Always There

Returning home was a sullen experience for the East Bay punk rocker. As soon as he entered his wife's awaiting arms, his guilt took on a new level. He knew he would have to break the news to Adrienne about him and Maria, but he was so conflicted about what to say and how Adrienne would react. He assumed there would be screaming and cursing on her part. She'd probably kick him out and threaten him with divorce and taking full custody of the boys. Mike and Tre would probably kick his ass as well. Billie Joe had been their marital role model for almost twelve years at this point. The two of them had two failed marriages each under their belts. Billie Joe was the one who was still on his first.

Walking into his home, he became slightly withdrawn. Every time he went to say something to Adrienne or the boys he felt the guilt was seeping from every pore in a way that they could read it on it face.

CHEATER. ADULTERER. ASSHOLE. FAILURE. BASTARD. BETRAYER. LIAR. DIPSHIT.

The first few days home, Billie Joe seemed to avoid any in-depth conversation with his wife, which probably wasn't the best choice of action, seeing as it peeked Adrienne's curiosity even more about what was up with her husband. And no matter how many times in those first few days she tried to get him to open up, he just wouldn't give in. Not yet, he couldn't. He still had to go over in his head how he'd break the news to her. To his boys. To his friends and family.

And, of all people to finally convince him to be a man and face up to his responsibilities, Olivia's arrival to California for Easter break about a week and some changed later, brought everything to a head for the green eyed guitarist.

He'd gone and picked her up from the airport, because she had flown by herself this time, on her insistence. As soon as they were driving in his white, Ford Fairlane back to his home, his daughter turned to him.

"Dad?"

"Yeah, Liv?"

"I know about you and mom," she came right out and admitted.

Billie Joe turned his head to her abruptly while still trying to manage keeping the car on the road. A quick feeling of panic shot up his spine and his hands instantly felt clammy on the steering wheel.

"Wh-what? You know about what?"

"That you're together. And that mom's gonna have another baby," Olivia told him with a deadpan expression. He had no clue how to respond to that, and was actually thankful when she spoke back up again. "I'm not stupid. When mom asked me to check the last date she circled in red on February's calendar, I knew. I took a sex education course in school last year and we learned about periods. And I know mom missed her last one because she hasn't circled any more dates on the calendar, and she's been throwing up."

Billie Joe looked at Olivia really briefly before trying to focus more so on the road, but that didn't seem to deter Olivia from continuing.

"She's pregnant, and I know you're the dad because I heard you talking that night you showed up. I heard you swearing and I heard you tell each other 'I love you.'" She looked at her father's grim profile. His had slight, dark rings around his eyes and about two-days worth of stubble. His disheveled hair wasn't anything new, but the fact that he looked tired and weird was indication enough to the twelve-year-old that her father was wrestling with some inner demons. "Did you mean it?"

"Did I mean what?" he asked, his voice wavering as he turned down a side street.

"That you love my mom."

He didn't respond right away. But after a short sigh, he nodded. "Yeah. I did."

"Love her like a friend?" she pestered. She wanted to hear the truth from the horse's mouth. "Or like a girlfriend?"

"Can we talk about this later, Olivia?"

"No," she told him adamantly.

God damnit. As much as she looked just like his little - and very female - twin, her personality was all her mother's. Stubborn as all fucking hell while maintaining a gentle approach.

"Yes, okay," he growled. "I love your mother like I love my wife. Are you happy?" he snapped at her, but instantly regretted it when he saw Olivia sink back into the passenger's seat. Sighing, he pulled the car over to the side of the road and put it in park, throwing his right arm over the back of Olivia's seat and turning in his to look at her with apologetic eyes. "I'm sorry. I...I didn't mean to snap at you like that."

Olivia bowed her head to her chest; her fingers fiddling nervously. In the six months she'd known him to be her father, this was the first time he'd snapped at her like a father. It wasn't scary like Mitch would snap, but it wasn't pleasant either.

Billie Joe noticed how she made no movement to acknowledge his apology and he frowned. "Olivia...I'm sorry. I'm just a little scared about what's gonna happen. About how I'm gonna break the news to Adrienne and your brothers. I don't want them to hate me, but I know it's gonna happen. I guess I just wanna prolong the inevitable and I know that if I don't say anything soon, it's gonna be worse the longer I hold off for."

"So, tell them already," Olivia mumbled.

"Easier said than done, hon. I didn't want to say anything during the holiday because I don't want to ruin it for you or the others. I don't want you to be there for the...well, when the cat's let out of the bag. I've no doubt there will be a lot of yelling and other nasty words exchanged between Adrienne and me, and you really don't need to hear that. The boys don't need to hear it, either."

"Then when're you gonna do it?"

"After you go home," Billie Joe answered. "On a day when the boys are back in school and it's just Adrienne and me at home."

Both were silent for a moment until Olivia finally looked back up at her dad.

"What happens then?" she wondered. "If Adrienne throws you out like my mom threw out Mitch, are you gonna go to my mom and be with her? Would you marry my mom?"

"I don't know that I wanna leave Adrienne, Livvie. I still love her with all my heart. She's my wife and the mother of my sons. We've been together so long..."

"But what if she wants a divorce?"

"I dunno," he replied honestly. "If it came to that...I wouldn't marry your mother simply because my marriage with Adrienne might end. God knows I love your mother with all the life I have in me, but I can't throw away what I already have. I can't go right into a marriage with your mom...unless it's what she'd want as well. And she and Mitch might work things out still. I can't say what'll happen. There's too many things to factor in."

"I hope she doesn't work it out with Mitch. I've been so much happier with him gone."

"Olivia, I know you don't like him, but you do have to think about your mom. Maybe she still wants him. She's told me she still loves him. Yes, he's cheated on her, but she can't hold that over him anymore because her and I are guilty of the same thing. What we've done..." he sighed. "What we've done isn't right."

"But you love each other!" Olivia practically pleaded. "And you're gonna have a baby together! Don't do this again! Don't leave my mom again...please..."

Her bottom lip and chin both quivered as tears brimmed her eyes. Billie Joe's heart couldn't have gotten any more constricted then at that moment. He wanted to cry with her. Or at least be on the verge of crying like Olivia, but that action wasn't coming for him.

"Olivia..." he began, but the sound in his voice wasn't what she wanted to hear.

Jerking away from him when he went to touch her arm, she unbuckled her seatbelt and opened the car door, jumping out before he could even register what she was doing. When it finally hit him, he cursed under his breath and undid his seatbelt and hopped out as well.

"Olivia!" He called after her as she broke into a fast walk down the sidewalk. Billie Joe ran around the front of his car and stepped onto the sidewalk and caught up to her, grabbing her by the shoulder to turn her around. "Don't you dare just jump out of the car like that!" he scolded.

She jerked away again and scowled at him, mirroring the look he was giving her. "I'll do it if I want. In the end I'm just gonna get screwed over anyway!" she shouted at him to his face.

"Don't you shout at me like some stranger who's trying to kidnap you, damnit. I'm your father!"

"But you are still a stranger to me!" she shot back. "I don't really know you and you don't really know me!"

"That's not my fault! If I had known about you from the get-go I would've been there all the way with your mother! I would've wanted to be there!"

"Yeah, right. If you would've been there, you wouldn't have Joey or Jakob. And my mom wouldn't have Ben or Nate. Everyone's worried about how they'll take all of this but no one cares about what I think or what I want!" she screamed at him right there on the street. He stood back with his hands on his hips, his heart growing heavy with guilt. "My brothers have always had both their parents together but I've never known what that's like," she said, lowering her voice, starting to cry. "I just wanna know what it's like."

Sinking down onto the concrete, Olivia sat down on the ground, bringing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs. Tears finally dripping down his cheeks here and there, Billie Joe crouched down and touched his hand to her shoulder and this time she didn't pull away. Taking this opportunity, he hooked his hands under her arms and lifted her up to her feet without any hesitation from her.

"C'mere," he muttered softly.

Despite him being only five foot six, and her being a twelve and a half year old girl, Billie Joe was still able to pick her up in his arms like he would if she were only five. Holding her close, he laid her head down on his shoulders, letting her cry against the material of his shirt as she wrapped herself around her dad. Pressing his lips to her temple he rubbed her back soothingly.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered when she hiccuped a small sob. "I love you, Olivia," he assured. "You're my little girl and you'll always be my first born, my first child...no matter how many others I have, or your mother has and no matter that I couldn't be there for the first twelve years of your life. But I'm gonna be here for the rest of your life and I will always care about what you think, or want. Understand?"

Slowly, she nodded against his shoulder as he just held her. "I love you, dad," she sniffled finally.

He smirked through his own tears. "I love you, too, sweetie."