The Past Belongs In The Past
Chapter Six- Withdrawal
“Okay pyjama time!” I called.
“No! No pyjamas!” she squealed.
“Well I can’t have you running around in the nudie-boodie now can I?!”
“Nudie Maddie!” she shrieked.
The phone in the kitchen began to ring.
“Okay you have five minutes. See if you can get your pyjamas on all by yourself.” I challenged. “Bet you can’t…”
“I can!” she said stubbornly, pushing out her bottom lip in an unwavering pout.
I hurried into the kitchen and picked up the phone.
“Hello this is Anna.” I said wiping bath water off my hands with a towel.
“Anna?” said a familiar voice uncertainly.
“Yes. Who is this?”
“Hey Anna, um… it’s Mikey.”
I froze, dropping the towel.
“How did you get this number?” I asked a little rudely.
“A woman at your work gave it to me…um…Cat I think her name was.”
Oh I am going to take a chunk out of her.
“Yea…” I said. I was shaking.
“So… how have you been?”
“Fine” I said bemused.
“Mummy is that Shi-shi? Tell her I want my nose back! She stole it!” yelled Madison as she walked in the room.
“Um...no it’s not, Maddie. Go put Mary Poppins on, I’ll be there in a second.” She wandered off again.
“Who was that?” Mikey asked.
“That was just Ma…” I realised he didn’t know who Madison was. “My daughter.” I said trying to sound unshaken.
“Your…daughter. You have a daughter.”
“Yes. Madison, my daughter.” I babbled.
“How old is she?”
“Three and a quarter.” I said automatically. The second I said it I wished I hadn’t. He wasn’t dumb, he’d do the math.
There was complete silence on the other end of the phone for a moment.
“Holy shit.” He murmured incredulously. “She’s…Is she…?”
“Yes, but Mikey you can’t. You can’t tell him.” I pleaded helplessly.
“Annie…why didn’t you tell us?” he sounded just as hopeless.
“I couldn’t. I couldn’t face it, so I left.” I said sadly.
“But…” he stammered.
“You know we had problems…he had a problem… I had a problem.” I whispered.
I sat in the corner of the hotel room. I was covered in a cold sweat. I was shaking violently. I needed it. I needed it now.
My vision blurred and the room spun.
I rushed to the bathroom just in time to meet the horrible retching.
It would make it all better. I knew it would. The little bag of white powder. Only one or two strips would do…
No! I told myself. I looked down at my now-flat, toned stomach. I needed to stay strong… for ‘it’.
I lay down on the cold bathroom floor with my knees pulled into my chest. I clutched at my stomach.
For my baby.
“He’s clean now.” Mikey said, “He checked into rehab just after you left.”
“I couldn’t take that chance, Mikey. You can’t bring up a child with junkie, alcoholic parents! I almost lost her when I was suffering from withdrawal. I couldn’t lose her completely.”
“He should know.” Mikey said after a while.
“No. He doesn’t need to know. You guys are doing so well. I’ve seen the ads, new album going platinum. Congratulations.”
“Anna he misses you.”
“It’s been over three years. Why now?”
“Because it’s time. We stopped him from going after you for so long. We thought you’d make him slip back when he was doing so well.” Mikey said sadly.
“I have a new life now. It’s Maddie and me. We don’t need or want him.” I said as boldly as I could. “Don’t tell him Mikey.”
“He deserves this.”
“Mikey, please.” I begged.
“You have to tell him.”
I paused “I will.”
Eventually.
“No! No pyjamas!” she squealed.
“Well I can’t have you running around in the nudie-boodie now can I?!”
“Nudie Maddie!” she shrieked.
The phone in the kitchen began to ring.
“Okay you have five minutes. See if you can get your pyjamas on all by yourself.” I challenged. “Bet you can’t…”
“I can!” she said stubbornly, pushing out her bottom lip in an unwavering pout.
I hurried into the kitchen and picked up the phone.
“Hello this is Anna.” I said wiping bath water off my hands with a towel.
“Anna?” said a familiar voice uncertainly.
“Yes. Who is this?”
“Hey Anna, um… it’s Mikey.”
I froze, dropping the towel.
“How did you get this number?” I asked a little rudely.
“A woman at your work gave it to me…um…Cat I think her name was.”
Oh I am going to take a chunk out of her.
“Yea…” I said. I was shaking.
“So… how have you been?”
“Fine” I said bemused.
“Mummy is that Shi-shi? Tell her I want my nose back! She stole it!” yelled Madison as she walked in the room.
“Um...no it’s not, Maddie. Go put Mary Poppins on, I’ll be there in a second.” She wandered off again.
“Who was that?” Mikey asked.
“That was just Ma…” I realised he didn’t know who Madison was. “My daughter.” I said trying to sound unshaken.
“Your…daughter. You have a daughter.”
“Yes. Madison, my daughter.” I babbled.
“How old is she?”
“Three and a quarter.” I said automatically. The second I said it I wished I hadn’t. He wasn’t dumb, he’d do the math.
There was complete silence on the other end of the phone for a moment.
“Holy shit.” He murmured incredulously. “She’s…Is she…?”
“Yes, but Mikey you can’t. You can’t tell him.” I pleaded helplessly.
“Annie…why didn’t you tell us?” he sounded just as hopeless.
“I couldn’t. I couldn’t face it, so I left.” I said sadly.
“But…” he stammered.
“You know we had problems…he had a problem… I had a problem.” I whispered.
I sat in the corner of the hotel room. I was covered in a cold sweat. I was shaking violently. I needed it. I needed it now.
My vision blurred and the room spun.
I rushed to the bathroom just in time to meet the horrible retching.
It would make it all better. I knew it would. The little bag of white powder. Only one or two strips would do…
No! I told myself. I looked down at my now-flat, toned stomach. I needed to stay strong… for ‘it’.
I lay down on the cold bathroom floor with my knees pulled into my chest. I clutched at my stomach.
For my baby.
“He’s clean now.” Mikey said, “He checked into rehab just after you left.”
“I couldn’t take that chance, Mikey. You can’t bring up a child with junkie, alcoholic parents! I almost lost her when I was suffering from withdrawal. I couldn’t lose her completely.”
“He should know.” Mikey said after a while.
“No. He doesn’t need to know. You guys are doing so well. I’ve seen the ads, new album going platinum. Congratulations.”
“Anna he misses you.”
“It’s been over three years. Why now?”
“Because it’s time. We stopped him from going after you for so long. We thought you’d make him slip back when he was doing so well.” Mikey said sadly.
“I have a new life now. It’s Maddie and me. We don’t need or want him.” I said as boldly as I could. “Don’t tell him Mikey.”
“He deserves this.”
“Mikey, please.” I begged.
“You have to tell him.”
I paused “I will.”
Eventually.