let me in on all the occasions in which you cheated.” Owens said. In his unique way, I think he was siding with me.

Oliver sighed and glanced at me, causing me to feel a slight pang of guiltiness. “It was twice before we were engaged. I would just get drunk, not think properly, and get a simple make-out hook up at some of my shows.” He explained. His voice was low. “I never cheated during our marriage until the incident a few months ago, and even so, I can’t believe I did that.”

“So it’s safe to say you regret that?” The doctor asked, scribbling something down.

If we make it to our two year anniversary, I’m asking Oliver to steal that notepad for me as a present. I’m curious to see what little secrets it’s full of.

“Yes.” Oliver confirmed. “We may have our differences, and we may not get along at the moment, but I never wanted to hurt her that way. At least I had enough balls to tell her about it.”

“What was your first response when he told you?” Owens asked, turning is gaze to me.

“I slapped him.” I admitted cheekily, “And then I broke down.”

“And how has your relationship been since then? Since you found out?” It was questions, and more questions, followed by even more questions.

“We hardly have a relationship. That’s when everything started to hit rock bottom.” I started to confess, wanting it all out of my system. Oliver wasn’t speaking up yet, “We hardly talk now, let alone put up with being in the same room. I honestly feel like I’ve lost my best friend.”

“Oliver? Your view?” Owens asked, “I want both sides.”

“Well, it’s ‘bout the same.” Oliver muttered, playing with his hands. “We don’t talk much, we don’t see each other unless we have to, and we’re on edge with each other. It’s like we’re tip-toeing around broken glass all the fuckin’ time.”

Owens nodded as a mischievous smile appeared on his face. Him being young, I guess, made him easier to relation to us on what was going to be an awkward day. “So can I safely assume that you haven’t had much physical contact lately, including sexual activities.”

Oh God, here it comes. I was slightly dreading this topic.

I coughed one of those nervous coughs. “Yes, it’s safe to say that.” I replied in a low tone, glancing over at Oliver who just nodded.

“So when was the last time you two experienced sexual intercourse?” Owens asked. He obviously had no shame or sense of embarrassment.

“Could yeh just keep it simple and call it sex?” Oliver asked, sounding like I had earlier in the car. “Why make it all awkward an’ complicated.” He didn’t answer the question.

Owens noticed. “Since Taylor answered the last question, why don’t you answer the one I just asked.” He tiled his head to the left, barely, and smiled at Oliver who glared back.

“The last time we had sex together was a week before I cheated on her. After I told her, she decided it would be best to work on our trust, rather than act like it didn’t happen.” Oliver spat, his voice defensive. “And no, if you’re thinking it, I haven’t fooled around with anyone since.”

Dr. Owens looked taken back by Oliver’s suddenly harsh tone. He decided to push Oliver’s buttons. “You seem very defensive Oliver. Can I ask why?”

“You’re askin’ us about very personal shit, doc.” Oliver responded, “And it all comes back to the fact that I fucked up. Not my favorite topic.” His accent was getting thicker every second her grew angrier.

Without thinking properly, I reached my arm over and rubbed Oliver’s back as he leaned forward and places his elbows on his knees. He just glanced at me, giving a small smile, as I let my hand fall from his back and to the couch once more.

“Wait a second, don’t act like I didn’t see that.” Owens commented, a smile hinting on his lips as he looked back and forth between us. “That’s a big step. Taylor, you just did something instinctive, something I’m guessing you used to do a lot to calm him down. And Oliver, you got defensive over your personal life, because most woman feel the need to conceal that between two people. This is all reflecting the fact that you two still care about each other.”

“I think you’re getting off topic,” I mutter. Though I didn’t want him talking about sex, I definitely didn’t want him prying into this too.

“Alright, if you feel that way, I’ll continue.” Owens said. He seemed like the type to get back at me for talking. “Tell me, when you two are in the process of sex, do you kiss? Do you say “I love you?” at all? What goes down?”

I had a feeling he would take his frustration out on us for being difficult.

I was feeling sarcastic and bitchy. “We kiss, we hold close, and of course Oliver would whisper random nothings in my ear along with the fact that he loved me.” I said, my voice becoming snarky, “Oh, and if you must know, I have the best damn orgasms.”

Owens raised his eyebrows up and sat back in his chair. Again, he wrote something, before looking up at us, “I think we’re done for today.”

We were up and out of there quickly, both of us fuming. Half way to the car, I figured it out. Owens did this on purpose, to make us “frustrated” with each other. He got us to open up, in a way, and finally agree on something, like us both hating Owens at the moment or realizing three months without sex was starting to take a toll on us. Right now, I wasn’t sure whether to thank Owens, or hate him even more.