Because These Words Were Meant For You

I shivered, rolling onto my side as I heard the headboard bang against the wall dully.
But it wasn’t my headboard, no; it was the one in the room over.
Nita and Jay’s room.
Hump, hump, hump away you damn fuck rabbits.
“Good God,” I mumbled tiredly, cupping my hands under my stomach as I started the grueling task of sitting in the upright position.
And I’m dead serious on that.
It was an absolutely grueling task now that it was so damn big. Everything was harder when you had a baby inside of you, especially when you were in your third trimester. It’s beyond words how difficult it is to move when your stomach is about to weigh you over and make you fall to the floor like a damn bowling pin.
“They’ve been at it for a while now,” Dillon grumbled quietly, his large body sitting up in the bed behind me. “You alright?”
“I have to pee,” I said, looking over my shoulder as I stared at him. “When did you get in here?”
“Sorry,” He answered instantly, rolling off the mattress as he stood and made his way around the end of the bed. “The couch isn’t long enough and I couldn’t get comfortable. It’s been really hard for me, Autumn.” He bent over, his arm sliding under my knees and one around my back as he heaved me up into his arms. “Really hard to sleep without you in my arms.”
“Dillon, please don’t.” I mumbled, wrapping my arm around the back of his neck as he carried me into the bathroom, the loud banging of the headboard closer than ever.
“We’re going to have to talk about it sooner or later,” He pulled at my panties, making sure they fell against my ankles as he sat me down on the toilet seat carefully. “Please, baby.”
“Can you leave?” I frowned, playing with my fingers nervously as I sat there, trying to hold in the stream of liquid. “It’s a little embarrassing.”
“Oh, uh, sure,” He shook his head and made his way out of the small room, closing the door behind himself softly.
I sighed heavily as I went to the bathroom, my head spinning with irrational thoughts as I tried not to beat myself over the head with the toilet paper holder.
Oh wow.
I giggled to myself, absolutely cracking up over my stupid antics. I mean, the toilet paper holder?
Honestly, just wow.
“Dillon?” I asked as I heaved myself up from bowl and flushed the toilet, washing my hands with warm water in the sink. “I can’t do it.”
“Do what? “ He asked quickly as he came in, his lips pulling upward in a smile as he stared at me. “You can’t reach?”
“No,” I giggled loudly and looked down, only being able to see my swelled up stomach and the floor. “I can’t even see my feet anymore, let alone my undies. Help?”
“Sure babe,” He leaned over and pulled my panties up my legs, fastening them around my hips and running his fingers through the waistband to get out any flips or curls. “There, want me to carry you back?”
“If it doesn’t break your back or hurt that would be nice.” He nodded and pulled me into his arms again, bringing me back into the bedroom.
“Do you need anything?” He laid me on the bed carefully, falling into the spot beside me.
“You’re company isn’t bad,” I answered truthfully, rolling onto my side so I faced him. “You wanna talk? Or should I? Because I have to tell you the truth.”
“Let me say one thing first,” He mumbled, propping his head up on his hand as he stared at me. “I’m really sorry. I wish I could take it back. More than anything in the world I wish I could take it back. But I can’t so I’m just going to have to settle for I’m sorry.”
“Do you mean that? Honestly?”
“Honestly. So fucking much.”
“Because I’m willing to sit here and be with you,” I watched as his face lit up, his eyes blazing with happiness. “Not as in dating, but I can be friends. We need to be friends, we need to be close. Dillon, our baby is coming in a month; one month. I need you, I won’t deny that. I’m not ready to get back with you in a lover relationship and I don’t know if I’ll ever be, but I need you for the sake of our kid. Fuck, Dillon, I just need you period. I wish I could tell you that all was forgiven and that I loved you and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, because it’s all true. But I can’t do that to myself and then get heartbroken again.”
“I’ll never do tha—“
“No, don’t promise me that.” I shook my head, reaching over and running my fingers through his hair lightly. “Because I don’t want you to promise me something you’re not sure you can keep. Just promise me that you’re going to be here for me and him, and that you’re going to try and show him how to be a good man. Show him that you love him, take care of him; take care of us. Just please, that’s all you have to do for me. Maybe it’s a lot to ask, but that’s what I need right now.”
“I promise I’ll take care of you two. I won’t ever let you go. I’m going to be the best dad, I swear to God I will be. I’ll tell that kid I love him every fucking day; I’ll go to the park with him. I’ll take him to baseball games. I’ll tell him he can do whatever he sets his mind to.” He sighed heavily, leaning over as he pressed his lips into mine. “I’ll tell you I love you every fucking day, because I mean it. I know I’m a fuck up and I know I screwed up; royally. But I swear to God I will fix this. Just gimmie the chance.”
“I’m giving you the chance right now, and I’m telling you that you can be here with us and you can help me and be as close to us as if you were with me. But you won’t be. I can’t Dillon, you have to understand that. I just can’t yet. I can’t forgive you for that. Not yet.”
“I know,” He kissed me again, this time a much lighter, delicate kiss. “And I won’t push you.”
Maybe it was just a tiny kiss, barely nothing at all.
But it still gave me those lower tummy butterflies.
No matter how small and fluttery they were.