I'm Not Okay Without You
She Wont Know The Truth!
Chapter 20
Frank’s P.O.V.
After a while I told Ally I was leaving and if she wanted a ride from me she better get her junk and come. She nodded and followed me out. Once in the car, she began chattering about something I had no interest whatsoever in. I just glared at the rode as I drove.
“…So I said, ‘You’re such a fucking liar,’ and she’s like—Frank, are you even listening?”
“What?” I asked, coming out of a daze in which I had been thinking about when Gerard and I had been together.
“I knew you weren’t listening. So what’s so important you can’t listen to what I have to say?” she snapped, obviously put out.
“I was just thinking, Ally. Look, I’m really tired. Can we discuss this later? Like, tomorrow?” The car slowed as we pulled up in front of her house. She sighed heavily.
“You know you can tell me anything, right? I mean, what’s a relationship without trust? And… I think I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“What? Um… Ally… I think we need to talk about this.”
“You’re right, we do.”
“But now is not the time. I’m really tired and I don’t think I’d be able to concentrate on what you’re saying. So can we please, please talk about it tomorrow?” I was trying my best to be sincere, but it was kind of hard because it felt like I should be showing more concern for her emotions than I was.
“Fine,” she muttered, getting out of the car and slamming the door. As she walked up her driveway I sighed. So, she wanted to be ‘together forever,’ eh? Well, honey, that’s not going to happen any time soon.
___________
After what seemed like hours, I finally got home. I practically sprinted inside to my bed. I crashed on it and lay thinking for a moment.
‘What if Ally figures out I don’t really like her that much anymore?’
‘She couldn’t. I mean, she’s not really the brightest girl in the world.’
‘But what if she does? It’s possible, isn’t it? She could totally screw up any chance I have of being with Gerard again.’
‘Nah, you’re worrying too much. Just play it cool. She doesn’t have the power to fuck something up that bad.’
After a while of back-and-forth chatter with myself in my head, I fell asleep.
__________
I groggily began opening my eyes, immediately shutting them again when the sun filtered in. ‘The sun’s too bright,’ I thought. Yawning, I got out of bed and made my way to the kitchen. I drummed my fingers on the counter as I waited for my coffee maker to finish its job. When it finally did, I began pouring my cup. It became quite obvious that I was too tired to be dealing with hot liquid, because I over-flowed the cup. The hot coffee spilled over the top and onto my hand.
“GOD DAMN IT!” I screamed, letting go of the cup. It fell to the floor, shattering immediately.
“Fuck it all to hell,” I said, aggravatedly running a hand through my hair as I looked at the shattered mug. That pissed me off. First, I find out Gerard has a friend that’s a girl, next thing, the girl is his girlfriend, then Ally seems to want to get married, and now I shatter a fucking mug. Well, that’s just fucking perfect, then, isn’t it? I groaned, slowly beginning to realize the glass was in front of the sink. ‘Bitch,’ I thought, glaring at the mug pieces. I began to clean it up, getting on my hands and knees and scooping it into a little pile. One of the little pieces seemed to want to stay in my hand. I pulled it away, sliding it along the skin and creating a nice little cut in true Frank fashion. ‘Way to go, dumb ass,’ I thought, dropping the piece of mug into the pile. I walked out of the kitchen and to the bathroom, deciding I didn’t want to rinse my hand in the kitchen because the water always had a tendency to be scolding hot in there. I began running my hand under cold water. When I caught sight of my reflection, I growled. I was sick of myself; what more can I say?
Ding, dong. ‘Who could that possibly be?’
Upon stepping out of the bathroom, I realized my place was a complete wreck. I vaguely remembered throwing a temper tantrum and trashing it the first time I met Seidee. ‘Shit…’ I opened the door to find Gerard standing on the porch. To say the least, I was surprised and… hopeful.
“Hi, Gerard,” I said, stepping out onto the porch and shutting the door.
“Hi, Frank. I wanted to talk to you about—Oh my God, your hand’s bleeding,” he said, concern apparent in his eyes. I practically melted.
“Huh? Oh, um, it’s nothing, really,” I said, putting my hand behind my back.
He seemed satisfied enough with my answer, and proceeded to ask, “Frank, do you hate me?” I started a bit.
“No, Gerard, I don’t hate you,” I said, and mumbled, “I still love you.”
“What?” he asked, obviously not catching the last part.
“Oh, nothing. Why did you ask?” I asked, changing the subject as quickly as possible.
“Um…” he stuttered, seeming to be having a mini-war with himself. “No reason. Can I come in?” He asked.
“Uh…” now it was my turn to stutter. The place was totally trashed. What if he got the wrong impression or something? I didn’t want him to think I was a total slob. “Sure…”
Frank’s P.O.V.
After a while I told Ally I was leaving and if she wanted a ride from me she better get her junk and come. She nodded and followed me out. Once in the car, she began chattering about something I had no interest whatsoever in. I just glared at the rode as I drove.
“…So I said, ‘You’re such a fucking liar,’ and she’s like—Frank, are you even listening?”
“What?” I asked, coming out of a daze in which I had been thinking about when Gerard and I had been together.
“I knew you weren’t listening. So what’s so important you can’t listen to what I have to say?” she snapped, obviously put out.
“I was just thinking, Ally. Look, I’m really tired. Can we discuss this later? Like, tomorrow?” The car slowed as we pulled up in front of her house. She sighed heavily.
“You know you can tell me anything, right? I mean, what’s a relationship without trust? And… I think I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“What? Um… Ally… I think we need to talk about this.”
“You’re right, we do.”
“But now is not the time. I’m really tired and I don’t think I’d be able to concentrate on what you’re saying. So can we please, please talk about it tomorrow?” I was trying my best to be sincere, but it was kind of hard because it felt like I should be showing more concern for her emotions than I was.
“Fine,” she muttered, getting out of the car and slamming the door. As she walked up her driveway I sighed. So, she wanted to be ‘together forever,’ eh? Well, honey, that’s not going to happen any time soon.
___________
After what seemed like hours, I finally got home. I practically sprinted inside to my bed. I crashed on it and lay thinking for a moment.
‘What if Ally figures out I don’t really like her that much anymore?’
‘She couldn’t. I mean, she’s not really the brightest girl in the world.’
‘But what if she does? It’s possible, isn’t it? She could totally screw up any chance I have of being with Gerard again.’
‘Nah, you’re worrying too much. Just play it cool. She doesn’t have the power to fuck something up that bad.’
After a while of back-and-forth chatter with myself in my head, I fell asleep.
__________
I groggily began opening my eyes, immediately shutting them again when the sun filtered in. ‘The sun’s too bright,’ I thought. Yawning, I got out of bed and made my way to the kitchen. I drummed my fingers on the counter as I waited for my coffee maker to finish its job. When it finally did, I began pouring my cup. It became quite obvious that I was too tired to be dealing with hot liquid, because I over-flowed the cup. The hot coffee spilled over the top and onto my hand.
“GOD DAMN IT!” I screamed, letting go of the cup. It fell to the floor, shattering immediately.
“Fuck it all to hell,” I said, aggravatedly running a hand through my hair as I looked at the shattered mug. That pissed me off. First, I find out Gerard has a friend that’s a girl, next thing, the girl is his girlfriend, then Ally seems to want to get married, and now I shatter a fucking mug. Well, that’s just fucking perfect, then, isn’t it? I groaned, slowly beginning to realize the glass was in front of the sink. ‘Bitch,’ I thought, glaring at the mug pieces. I began to clean it up, getting on my hands and knees and scooping it into a little pile. One of the little pieces seemed to want to stay in my hand. I pulled it away, sliding it along the skin and creating a nice little cut in true Frank fashion. ‘Way to go, dumb ass,’ I thought, dropping the piece of mug into the pile. I walked out of the kitchen and to the bathroom, deciding I didn’t want to rinse my hand in the kitchen because the water always had a tendency to be scolding hot in there. I began running my hand under cold water. When I caught sight of my reflection, I growled. I was sick of myself; what more can I say?
Ding, dong. ‘Who could that possibly be?’
Upon stepping out of the bathroom, I realized my place was a complete wreck. I vaguely remembered throwing a temper tantrum and trashing it the first time I met Seidee. ‘Shit…’ I opened the door to find Gerard standing on the porch. To say the least, I was surprised and… hopeful.
“Hi, Gerard,” I said, stepping out onto the porch and shutting the door.
“Hi, Frank. I wanted to talk to you about—Oh my God, your hand’s bleeding,” he said, concern apparent in his eyes. I practically melted.
“Huh? Oh, um, it’s nothing, really,” I said, putting my hand behind my back.
He seemed satisfied enough with my answer, and proceeded to ask, “Frank, do you hate me?” I started a bit.
“No, Gerard, I don’t hate you,” I said, and mumbled, “I still love you.”
“What?” he asked, obviously not catching the last part.
“Oh, nothing. Why did you ask?” I asked, changing the subject as quickly as possible.
“Um…” he stuttered, seeming to be having a mini-war with himself. “No reason. Can I come in?” He asked.
“Uh…” now it was my turn to stutter. The place was totally trashed. What if he got the wrong impression or something? I didn’t want him to think I was a total slob. “Sure…”