Because These Words Were Meant For You

“About what?” I asked quietly, nervously pulling my fingers from within his luscious locks of golden brown hair.
“About us,” He said, avoiding my eyes as he chugged down his beer and gazed straight at the wall in front of us.
“What about us?” I tried again, desperately trying to get the truth out of him.
I mean, honestly, come on.
“I think we need a break.” He mumbled, a deep, long sigh escaping his lips.
“….You want to break up?” I clarified, my eyes wide with fear as I sat silently still in his lap.
“Yeah,” He nodded, slowly pushing my body onto the couch next to him as he stood, pacing back and forth across the hard wood floor. “I just need to find myself. And I can’t do that with you. I need a break, Autumn. ”
“Wh-why?” I choked, gripping the full beer bottle in my hand tightly. “Why do you need a break? You go on tour and get them all the time. That’s a break in itself.”
“I’m sick and tired.” He glared down at me, his footsteps speeding up with his new found rage. “You should fucking understand that.”
“But I fucking don’t!” I screamed, rising to my feet and setting the bottle down on the table before I shattered it into a million little pieces. “I really don’t get it! Explain this to me! I fucking asked you the other night if you were tired of this or not and you said no!”
“Well I fucking lied!” He shot back, his eyes wide with loathing. “Get over it.”
“So you are tired of this relationship?”
“Isn’t that what I just said?”
“So what? You’re leaving?”
“Why would I leave?” He scoffed, spreading his arms out and motioning around the apartment. “This is my place. I had it before I even met you. You should leave.”
“Wait, so you’re breaking up with me and kicking me out?! “ I yelled, angrily clenching my fists together. “How long have you been planning this!?”
“I didn’t plan anything! I just finally decided that it was time. Why string something dying along? Just let it die.”
“You didn’t answer my question.” I glared up at him, my eyes starting to water from rage and immense sadness.
“Since I left for tour,” He answered seriously, glancing around the room for a split second before he focused back on me. “And I’m glad I had that time to think things out.”
“I just…..I can’t believe it.” I sniffled loudly, trying to gather all my composure around in a circle and hug it as tightly as I could. “Why now? Why?”
“I can’t do it anymore, Autumn. I can’t be in a relationship with a partner that expects more than a fuck and the occasional cuddle. You want a husband and I can’t be that for you. I can’t be in a relationship with that type of pressure on it.”
“That’s not true and you know it!” I cried out, pointing an enraged, shaky finger at him. “You know it! I never asked you to marry me! I never once even hinted at it! And even if I had, you’d make a great husband! All a husband has to do is provide and love. And you do both already!”
“You just fucking said it!” He yelled, throwing his hands in the air like he had made his point. “You see what I mean!?”
“I was speaking in context! I was trying to get you to see things from my point of view!”
“No, you were speaking with hidden words. Everything you say has another meaning behind it.” He spat harshly, his eyes throwing daggers at my body. “It always has.”
“None of what you’re saying is making any sense! You’re attacking me for no fucking reason!” I gasped quietly, sucking in all the breath that I possibly could and desperately willing myself not to cry. “This isn’t fair, Dillon. I love you.” I raised my voice, trying to make these words count. “Love! You were my first and I wanted you to be my last! Why are you doing this to me!?”
“Because I don’t fucking want to be your last! I’m not even thirty yet and I’m in a fucking seriously relationship. I should be out partying and getting down with hookers instead of your stupid whore ass!” He stopped suddenly, realization setting in as his eyes went wide. “I didn’t mean that.”
“Yes, you did. I hope you have fun, Dillon. I hope those hookers give you STD’s and make you’re junk itch! I hope you’re fucking happy, because you’ll never get pussy from this stupid whore ass ever again!” I screamed, grabbing my hoodie off the back of the kitchen chair and running out the front door.
I couldn’t think, much less breath. So when I slipped on the bottom step of the stairs, where I normally would have yelped and grabbed my ankle from the pain, I just didn’t. I picked myself up off the ground and pushed my body to keep on going further.
I had to, no, let me rephrase that, needed to, be as far away from him as I possibly could get myself.
“I’ll never give my heart out again.” I promised, slowing my pace down to a fast walk as I sifted in through the downtown Hollywood crowd. “Never.”
What was I suppose to do now?
Eat shit and die?
Lucky me.