Clairvoyant Disease

Issa

I moaned loudly as he bit my collar bone softly, still deep in me he let the feeling linger while I scratched the smooth skin of his back right before running my fingers through his hair. It’s been like this for so long, we make love while everyone sleep. He locked his lips to mine as he slowly pulled out then just as slowly he pushed himself in me earning a deep moan from me. He’s breathtaking, the real love of my life but we can’t let anyone else know; too many people would be hurt. So we pretend and flirt in front of the world then we hide to show our true colors.

Carla

Matt and I were asleep in my room. We didn’t do it, as much as we wanted to, something was holding us back and to be totally honest it felt good to just be able to lie in his arms without doing anything. There were a few kisses here and there and a million sweet words but beyond that we just wanted to be with each other.

Around 3:30am I heard the soft clicking of heels outside. It’s impossible that Is just got in, she would’ve told me. I wanted to go out and check but Matt was lying next to me and the bed was against the wall. I tried to get out over him but as soon as he felt me he sat up wrapping his arms around my waist.

“don’t leave,” he said groggily;

“babe, I’m just going outside for a minute go back to sleep,” I ran my fingers through his hair;

“don’t,” he pulled me down on the bed intertwining my legs with his. He stared at me for a second before leaning closer and pecking my lips “I missed you,” he said and placed his hand over my cheek. I smiled and kissed the tip of his nose making him smile sleepily,

“I missed you, too,” I kissed him again and held him tighter against my body. Issa will have to wait to get grilled tomorrow because tonight I’m with the man of my dreams…

October 15, 2007

Over a month had passed and Matt and I had a pretty decent reconciliation. We didn’t have sex though; he stayed at Issa’s a couple of times but we never went through with it. Maybe it’s the thought of our best friend right outside, incase that’s what’s holding us, I’m going back home.

I packed a few things and was on my way. When I saw the end of the cul-de-sac, I smiled, I really do miss this place. I was about to park on the driveway when I noticed a black sedan on the curve. I know it’s not one of the guys or Larry’s and the neighborhood is practically empty at this time of the day, so the owner had to be in my house. I parked in Alejandro’s driveway and just stayed there. My heart in my throat, a million thoughts going through my head.

Finally, the front door swung open and I watched as Valary clung on Matt’s neck as they kissed, his hand on her hip, the other on the frame of the door. There was absolutely no way he could deny kissing her back this time, especially when the kiss was over and he placed his hand to her cheek and shaking his head he spoke to her. No matter what he just told her, the emotion is there, in his eyes… I can see that he still cares so much about her, the way he looks at her hasn’t changed in all these years, not even after what she did to him.

He looked disheveled, shirtless and in basketball shorts, his hair messy and his lips slightly swollen. I could feel my chest fill with a dangerous mix of anger, sadness and fear but I wasn’t hysterical, I didn’t break out in tears or got out of my car to yell at them, I just watched.

He ran his fingers through her now longer hair, pushing it out of her face. She had regained some healthy weight and color on her skin. Her roots were finally bleached back and her nails clearly done. They both were where they needed to be. He never noticed me as he leaned closer and kissed the corner of her lips before she walked away towards her car and he disappeared inside.

I was tempted to go over. Tell him what I had just witnessed and how much it hurts but I didn’t, he didn’t give me enough time to even do that. My phone rang and I stared at it blankly for a few seconds before arming myself of courage and answering the call.

”hello?”

“Bee, I need to tell you something,” he’s coming clean? Will he actually do it? I looked over at the house and took a deep breath;

”I’m listening,”

“Val came over, we talked and I may have gotten her away from us for good,”

“really?” I acted as excitedly as I possibly could, this is the only way that I can actually catch him in the lie;

”yeah, I needed to get her away, Carlee. This is our time, I can’t have her coming back and screwing this up,”

“you’re completely right, Matt but I need to know… did anything else happen between the two of you?” the line was silent for a moment before he finally spoke;

”no, Carlee. I told her it couldn’t, I can’t risk losing you,” I can only compare this pain to have been stabbed repeatedly in the chest and not being able to die.

”now that I don’t believe-“

“why not? If I had wanted to hide it I wouldn’t even have called you but I did,”

“yes Matt but you also lied,”

“I have not lied-“

“Matt, I have been parked right next door for the last ten minutes! I saw you,” I turned my engine over and waited for him to make the obvious appearance and when he did I high-tailed it out of there ”I’m right not to trust you,”

“let me explain,”

“no, let me explain… you and I will have nothing, ever again. I am tired of your mistakes, I am tired of your spineless attitude towards her and then your bogus explanations, I am done. My mistake was trying to make you feel and make you act like you never will,” I finished the call and turned off my phone. I don’t want to go to Issa’s, I don’t want to see him, going to my mom’s will only raise some eyebrows, so HB is forbidden for me, the next best thing is a hotel, an expensive one where I can relax and hide in practical plain sights.

Matt

Three months of celibacy. This is the longest I’ve ever gone since I lost my virginity in my early teens. I pushed my body to the limit in my home gym, hoping to release enough energy to calm my hormones down. The doorbell rang and dragging my feet I made it through the empty house and to the front door.

Val stood at the other side. Her scars hidden under her makeup, her green eyes shining mischievously and her glossed lips curved into a smile. I sighed defeated, what do I have to do to keep her away? Must I put a restraining order against her?

“what?”

“hey, I just want to talk. I come in peace,” she made a peace sign with her fingers and I finally took notice of how much better she was looking. She finally seemed to be getting everything back to place. I can take a lot of credit for it, I know that much. Financially, I’ve been slowly getting her back to her feet and she seemed to be doing well but she can’t just come back whenever she wants.

“two minutes, I’m busy,” she rolled her eyes and walked past me, not putting much distance between us which didn’t surprise me;

“I can tell, it’s been years since I last saw you like this,” he voice was dark and soft and I knew that it would be best to keep my distance so I walked to the living room and sat on the arm-chair assuring that she wouldn’t sit next to me, I pointed to the loveseat and she sat, a leg crossed over the other, her purse besides her.

“what you want to talk about?” she looked away from me and took her surroundings in, Carla had done a great job perfecting each corner of this house and she must notice it;

“my parents paid the lease for an apartment, I’m in the midst of fixing it up to move it. I plan on going back to college and see how I can get back on my feet but I need one last favor from you. I promise to not come back,” I cocked an eyebrow, how can I believe that?

“I don’t think that’s a promise you can keep, Val. You’ve already said the exact same thing like five times before,”

“I mean it. I can’t just keep begging you to love me, I can’t live off of crumbs…” she closed her eyes for a moment and my eyes betrayed me down to her cleavage before I looked at the beer stained carpet under our feet, Carla is going to kill me for that too. “I want you, like I’ve never wanted you before, like I’ve never wanted anyone else in this world but even if I could get into your pants, she’s the one in your mind and I can’t change that,” I don’t believe a single word she says. She wore a low cut short dress, the way she looked at me… she did it all with a purpose.

“I’ve never insinuated otherwise, have I?”

“no you haven’t,” she shook her head “but she’s not owning her part and you want me, too,” I took a deep breath and felt her before I turned my face back towards her and saw her. She put her hands on each side of the back of the chair and closed in;

“please, Val. Don’t do this. It’s going to end up bad-“ she kissed me instantly shutting me up. I groaned into her mouth, the sweetness of her lip gloss locking me in and my hands, against my will, traveled up her bare thighs and to her hips, noting that there was nothing in the way. She straddled my lap and her fingers tangled in my hair. She was right about more than one statement, I do want her, Carla is not even trying to get close again and I can only compare her to Carlee, she’s the one really on my mind. Val's lips aren’t half as soft and plump as Carla’s, her skin is not warm and gentle and she simply can’t make me feel like Carla does.

I felt myself get hard under her, my heart pounded furiously and I dug my thumbs into her hipbones trying to control myself. She bit and sucked onto my bottom lip as she grinded on my erection.

“no,” I muttered when she pulled away and began kissing down my neck, I know she will mark me just to give my relationship with Carlee that last knock-out blow. When her teeth graced my skin I pushed her away “don’t,” I warned her;

“I won’t,” she smiled innocently but I wasn’t buying it nor was I just talking about an unwanted hickey. She leaned closer again but I held her away;

“I mean about this, stop,” she sighed, obviously offended because my rejection. I pushed her off me and stood up, the arousal was fading away, there’s just something about her that kills everything and even as good as she looks right now, I can’t get excited enough to push worries to the back of my mind. “I will give you fifteen grand and you will never come back again. I mean it, if you do I will file a restraining order. I’m done, Valary. Sick and tired of you screwing everything up for me. You did it when I was just a kid you’re doing it now,” her shocked face was soon covered by anger;

“of fuck you, Matt. You’re the one that always screwed me over. You weren’t faithful to me ever and I took it, the moment you realized that I was playing your same game you kicked me out. I took then exactly what I’m taking now, scraps of your affection. Do you think money is the issue? I don’t need your money as a matter of fact, I don’t want it but it gives me reasons to see you again, that’s all I want. That’s all I’ve ever wanted,” I sighed and shook my head;

“it’s over, it’s been over for too long and I’m finally happy, why can’t you be happy for me and move on?” she stood and fronted me;

“because Carla doesn’t deserve it. I can see you move on with anyone in this world but not her, it’s not fair for me,”

“it’s life, take it as it is and leave it alone. Stop doing this to yourself and to me, keep Carla out of it. You and I did nothing but hurt each other all those years we were together, now it’s time to let that go and learn from our mistakes,” she took a deep shaky breath in and let it out softly before nodding;

“fine, I’ll leave,” she sounded bitter and I knew that she would move heaven and earth to make me miserable. When she went to walk past me to the hall I stopped her. I pulled her back in front of me and searched her eyes for something, some remorse, some pain but she was empty.

“please, we can be happy away from each other, we both deserve it,” she clenched her jaw.

“I will not find what I had with you anywhere else-“

“but you can find something better. Someone that respects you and treats you like you deserve. We both know I never did,” she reached out, placing her hand in the middle of my bare chest to feel my heart beat like she always did. That meant she was searching for life, for something more than the shell I always was to her, this is no exception.

I walked her to the front door. In one last attempt to get to me, she kissed my lips and as much as I wanted to push her straight onto the lawn, I held the need back. I pushed her face away from mine and shook my head;

“Stop trying to hurt me,” I whispered to her, she nodded and looked down at her feet “hey-“ I pulled her face back up, running my thumb over the make-up covered scar under her bottom lip “please, let me be happy with the woman I love. I’m begging you,” I’m not one to beg so the shock in her eyes was not surprising.

“okay,” I ran my fingers through her hair before kissing her cheek and watched her walk away. I had to set the record straight with Carla. She needed to know what happened, maybe not all of it, I mean… I still want her back at some point and telling her how I had just felt up my ex and made out with her before having a heart-to-heart will clearly chase her away.

I dialed her number and after a long time she picked up.

”hello?” she was upset, that much was clear but I didn’t want to question her, I wanted to tell her before I could change my mind;

“Bee, I need to tell you something,”

”I’m listening,”

“Val came over, we talked and I may have gotten her away from us for good,”

“really?” I know her and I know when she’s faking excitement but once again, I ignored it, maybe she’s just having a rough day and knowing that Val and I were just in the same room simply brought out the sarcasm in her;

”yeah, I needed to get her away, Carlee. This is our time, I can’t have her coming back and screwing this up,”

“you’re completely right, Matt but I need to know… did anything else happen between the two of you?” can she read my fears from afar?

”no, Carlee. I told her it couldn’t, I can’t risk losing you,” I cringed, why am I lying to her? I just can’t let her know what just happened;

”now that I don’t believe-“

“why not? If I had wanted to hide it I wouldn’t even have called you but I did,” panic was beginning to set in. what’s going on with her?

“yes Matt but you also lied,”

“I have not lied-“

“Matt, I have been parked right next door for the last ten minutes! I saw you,” fuck my life! How could I not notice that mastodon she calls her car? I ran out of the house, forgetting to disarm the alarm only focused on getting to her. She gave me a quick look before speeding away still on the line. ”I’m right not to trust you,”

“let me explain,”

“no, let me explain… you and I will have nothing, ever again. I am tired of your mistakes, I am tired of your spineless attitude towards her and then your bogus explanations, I am done. My mistake was trying to make you feel and make you act like you never will,” she hung up and I just stood there, the alarm of the house blaring all over the cul-de-sac, my phone in my hand and my heart on the floor. I might as well give up on this, it’s a fruitless chase but I love her so much!

My phone rang and I quickly picked it up just to groan when I heard the woman from the alarm company;

”everything’s fine, I forgot to disarm,”