Love is life and if you miss love, you miss life
Chapter 18
'Friendship often ends in love, but love in friendship- never' Charles Caleb Colton
Brendon’s POV
I had been so surprised to get a phone call from Sass after so long. Just hearing her voice my made my heart hurt. She wanted to see me and I was so happy I flew over to her for a day when we had a break in shows and she had a gig. I knew I was going to Europe next week and that was going to be an awesome trip. We were headlining our own tour and even going to the VMA’s where we were nominated for awards. I knew I had to sort things out before then but whenever I picked up the phone to call her I chickened out so I was ecstatic that she called me.
She greeted me at the airport by throwing her arms around me. I kissed her for the first time in weeks feeling all my lost love surge slowly back. She brought me back to her hotel.
‘I love you Brendon…’ she started but I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her passionately.
‘I’m….sorry,’ she said. ‘For what I said, I didn’t mean it….I was angry.’
‘Me too,’ I said staring at her.
‘But…..there’s something more important I have to tell you,’ she breathed. ‘The reason I invited you here. The chance to start fresh…..a new beginning.’
I smiled at this idea, I liked this idea.
‘Mmm..’ I encouraged her still holding her.
‘Brendon,’ she said. ‘I-I’m pregnant.’
I stopped holding her and I stared at her, not knowing what to say. She was smiling, as if this was good. But….well it changed everything.
‘I-I…’ I stammered. ‘I don’t know what to say.’ I sat down suddenly I felt dizzy.
‘It’s ok, it’s ok,’ she said bending down beside me, taking my hand in hers. ‘We’ll stop this Brendon. All this music business that’s tearing us apart. We’ll go and we’ll start a family.’
I thought about for a second. Sass and I buying a home and settling down. I had wanted that but not yet…..it’s so soon. We’re so young. We were supposed to have our whole lives.
‘Are you asking me to leave Panic! at the Disco?’ I asked.
‘Well yes of course,’ she replied. ‘I’ve thought about it and decided I want this baby and I’m going to raise it. I’m leaving Director. It’s crushed the guys but they understand and I’m sure new guitarist isn’t too hard to find. I’m leaving my life Brendon, for us…for our baby,’ she said taking my hand and putting it on her stomach.
I couldn’t take it in. How was this possible? I snatched my hand back ad stood up.
‘I’m sorry Sass,’ I said making up my mind. ‘I love you so much but I can’t leave Panic! at the Disco. All my life I’ve wanted this and we’re finally getting somewhere Sass. I’m going to Europe and our second album is in the pipeline…..’
She had turned away from me and I knew she was crying.
‘You’ll have the baby and I will be the father but I’ll still be in the band,’ I tried desperately. ‘We’ll make it work…’
‘BUT IT’S NOT WORKING,’ she yelled her face blackened by running mascara. ‘We can’t even work this relationship at the moment, not to mention with a baby!’
I went silent and she breathed in and out, coughing between sobs.
‘I’m leaving my dreams behind for you,’ she said in half a whisper. ‘It’s either me and this baby…..or Panic! at the Disco.’
I stood in silence for a long time.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said and turned for the door. ‘Good luck Sass. I love you.’
I was about to close the door when I heard a little squeak.
‘I slept with Ryan,’ she said still in so much pain.
I turned, my heart full of pain and my body shaking with anger.
‘Is the baby…?’
‘I don’t know…’ she replied.
‘You asked me to quit my life for a baby that mightn’t even be mine?’
‘No,’ she said. ‘I asked you to do it for me.’
‘Goodbye Sass,’ I said and turned down the hallway.
I never looked back.
Brendon’s POV
I had been so surprised to get a phone call from Sass after so long. Just hearing her voice my made my heart hurt. She wanted to see me and I was so happy I flew over to her for a day when we had a break in shows and she had a gig. I knew I was going to Europe next week and that was going to be an awesome trip. We were headlining our own tour and even going to the VMA’s where we were nominated for awards. I knew I had to sort things out before then but whenever I picked up the phone to call her I chickened out so I was ecstatic that she called me.
She greeted me at the airport by throwing her arms around me. I kissed her for the first time in weeks feeling all my lost love surge slowly back. She brought me back to her hotel.
‘I love you Brendon…’ she started but I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her passionately.
‘I’m….sorry,’ she said. ‘For what I said, I didn’t mean it….I was angry.’
‘Me too,’ I said staring at her.
‘But…..there’s something more important I have to tell you,’ she breathed. ‘The reason I invited you here. The chance to start fresh…..a new beginning.’
I smiled at this idea, I liked this idea.
‘Mmm..’ I encouraged her still holding her.
‘Brendon,’ she said. ‘I-I’m pregnant.’
I stopped holding her and I stared at her, not knowing what to say. She was smiling, as if this was good. But….well it changed everything.
‘I-I…’ I stammered. ‘I don’t know what to say.’ I sat down suddenly I felt dizzy.
‘It’s ok, it’s ok,’ she said bending down beside me, taking my hand in hers. ‘We’ll stop this Brendon. All this music business that’s tearing us apart. We’ll go and we’ll start a family.’
I thought about for a second. Sass and I buying a home and settling down. I had wanted that but not yet…..it’s so soon. We’re so young. We were supposed to have our whole lives.
‘Are you asking me to leave Panic! at the Disco?’ I asked.
‘Well yes of course,’ she replied. ‘I’ve thought about it and decided I want this baby and I’m going to raise it. I’m leaving Director. It’s crushed the guys but they understand and I’m sure new guitarist isn’t too hard to find. I’m leaving my life Brendon, for us…for our baby,’ she said taking my hand and putting it on her stomach.
I couldn’t take it in. How was this possible? I snatched my hand back ad stood up.
‘I’m sorry Sass,’ I said making up my mind. ‘I love you so much but I can’t leave Panic! at the Disco. All my life I’ve wanted this and we’re finally getting somewhere Sass. I’m going to Europe and our second album is in the pipeline…..’
She had turned away from me and I knew she was crying.
‘You’ll have the baby and I will be the father but I’ll still be in the band,’ I tried desperately. ‘We’ll make it work…’
‘BUT IT’S NOT WORKING,’ she yelled her face blackened by running mascara. ‘We can’t even work this relationship at the moment, not to mention with a baby!’
I went silent and she breathed in and out, coughing between sobs.
‘I’m leaving my dreams behind for you,’ she said in half a whisper. ‘It’s either me and this baby…..or Panic! at the Disco.’
I stood in silence for a long time.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said and turned for the door. ‘Good luck Sass. I love you.’
I was about to close the door when I heard a little squeak.
‘I slept with Ryan,’ she said still in so much pain.
I turned, my heart full of pain and my body shaking with anger.
‘Is the baby…?’
‘I don’t know…’ she replied.
‘You asked me to quit my life for a baby that mightn’t even be mine?’
‘No,’ she said. ‘I asked you to do it for me.’
‘Goodbye Sass,’ I said and turned down the hallway.
I never looked back.