For You To Notice

Dear Erika,

I'm your secret admirer, you're the one I desire. From the first time we talked, my feelings for you sparked like fire. Please try to understand, I'm afraid to let my feelings show. But I don't want to be left alone, I just want to hold you and never let go.. But so far all I have are dreams of you.. I never thought it was possible to fall in love with you.. You're so sweet and caring, I must be dreaming.. I'm your secret admirer, if only you knew that my love for you has been set on fire. But I'm trying to be careful, I don't want to be left heartbroken

I'm just your secret admirer
And that's all I'll ever be...

I cannot believe that Brayden actually wanted me to give Erika this.. this.. there's no words for this letter. I couldn't help myself but I had to let out a loud laugh, re-reading the 'secret admirer' letter again. I wish I could make fun of Brayden for this, but I wasn't supposed to read that. It wasn't meant for my eyes to see.

So, instead of actually hand delivering this letter that had failed miserably, I decided to take things into my own hands. Crumpling up the letter that Brayden wrote, I grabbed another piece of paper from my own collection. Using the same purple pen that I used for the one I wrote for Brayden, I decided to rewrite a new secret admirer letter for Erika.

Once again, my feelings for Brayden took over as I wrote everything I wanted to tell him down.

Dear my beloved Erika,

I want to tell you I want you here with me, if only for one night. I live day to day thinking of you. I picture in my mind everything about you, as if you were really here beside me.

Why does my throat close whenever you speak? My heart breaks just to be around you. I take in the way you move, the way you talk, and the way you smell whenever you are around.

How can I get close to you? I'm too shy to talk to you; so at this moment it feels safer to watch you from afar with no rejections. You have taken up residence in my mind. I want so badly for you to tell me everything I want to hear but you won't. I want you to tell me that you want me, but you won't. Every time I think of you I can feel the butterflies fluttering inside me. You don't notice me or the way I look at you; maybe it's 'cause you only see me as a friend and nothing more, but when I look at you, nothing could turn my eyes away.

You're beautiful, and I think I love you.

But until then, I'll stay..
Your secret admirer

Smiling to myself as I re-read the letter again, I couldn't help but feel satisfied with it. It was everything that I wanted Brayden to know, but could never let him figure out in fear of what would happen to our friendship.

Placing the new letter into a new envelope, I licked the adhesive and wrote Erika's name on the front. Hearing my phone ringing and vibrating next to me, I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the name on the caller I.D.

"Hey Erika, what's going on?" I reluctantly asked, I didn't want to hear anything about her new boy toy of the week.

"Nothing Rhiannon. I just got back from hanging out with Adam. You remember him, right? The college sophomore? Well, I haven't told you because I keep forgetting, but he and I are in a relationship. About three months now, I think I love him." Twirling in my computer chair, I couldn't help but shake my head at Erika.

That's what she always said when she had a "relationship." After a month she would say how much she loved him and all that bullshit. She couldn't possibly know anything about love. She's never been in a relationship long enough to even have the slightest clue what it felt like.

"Yeah, he was alright looking. But, hey.. I have something here for you. Can you come over anytime soon?" I could hear her chuckling on the other line.

"I can stop by tomorrow morning, if that's okay with you? I know how you like to sleep in during the summer." I smiled at that, at least she remembered, unlike Brayden.

"Sure, tomorrow's fine with me." Hanging up the phone after saying goodbye, I couldn't help but feel anxious for some reason. It might have something to do with the heat, or the thought of seeing Brayden anytime tonight.

But, I shouldn't get my hopes up.