Let's Get Reckless.

Saying I felt stupid wasn’t enough. Thinking I said the wrongs things didn’t make a difference. Not when I haven’t called Joe for seven days since the incident.

And what have I been doing in these past seven days? Sleeping, crying, eating, and staring at my wall. I kept my shades drawn and my balcony locked. And sadly, I’d found myself resorting to my old ways. When Rosa came up to bring food, I’d snap at her about any thing I could find, and if there was no problem I’d come up with one just from imagine. I was unhappy, and that meant everyone in my house would sure as hell be feeling it.

To be honest, it wasn’t fair. My chance to see Joe after a while is ruined by a stupid fight. I barely made it that week, and now I’m without him again because I questioned our future. It’s not like I was saying I didn’t love him or I was over him, because that was far from the truth. I’m sure I’ve never wanted him more than I crave him now. I yearned for at least the simplest touch. Surely, I’d trade my freaking house just to hug him. I had it bad.

I let something as dumb as my worry escalade into us being separated. He actually thought that I wanted to break up with him. If anything, I wanted to grow with Joe. It was just a big, dumb misunderstanding.

I was sprawled across my bed, thinking, when my mom came in. I didn’t bother to look at her. When my eyes started to burn, I blinked and continued to watch my ceiling like I was expecting it to do something spectacular.

When I felt sunlight and heard the sherrrmpp of the blinds I knew she had opened my windows. I felt a breeze and knew my balcony was now open as well.

“Jamie, you can’t possibly stay in here like this. It’s unhealthy.” She said.

“So is smoking but half of America does it. Staying in my room sounds pretty safe to me when you compare the two.” I mumbled as a response.

“Don’t get smart with me Jamie Madden.” She said seriously and I sighed. I didn’t need this. I wanted to continue what I’ve been doing since I opened my big mouth and ruined my relationship. My first real relation because of being a bitch. Couldn’t she allow me my own self pity? Seriously, it didn’t seem like to much to ask.

“Well I don’t exactly want to talk right now, Mom.”

“But Sweetie you’re being way too dramatic about this.”

Okay, no she was pissing me off. Too dramatic? I basically pushed me boyfriend into thinking I wanted to break up because of something she planted into my head!

…Wait a minute…

“You know it’s all your fault this happened anyway!” I sat up, tears in my eyes and anger in my voice. “If you would’ve never convinced me into thinking that we couldn’t last together. You put doubt in my relationship and thanks to you it’s a mess!”

“What? That’s crazy!”

“No! If you would’ve just been happy for me, me and Joe wouldn’t be like this. I wouldn’t have to sit up in my room sulking and you wouldn’t be bothering me about something you helped ruin.” I threw the glass tray that my lunch came on earlier today to the ground.

“Cut it out Jamie!” She was screaming, I was screaming back refusing until it was just too much and I ran out of my room and down the stairs crying. I stumbled a bit and settled for a hasty speed walk out the door with my mother calling me name and cursing.

I didn’t have anywhere to go and I wasn’t planning on knowing. I just walked, barefoot and probably looking crazy. I didn’t really care to think about how I looked. But as I examined myself now I still couldn’t bring myself to care too much about my off the shoulder sweater showing my lime green bra straps or my destroyed skinny jeans. My hair was tousled so I tied the top half up and out of my face.

Once I was a few blocks from my house I actually let myself stop to breath in a clearing. I sat on a tree stomp and put my head between my legs to try and calm myself.

I could only wonder if this is what being a teenager was like. Fighting with your parents, running away, and crying over a lover.

Is this really what I had wanted? I thought about that. And I thought about Joe.

Joe, that’s what I wanted.

[&&]

I felt completely uncomfortable on the doorstep of the Jonas house. I probably resembled a complete basket case. I was barefoot for Christ sakes. But… I needed Joe so bad right now.

With a staggered breath, I pressed the doorbell, hearing it echo from inside the house.

“God, Jay what the hell happened to you?” Nick asked with wide eyes. Did I really look that bad? On the way here I had the worst possible luck.

“Where’s Joe?” I sniffled.

“He---You--- Joe!” Nick called into the house. He grabbed my arm and pulled me into the house and away from the cold the night had brought along with it. It didn’t help that I was sort of wet from someone’s powerful sprinklers.

If I wasn’t so happy to see Joe I would’ve been embarrassed.

“Reina? Oh my God, Reina what happened to you?” He immediately rushed toward me, bringing us into a tight embrace. I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly and sobbed.

“Joe I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it, I swear. I really love you and I know I can forever. As long as you’ll let me I’ll be here. I’m sorry!” My words were fast and frantic, altered by my sobs.

“Are you seriously apologizing to me right now?” He chuckled. “Baby girl, you walked all the way to my house barefoot and freezing just to tell me that?” His eyes looked so loving and serene.

“I needed you. And I needed to make it clear that I don’t want anything without you.”

“I love you, Reina.” He held my head between his hands and kissed my lips gently. This….this is what I wanted. I’d go through it all for moments like these.