Let's Get Reckless.

I could say that since Joe was done with Camilla, that we were perfect again. But then, I’d be lying. We had one problem left. Margaret.

I know you might think it’s as easy as ‘Oh Margaret, I love Joe. So he’s my boyfriend now, great right?’. Yeah, right. Over this time, somehow Margaret has grown to dislike Joe in a way. I really don’t get it, but she’s just not a fan of any Jonas right now.

Out of everything that I’ve changed in these past months, my relationship with my manager has, if not changed, gotten worse. She’s disapproving and more business like. I wish I could say I’m brave enough to take a stand, but that’s not the case.

I’ve already has this conversation with Joe. Margaret has been my rock since day one. She’s the reason I’m even a success like I am. I owe her a lot. And for other people it’s hard to see. But that’s what I see in Margaret when I think hard: my mentor.

Now that the movie was done, I was surprised I was free for a while. Sure, there were over the phone interviews, parties, and recording sessions scattered here and there, but nothing major. Now when the new season of my show started, I’d be busy. But for now, I was more than thankful that Joe’s schedule worked with mine.

For the last week he was out in Connecticut doing some shows and other things for charity. So all this week I’ve been at it like crazy, writing songs and trying to fine tune my guitar skills.

I called Mickey, my producer for the album, everyday. Margaret was my strict, business like figure, but Mickey was the best. Like…like the dad I never had. I considered myself lucky. Instead of sitting and moping like I would have without Joe, I played disco music while chowing down on junk food, pretending we were actually using the studio for something productive.

But today, today was different! Why? Well because Joe was coming home today! He’d text me when he’d got home so I could come over, but I’ve been ready since 7:20 this morning. And uh, it’s around 2:50. That’s really not good for my self control. Joe isn’t good for my self control. But when he’s perfect for everything else in me, why would control matter? I mean, he ismine.

“He said he’d text you, Baby.” My mom chuckled, coming downstairs with her leftover lunch. She looked at me while I sat on the counter, tapping my nails constantly against the stove and glancing at the clock. I had a huge wad of gum in my mouth to try for more occupation. The television was also on ad all this wasn’t working.

“I know, but it’s been a week, Mom. Seriously, three weeks ago our rooms were next door to each other.”

“I know, Honey. But that movie was luck. Not everyone gets to work on movies with their boyfriends. Isn’t that why Nick isn’t with Miley anymore?” She asked me. I smiled, thinking about when Nick told me about them. He called me a ‘freaky little fan girl’ for being interested. But c’mon, Nick had had a whole two year relationship at fourteen while I hadn’t had one before Joe. I wanted to know, and by the end I was sad. And after that I read Miley’s book and literally cried. Let’s not talk about my girly obsessions anymore, though.

“Yeah. They’re like never in the same place.” I laughed.

“Yeah and if you and Joe stay together, you’re schedules won’t be as easy as they are now. You’re about to get started on an album, you have a show to go on with, you’re switching your networks, and that’s not mentioning all your other projects. Today it’s a week, but what about six months from now? Or next year when you guys are both touring?”

I..I was shocked. I’d never thought that far. Even when I did think of the future, it was the faraway dreamy type where me and Joe are growing old together or us being the best Hollywood couple in history. When I think about Joe I’ve always thought about just us. And if I did think about problems, they were all present time. Like Margaret or Camilla and things. But this new idea my mom opened me up to, this is a long term problem. It affects our present and our future. I sat quietly as I thought about my near future. Next year, give or take, I could be traveling the country, promoting my album. Joe, he could be all over the world, singing to sold out crowds and getting even more booked than he had time for. Could I do that?

Were me and Joe strong enough to last?

I didn’t really notice my mom leave the kitchen as I pulled my knees to my chest and rocked myself, thinking, thinking, thinking.

&Reckless

“Reina!” I heard someone call, happily. My mind really wasn’t working right because I didn’t register it. I heard it, but nothing in me reacted. By now I was wrapped up in a blanket, laying balled up on my perfectly made bed. I stared out my open balcony doors, paying nothing any of my attention. My mind was racing with a speed of its own with the same thing for hours. I noted how the sky was turning pink from the sunset, which probably meant it was seven or so.

I couldn’t stop thinking about my mom’s words. It made me realize that my life just might not be as perfect as I was dreaming. That I’d have to go a day without even being able to speak to Joe. Not knowing the next time I’d kiss or hug him while he was away doing shows for thousands of girls screaming only his name out of all the other ones who come for his brothers. That thought was a whole concept on it’s own. Joe saw girls who wanted nothing more than his love everyday. Girls who’d drop their life just to follow him where his career took him. So what happens when I’m not there and someone better comes along? What happens to me? What happens to us?

“Babygirl...” I felt a cool hand touch to my face and I jumped a little, looking to the person who was touching me. Joe’s warm eyes looked at me, concern and worry clear in their gaze. It was as if seeing his face was the last straw. I broke into pitiful sobs.

Quickly, almost scared and desparate, Joe pulled me into his arms like a child. I tried to sop myself then, I really did because I felt stupid for acting like this. It took most likely fifteen minutes for me to subside to blinking away the moisture in my eyes and to breath in softly and absentmindedly. Joe didn’t ask me anything. He simply sat leaning against my headboard, me curled in his lap while he soothed me.

It was another three minutes before I said something. “Joe…do you…do you ever think about us?”

“It’s constantly on my mind, Reina.” He said like it was obvious. But that wasn’t what I meant.

“No, like. Have you ever let the thought of us not being able to be together cross you’re mind?” I asked, turning and looking at his face.

“I don’t want to think about that, Jamie.” He said, not using the usual ‘Reina’. That told me I’d troubled him. But I couldn’t just get on with that. It wasn’t enough.

“But, you can’t act like it’s not a possibili-“

“Jamie if I love you, what other possibility for us is there?” He cut me off, an edge to his voice. “Love is love and that’s enough for me.”

“Joe you say that now, but what about later on, huh? When you go do your world tour and I’m continuing to make my name? When we barely talk, let alone see each other for times longer than just a few days. When you see someone who peaks your interest and I’m just a second thought.” I said the last part lower.

“You see, right there. I’m willing to go through that. I’m willing to turn everyone away to save myself for you. Being away I’d only grow to love you more.” He told me. “Why are you even thinking like this, Reina?” He asked, face furrowed.

“I just don’t want to be blindsighted by something serious, Joe. And to be honest, if life gets the best of me, I’m not sure if I could do it. I don’t think I could handle that. Honestly, I’m not that strong.”

“But I’ll always be there for you, Reina.” He said desperately, grabbing my hands

“No, you won’t. You say that, but you’ll be millions of miles away, doing your job. Joe.”

“It doesn’t mean I won’t try to be there for you.” He argued.

“Joe, it’s not that easy.” I said and it was like my words triggered something in him. He narrowed his eyes and released my hands. “Are you trying to push me away, Reina?”

“What?! No.” I tried, wanting to cry again. But he wasn’t having it.

“God, I’m trying to give you a solution and a relief for every problem you’re throwing here, but it seems like you’re against it. Like you don’t want to believe in me! In us!” He got off of the bed and was standing in front of me as I choked on words. The only thing coming out was either ‘Joe’ or ‘No it’s not that’ before he cut me off everytime.

“Whatever, Jamie. I think you need this time to think about what you’re doing.” Then his voice got lower, sadder. “Maybe you already decided.” I softly sobbed as he shook his head. “Call me when you figure out how to actually break up with me for real.” And then he was gone.