Always and Forever

Brendon and I had decided that I would go to whichever Ivy League school I got into, I’d do my course in Business Management and then move to California where Brendon would be hopefully making it big as a musician.

Now, all I needed was my acceptance letters.

We were down to the last eight weeks of school, forever. Just saying that gave me chills and put a massive smile on my face because in all honesty, the past two weeks at school had been torture. I always thought that after I had stopped hanging around with the girls that thing would get better, but I was wrong, very wrong.

I think I took the way life used to be for granted. Other students used to line up to carry my books and help me in art (by far my worst subject). I was a person of status where as now, I was the girl who is dating Brendon Urie, the freak because he kidnapped her and threatened to murder her if she refused. I had to give it to the general school public, they were very imaginative.

“Umm, Holly?” Carla yelled out to me from her spot behind the desk at the shop “We just got a massive mail delivery for you.” Immediately my hand fisted into nervous balls and I began to bite the inside of my mouth “Head home and open them” she said handing over a bundle of letters “Good luck.”

The drive home was a blur; nothing was registering in my brain except for Ivy League, Ivy League, red light, Ivy League.
So far I could see a letter from Brown University sitting on the top of the pile, it was an acceptance letter, I was sure.
In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I realised that I was getting myself worked up for no reason. I sat down on my bed and spread the letters out along the bed, there were seven. One from Brown, Cornell, Dartmouth, Harvard, Yale, Georgetown and UCLA. I smiled to myself, I had a university to go to next year, I had an Ivy League school to get into.

I opened up Yale’s letter using the logic of well, I might as well read the acceptance letter of the University I actually want to get into first and began reading through it.
Dear Holly Miller,
Regretfully we must inform you that Yale University cannot accept you for the Fall 2009 semester. We hope you will reapply for admission for a later term and we wish you the best of luck in the future.

I closed my eyes, I had been rejected. I began biting away at the inside of my mouth nerves taking over my body, surely one of the six others had to accept me.

I next opened UCLA’s

Unfortunately, your application to the University of California, Las Angeles has been rejected.

I sighed loudly and swept in from my bed and quickly opened the next letter.

Rejected.

Rejected.

Rejected.

Rejected.

I was down to the final letter, tears of disappointment were already pouring down my cheeks. How did I miss out on six universities, I had practically been assured a spot since last year. I opened up the last letter which was from Dartmouth and read every word as if they were the last things I’d ever read again.

Dear Holly Miller,
Regretfully we must inform you that Dartmouth University cannot accept you for the Fall 2009 semester. We hope you will reapply for admission for a later term and we wish you the best of luck in the future.
Dartmouth University Faculty.

I dropped the final letter, no, I had misread them, I had to have. My heart began to race and I jumped from my bed and began digging around on the floor, picking up all the letters. One of them had to read accepted, accepted rejected, it’s an easy mistake right?

I didn’t make a mistake; I was not accepted into university. I guess my parents were right, Brendon was a distraction. Aaron was a distraction, the group was a distraction, work was a distraction.

I knew I was searching for excuses and I knew it was pointless, there was no one else to blame but myself. Instead of doing extracurricular activities I was out at parties, instead of studying I was out shopping and instead of listening in class my mind was on Brendon. I didn’t deserve to get into university, but I didn’t want to admit it.

For the past year I had been so sure that I was going to get into university that I was prepared to reject the spot I thought I had and now, I was devastated that I had been rejected anyway.

“So you missed out?” Brendon asked over Chinese in his room that night.

I nodded.

“Don’t worry about it” he smiled pecking me on the lips lightly, “you’ll just get a second round offer into Yale and then it’ll all fall into place.”

“Yale doesn’t offer second round, its first round or bust.”

Brendon sighed and kissed me lightly “Everything will be okay, okay?”

I nodded again. Brendon had a way of calming me down and bringing out my vulnerability at the same time.

“I’m gonna put on...Bring it on, I’m just going to throw these out” he said reaching over to grab the now empty Chinese boxes “And then I’ll be back.”

I nodded “But we’ve watched Bring It On a hundred times” I whined

“So you won’t mind watching it again.”

”Because! In cheer leading we throw people into the air and fat people don’t go as high.”

Brendon’s body shook slightly against mine as he laughed at the movie, after the sixth or seventh time watching this movie he still laughed at the exact same points. Usually, I would’ve laughed too, but my mind was elsewhere and focused on other things. Things such as how close he had me pulled to him, I could feel him all over me. Distracted by his breath, cascading down my neck causing my breathing to become erratic and my whole to heat up.

“What’s wrong?” Brendon pulled my body around to face his “You’ve been really quiet.”

My reply was a soft peck on his neck.

“Seriously, what’s going on?”

“Nothing” I answered truthfully.

Much to my gratitude Brendon didn’t ask any more questions, he just lightly like he always did, but I didn’t want tonight to me the same as always, I wanted it to be something more.

“Is your mom home tonight?” I asked pulling away from him briefly.

“No, she’s working in...Arizona I think, why?”

I shook my head “Nothing, no reason.” With that I turned back to watching the movie, my hand resting high on Brendon’s leg.

As the movie progressed my hand travelled further and further up Brendon’s leg massaging and squeezing him every now and again. I knew I was getting to Brendon, his breathing had increased and his body tensed and then relaxed the higher my hand went.

“Fuck” Brendon whispered into my neck “what are you doing to me Holly?”

“Nothing” my voice rose slightly and a pink tinge coloured my cheeks as some last minute doubts drifted into mind. However, they immediately left once Brendon started to kiss my neck, lightly brushing his lips over the soft skin until he reached my sweet spot. Instead of pressing his lips softly, he lightly nipped it. I didn’t recognise the sound that came from me, somewhere between a moan and a scream; it was hard to believe that something so little could feel so great.

My hand which was resting quite high on Brendon thigh gripped him immediately and I felt his whole body tense up.

I turned to face him, immediately capturing his lips with mine. We didn’t bother with soft, petite, small kisses, immediately there was passion, urgency and lust between us. I climbed on top of Brendon running my hands under his top. His hands were gripping tightly onto my hips and he pulled me urgently underneath him.

I began to feel him though his jeans, he was already hard the more pressure I applied the more he began to moan and grunt making me want him even more. Brendon’s hands had made their way up my top as I began to pull his pants off. He slid them off with ease while I took off his t-shirt leaving him in only his thin boxers.

“You’re wearing too much” Brendon smiled.

“Oh, sorry” I said quietly and I bought shaking my hands to the hem of my top. Brendon cupped my face in his hands kissing me passionately making me forget that my top was still on. He then trailed small pecks down my neck causing my eyes to flutter closed, enjoying how amazing he felt.

I jumped slightly when the cold air hit my stomach as I let Brendon remove my top. All previous fears and doubts had now left my mind but that didn’t stop the nerves from entering it.

Is it going to hurt?

What if I’m horrible?

What if Brendon’s disgusted by how horrible I looked without any clothes on?

I tried as best as I could to push those thought out of my head and focus on what I was about to do.

I reached my hand down Brendon’s boxers, running my hand down his lenegh. He let out another throaty moan and rubbed himself roughly against my hand. Brendon then proceeded to hastily remove my jeans from my body and lightly kissed every bare piece of skin he could find. Well, it started off with kisses but as I continued to jerk and twist my wrist his kissed became harder, more fierce and he almost bit me a few times.

“You defiantly sure you want to do this” Brendon asked breathlessly the room now hot and stuffy the air clinging to our already sweating bodies.

I nodded “Yeah...have you done this before?” I asked shyly

“Uhh yeah.”

I nodded again; well at least one of us knows why they’re doing. Brendon was looking at me nervously, biting on his lip lightly “You’re amazing, you know that don’t you.”

I didn’t know what to say, I was expecting him to just get on with it instead of now, deciding to get all deep.

“You’re grea-”

“And you know I love you”

I nodded now feeling confused “Yeah, I love you too.”

“And you know I’d never do anything to purp-”

“You don’t want to do this do you?” I said quietly.

“No I do, really, trust me, I really do” he said quickly “It’s just that it might hurt a-and I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m fine Bren” I told him leaning up to kiss him.

Brendon forced me down onto the bed, meeting his lips with mine sensually, his body pressed hard against mine, his hands all over me. I ran my hands through his hair pulling on it slightly. I jumped slightly when I felt Brendon claw my bra away and kneed my breast softly making shivers extend to every tip of my body.
I continued to rub Brendon until he suddenly jumped of me and began searching though his draws “Got one” he said quietly and ripped it open.

One last bout of nerves hit my body, I tensed up and my breathing increased. I wanted this to happen, I knew I did but that didn’t stop my body from shaking as I waited for Brendon to put the rubber on.
My shaking however stoped once Brendon began to peck the inside of my neck and then slid off my underwear.

Brendon’s hand slid up my leg, higher and further than anyone had ever gone before, his finger flicked and rubbed me, making me moan so loudly I hoped the neighbours wouldn’t hear.

“Okay” Brendon whispered huskily “You ready?”

I nodded and immediately felt like I was being torn apart as Brendon entered me. I bit down on my lip to stop myself from crying out loud.

“Ahh, Bren” I cried as he began to go further in.

“Shh” he half whispered half moaned as I tensed up in pain around him “It’ll get better.”

“It’s not” I cried again.

Brendon kissed me softly on the lips “Just trust me okay?”