The Average Ryden/Rydon
Gettin' rid o Peter Wentz
I went home; hoping to devise a way to kill Quinn when Pete suddenly began screaming at Spencer.
"SPENCER!! YOUR HANDS ARE TOO FAT TO GIVE ME A FOOT MASSAGE!!!"
"But Pete, I'm really trying--"
"SHUT UP!! UGH!! WHY CAN'T YOU GUYS BE AS AMAZING AS RYAN?! OR BETTER YET, WHY DON'T YOU ALL JUST FUCKING DIE!!!!"
I twitch and begin to devise a way to first get rid of that bitch we call Pete.
And I got it immediately.
I strolled in there, with a flier in my hands, and screeched in a rushed voice, "PETE!!! THERE'S A VERSACE SALE GOING ON NOW ON HOT GAY GUY ISLAND!!!"
Pete gasped, at first not believing it, then he grabbed it out of my hands and read the flier at least fifty times.
"O...M..F..GEE!! LIKE, THE TOTALLY VERSACE SALE OF THE CENTURY!!!!"
And like that, he was on his private jet to Hot Gay Guy Island. Too bad it isn't real.. What am I saying?! If it was then they'd take Ryan and I never, ever get to fuck him!
I just had an idea of how to get rid of Quinn..
((the next day; after Ryan came home with Quinn, talking about God knows what))
Spencer and Jon are giving me a weird look as I walk in with a scene girl; hand-in-hand. Spencer just ups and leaves. Jon rolls eyes and mutters, "This won't work."
Ryan comes waltzing out singing in his angelic voice, "Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stickwitu. My baby.."
AW HELL NAW!
THATS THE SONG I WAS SUPPOSED TO SING TO HIM!!
Quinn saw my rage and being the evil Ryan-stealer he is, he decided to sing as well, "Don't, don't let me be the last to know, don't hold back, just let it go, I need to hear you say, you need me all the way, so baby if you love me so, don't let me be the last to know."
THAT DOES IT!!
I walked right up to them with the photoshop bitch, I mean, Audrey and tapped on Ryan's shoulder.
He did not notice.
So, I tried it again, and he only kissed Quinn.
Down to my last option, I smacked him on the back of his head.
"OWIE!!"
"Hello Ryan, this is my GIRLFRIEND, Audrey Kitching. Audrey this is Ryan." I told him. Audrey just stared at him, and then said, "Where the fuck is my crack?"
"Umm.. Hehe, very funny baby, now tell Ryan how long we've been together.." I growled lowly.
What the fuck is wrong with this bitch?!
"Nice to meet you Audrey." he said to her nicely and do you know what that ugly cunt did to him??
"MOVE OUTTA MY WAY FAT ASS AND GIMME MY CRACK!! I DIDN'T SPEND ALL NIGHT PROSTITUTING AND FUCKING BAND BOYS FOR NOTHING!!"
Yes, she screamed that at him.
"I thought you were supposed to be nice?" Ryan asked quietly.
"SHUT UP!! BRENDON!!!" she shrieked.
"Aren't you are a hairstylist?" Quinn questioned.
"NO! I just lied about that so all of those idiots would think I have a job." she explained.
Holy shit, what the hell was I thinking?!
Wait a minute! I think I know how to get rid of this--EW!! SHE'S PICKING HER NOSE!!!
I picked up a bowl of water and immediately threw it on her.
"EEEEEEKKKK!!" she screeched, "I'M MELTINGG!! MELTING!!"
She wasn't kidding; she was actually melting.
And it was SO FUNNY!!
When she got done melting, all of these spirits came out and said to me, "Thank you for freeing us from the pink haired bitch."
"Um, thank you? How did she--"
"She dated us."
"Oh."
So, all of those poor souls that ugly cunt stole were finally free..
Hey, where's Ryan and Quinn?
"SPENCER!! YOUR HANDS ARE TOO FAT TO GIVE ME A FOOT MASSAGE!!!"
"But Pete, I'm really trying--"
"SHUT UP!! UGH!! WHY CAN'T YOU GUYS BE AS AMAZING AS RYAN?! OR BETTER YET, WHY DON'T YOU ALL JUST FUCKING DIE!!!!"
I twitch and begin to devise a way to first get rid of that bitch we call Pete.
And I got it immediately.
I strolled in there, with a flier in my hands, and screeched in a rushed voice, "PETE!!! THERE'S A VERSACE SALE GOING ON NOW ON HOT GAY GUY ISLAND!!!"
Pete gasped, at first not believing it, then he grabbed it out of my hands and read the flier at least fifty times.
"O...M..F..GEE!! LIKE, THE TOTALLY VERSACE SALE OF THE CENTURY!!!!"
And like that, he was on his private jet to Hot Gay Guy Island. Too bad it isn't real.. What am I saying?! If it was then they'd take Ryan and I never, ever get to fuck him!
I just had an idea of how to get rid of Quinn..
((the next day; after Ryan came home with Quinn, talking about God knows what))
Spencer and Jon are giving me a weird look as I walk in with a scene girl; hand-in-hand. Spencer just ups and leaves. Jon rolls eyes and mutters, "This won't work."
Ryan comes waltzing out singing in his angelic voice, "Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stickwitu. My baby.."
AW HELL NAW!
THATS THE SONG I WAS SUPPOSED TO SING TO HIM!!
Quinn saw my rage and being the evil Ryan-stealer he is, he decided to sing as well, "Don't, don't let me be the last to know, don't hold back, just let it go, I need to hear you say, you need me all the way, so baby if you love me so, don't let me be the last to know."
THAT DOES IT!!
I walked right up to them with the photoshop bitch, I mean, Audrey and tapped on Ryan's shoulder.
He did not notice.
So, I tried it again, and he only kissed Quinn.
Down to my last option, I smacked him on the back of his head.
"OWIE!!"
"Hello Ryan, this is my GIRLFRIEND, Audrey Kitching. Audrey this is Ryan." I told him. Audrey just stared at him, and then said, "Where the fuck is my crack?"
"Umm.. Hehe, very funny baby, now tell Ryan how long we've been together.." I growled lowly.
What the fuck is wrong with this bitch?!
"Nice to meet you Audrey." he said to her nicely and do you know what that ugly cunt did to him??
"MOVE OUTTA MY WAY FAT ASS AND GIMME MY CRACK!! I DIDN'T SPEND ALL NIGHT PROSTITUTING AND FUCKING BAND BOYS FOR NOTHING!!"
Yes, she screamed that at him.
"I thought you were supposed to be nice?" Ryan asked quietly.
"SHUT UP!! BRENDON!!!" she shrieked.
"Aren't you are a hairstylist?" Quinn questioned.
"NO! I just lied about that so all of those idiots would think I have a job." she explained.
Holy shit, what the hell was I thinking?!
Wait a minute! I think I know how to get rid of this--EW!! SHE'S PICKING HER NOSE!!!
I picked up a bowl of water and immediately threw it on her.
"EEEEEEKKKK!!" she screeched, "I'M MELTINGG!! MELTING!!"
She wasn't kidding; she was actually melting.
And it was SO FUNNY!!
When she got done melting, all of these spirits came out and said to me, "Thank you for freeing us from the pink haired bitch."
"Um, thank you? How did she--"
"She dated us."
"Oh."
So, all of those poor souls that ugly cunt stole were finally free..
Hey, where's Ryan and Quinn?
♠ ♠ ♠
Yes, ttmg94, everyone in this story is insane as they can possbily be.And to top off the insanity, I was listening to Eminem 'We Made You' when writing this. I know, CRAZY man!! :)