I'm Not Okay Without You

Chapter 30
Frank’s POV

We decided to go to I-Hop for breakfast… ‘cause I-Hop’s pimp. Gerard was smiling the whole car ride, which made me happy. I was practically bouncing in my seat, back to my usual hyper self. When we finally got inside and got a table, Gerard and I ordered coffee. Before our food got there, Gerard had downed four or five cups. Well someone’s going to be bouncing off the walls with me.
“Frank?” Gerard asked, voice soft and smile suddenly gone.
“Yeah Gee?” I replied, playing an air-guitar under the table.
“Would you ever leave me because I lied to you about drugs?” he asked, even more quietly, if that was possible.
“No I wouldn’t,” I said slowly. “I would be mad that you lied about it, though.”
“Okay,” Gerard continued, taking a breath. “Well, Frank, just so you know… last night I bout more drugs—“
“Gerard Arthur Way—“ I interrupted.
“No, wait,” he pleaded, not wanting me to go off on him again. “Last night I bought more drugs but this morning I flushed them down the toilet.” So that’s what he had been doing… I knew I didn’t smell that bad! “I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” he said softly, staring into his cup of coffee as if entranced. I waited patiently for him to look back at me, but he didn’t. His head was down and his eyes refused to leave the brown liquid in his cup. After a moment, I decided to make the first move, knowing Gerard wouldn’t. Slowly, I got up and moved around the table, sitting on the cushioned bench next to Gee. He looked up slightly, glancing at where I had been sitting. Gently, I put my hand on his cheek and turned his head until he was facing me.
“I’m so proud of you, baby,” I whispered, leaning in and pulling his face toward mine slightly, forcing our lips to collide. My tongue found its way to his lower lip, sliding along it slowly. Gerard responded by opening his mouth, allowing me access to his mouth. We let our tongues dance together until we heard a slightly disgusted noise along with the soft ‘chink’ of a plate being set on the table. Slightly regretful we couldn’t continue, I pulled away and moved back to my place on the opposite side of Gerard. To be honest, I felt happier than I had in a long time. This seemed so right, like it was meant to be and nothing could stop it.
Being back to my old goofy self, I decided to look for something to make Gerard laugh. I mean… he seemed happy, but it also seemed like the happiness wasn’t quite reaching his eyes. Also, I wanted to hear him laugh. His laugh was probably the happiest sound in the universe. When he looked out the window, I grabbed the straws that were on the table and put them in my nose. Absent-mindedly, Gerard took a sip of his coffee just before he looked back at me.
“Look, I’m a walrus,” I said, grinning. Gerard laughed, still with a mouthful of coffee, and ended up spraying the table with what had been in his mouth. I think some of it went out his nose… As soon as the waiters began to notice the mess, I took the straws out of my nose and acted the part of an angel that could do no wrong.
Though we hadn’t really touched our food, we decided to just pay and leave. Right when we got out the door Gerard grabbed my hand and pulled me close. I wanted to grin and kiss him, or be playful, or make some kind of public display, but Gerard kept looking around with fear in his eyes, so I didn’t.
“We need to go to my house,” I said, breaking a silence that had been too long for my comfort [which is about three seconds… unless I’m sleeping].
“Why?” Gerard asked, looking at me in what seemed like ages [50 seconds].
“I want to get some clothes.”
“Oh. Alright.” When we got to my house I immediately ran upstairs. Gerard lagged behind [I don’t know why] while I grabbed my bag and began piling clothes into it. Suddenly Gerard burst though the door.
“Frank, we have to get out of here. Now,” he said, fear tingeing his eyes.
“Why?” I asked, glancing up.
“There’s a fire,” he replied.
“How’d it happen?” I asked, grabbing stuff that was important to me now.
“I knocked something over and I guess a spark started or something and boom.”
“Okay, let’s go,” I replied, grabbing my bag and running toward the front door. Gerard was behind me, but I thought he could get out. Oh how wrong I was. When I got out the door I turned around to make sure Gerard was behind me. He was at the top of the steps when there was a loud “boom” and the stair-case lit fire. Gee ran back up the stairs few stairs he’d made it down and out of sight.
“Gerard!” I screamed as the flames rose so I couldn’t see where he had been standing. “Gerard!!!” He obviously didn’t answer.
I ran around the house, trying to get to a point where I could see into the second story and find him, but there was nowhere. Finally, defeated and broken, I dropped to the curb and began to cry into my hands. There was another loud “boom” and smoke began billowing out of the second story windows.
“Frank,” I heard someone say. I jumped and turned around.
“Gerard,” I whispered hoarsely, standing up and running over to him. I wrapped my arms around him, clutching desperately at his jacket.
“I thought I was going to lose you,” I whispered into his chest, tears streaming down my cheeks.
“I was stuck,” he informed me, “but I got out. Let’s go to my house, Frank,” he said, beginning to walk toward his car.
I asked him questions in the car about how it started. At first it seemed like he was telling the truth, but then he kept changing his story little by little. When I confronted him about it he just said it was scary and he couldn’t think straight. But… he was saying “uh” almost every other word.
After a few minutes of driving we arrived at his house and ran inside. Gerard ran about the house, locking doors and windows. Vaguely I wondered why he was so worried about locking the house, but I didn’t ask.
When he finally came back into the same room I stood up and hugged him tightly, beginning to cry again. God, how emo had I become? But, to be honest, I never wanted to let go. After all, I had almost lost him. Now I just wanted him to myself. No one else could have him. No one.