Second Heartbeat

My eyes fluttered open, and I could feel that they were still swollen.

The tears didn't stop as Emily took me home last night. The tears didn't stop as Emily made Brian carry me up to her guest room. The tears didn't stop as everyone gave me a good-night kiss.

I stared up at the white ceiling.

This white ceiling wasn't perfect like the white ceiling in the hotel room. This white ceiling had a fan in the middle of it. It had a vent, and there were areas where the white wasn't as white.

Emily obviously wasn't a painter.

This white ceiling wasn't perfect.

It was full of imperfection, just like me.

I couldn't do anything right anymore or so it seemed like it. I couldn't keep my boyfriend who loved me, even now. I couldn't make anyone happy anymore.

I couldn't even keep myself happy anymore.

I could hear little knocks on the wooden door. It was probably Johnny or one of the boys.

Emily would've been pounding her fists against the wood, despite her knowing how I felt.

"Emma?" I sighed.

It was Matt. I hadn't talked to him in a while.

"Matt?" I whispered.

"Yeah, it's me. Can I come in?"

"Please."

The door opened, and Matt walked in.

He was wearing a plain white t-shirt and some jeans. He had a hat on that was turned to the side. He was smiling softly at me.

"Hi, Matt." I said softly. "Hey," he said.

He walked over to the bed, and he sat down next to me.

"I heard about Charles," he said. I nodded.

"I just wanted you to know that he didn't leave because you weren't good enough." I nodded. "Matt, no offense, but you've never had anyone walk out of you," I said.

He sighed deeply.

"You're right. I've always had Val." He said. "But its okay, I like talking to you," I said. He nodded.

"Johnny's always had Emily, Brian's had lots of girls, and Jimmy's juggling girls right now. So all four of us aren't really equipped to talk to you. Zacky's had someone walk out of him though," Matt said.

"Matt, that person was me," I whispered. He nodded.

"So you should know how Charles feels now. I mean, you did love Zacky, when you left him, right?"

I didn't say anything.

What was I suppose to say to that?

"Of course I did," I whispered.

It was true. I did love him. I remembered that say exactly, perfectly. I remembered the heart-wrenching feeling as I walked away from all of them.

It was terrible.

"Then I think it'll be better if he talked to you, then." Matt said, standing up. "No!" I shouted.

Matt only left the room. He was going to get Zacky.

Zacky, the man I walked out on. We were going to talk about how I left him too.

How could awkward could this get?

I finally got up from the bed, and I stretched out my legs. They felt limp, like I haven't walked in days.

The door walked in, and there was Zacky.

He was wearing an AC DC shirt with no sleeves and some ripped jeans. He had one black glove on his left hand, and his black hair was flipped in front of his eyes.

"Hello, Zacky." I said.

I sat back down on the bed, and he just stood there.

"Are you just going to stand there?" I asked. He shook his head.

"Matt told me to come talk to you," he said softly. I nodded.

"Did he tell you why?" I asked. He nodded.

"So we gotta talk about how you left me," he said slowly. I shrugged.

"I rather we didn't talk about it," I whispered. "I think we should. It won't help much, considering you left me for different reasons than Charles." He said.

Zacky sat down next to me. He sighed deeply, before he pushed his hair back, messing it up terribly.

"So what did you do after I left?" I asked. He shook his head.

"I don't think you should do what I did," he said chuckling. "Tell me."

He shook his head.

"I could always go ask the other guys," I reminded him.

He shrugged slightly.

"I slept with numerous girls. Girls who I never saw again. Girls that never meant anything to me. Girls who didn't want anything more from me besides the sex," he said.

I sighed.

I almost wanted to slap him.

He slept with girls, after I left him for cheating on me?

"Now if you wanted to get over Charles by sleeping with numerous girls, I'm not gonna stop you. Hell, I might even help you find some," Zacky joked.

I felt a small smile creep onto my lips.

"I'm okay, Zacky. I'll stick to men, if you don't mind." I said quickly.

He had a smirk on his lips.

"I made you smile. That's the first step, now let's go downstairs. Everyone's worried about you." Zacky said standing up.

I nodded, following his lead.