You Are the One that I Want

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The next morning I a woke to a loud beeping noise and a lot of vibrations on whatever it was I was sleeping on.

I opened my eyes slowly and noticed that I was on a bed. I turned my body around to look over at Tre; he was smiling at me; I smiled back. The loud beeping noise was his cell phone, telling him that he had a voice message.

"Hey," he said a little over a whisper.

"Hi."

"Do you feel better today?" he asked while stroking my hair.

That's when all the events from yesterday hit me. I was still in a little bit of shock, but I tried my best to pretend that I was alright, so I faked a smile.

"Yea, a lot better," I lied.

His face dropped from happy to a frown - he knew I was lying, he always knows; "Are you sure?" he asked.

I thought about it for a second before answering him; "Yea," I nodded.

I could tell he knew I wasn't okay, because he still had the sad look on his face and he made a big exhale through his nose.

"Are you hungry?" he finally asked.

"Starving," I smiled; he smiled back.

We got up and went to the living room. Tre called room service; they brought up a platter of breakfast.

After Tre and I ate, we watched a bit of TV; it was boring; nothings on Saturday mornings.

"Oh, shit!" Tre said. I looked over at him, puzzled. "I have a voice message, I forgot," he got up and went to his phone and put it on speaker phone.

"Tre, where the fuck is my fucking car, and where the fuck are you? My car better be in good shape when you bring it back! Call me when you get this."

"Opps, I forgot I had Billie's car," he said.

I tried my best not to laugh at Billie's message; the part where he said, 'my car better be in good shape when you bring it back.' His car is already out of shape and crappy. "

I guess I better call him back."

I nodded.

He called him back. I only heard Tre's part of the conversation; it didn't sound too good.

"Billie?... Yea, I'm sorry about that… I'm at a hotel with Tabs… Why would you care?... I'll bring it tonight… Fine… Why?... What happened?... He did what?... Mike's okay, right?... Good… I'll figure something out… Yea, I know… I'll tell her…Okay, bye."

He came back into the room, looking scared.

What did he need to tell me?

I looked up at him, starting to look a little scared, as well.

He came up and sat on the couch beside me. He still had a frightened look on his face. He put his hands on his face and tilted his head back; "Fuck," he mumbled into his hands.

"What's wrong?" I asked, looking concerned. He took his hands away from his face and looked at me peacefully like I was the best thing ever; "What happened?"

"It's, um... Josh," he said.

I felt scared when he mentioned his name, "What did he do?"

"He's looking for you. He already trashed Mike's house trying to find you," he said, rubbing my arm.

I felt the tears form in my eyes; I was getting really scared, "What does he want with me?"

"I don't know," he said. I began to cry. "Tabs, it'll be okay, I'm here." He scotched closer.

I got up and began pacing around the room. I felt so much pain going through me; it was the worst pain that I ever felt.

"No, it won't be okay, nothing ever turns out okay!" I cried, "What did I do to deserve to be treated like this? Why is it me? I just want to end my fucking life! There's no point in me living - there can't be! If there is a fucking God then why doesn't he help me? Why do I have to go through life suffering?

"It never changes! I'm the one who gets abused, criticized by my own fucking family, treated like shit, and all I ever tried to do was be like everyone else! I never complained about my life to anyone - no one cared - no one saw how bad my life was - no one ever saw the marks or scars that I've had all my life and no one even cared to ask if everything was okay! I've had to deal with everything! All I want is a home where I shouldn't be scared to live in! Damn, I can't even bring my friends over for a visit without getting in trouble!

"All I had all my life was a pair of little scissors to help me with my problems, and what did that do? It made the situation even worse! Every time I'm at home I'm so much closer to just killing myself, and I don't know why I can't - I've tried doing it before, but it was like someone was holding me back. That's when I thought my life would be different - I thought that when I came out of the hospital my life would be different, but it was the same, nothing changed and nothing will ever change!

"When I go home he'll kill me or I'll kill myself - I can't even go home, nobody wants me there; I've been kicked out for something that I didn't even say! Now when he finds me, I'm going to be in even more trouble! On top of all that I have a fucking psycho looking for me! I thought I got rid of him for good; why did he have to come back? I don't know what I did to deserve my life like this - I shouldn't even have a life, I should be dead, I should have ended it along time ago, then maybe everyone's lives would be happier, even Josh's."

I looked up at Tre; he was paying full attention to everything that I was saying, I even noticed a few tears going down his cheek. At that moment I fell on my knees, on the floor. I put my hands over my face and cried loudly, "I just want a normal life… Why can't I have one? How come I have to live with all this pain?"

Everything went by so fast. I couldn't believe that I finally expressed all my feeling out… it felt good to get everything out in the open, but it still really hurt. I felt really dizzy after expressing myself, I felt like my head was going to fall off. I was in so much pain from the crying and relieving all my stress and all my inner thoughts that I never shared with anyone.

Tre came on the floor with me and started holding me tightly. I put my arms around his waist and I cried into his chest. He was trying to be strong for me.

"I don't know, Tabs... I don't know why you have to live with all this pain that you've been holding in, but... I want you to know that I'm here for you, and I'll always be here for you, and I care for you... I care for you so much. Just please don't try to hurt yourself, please? Please, promise me, you'll never hurt yourself?" he whispered in my ear. He had a lot of concern and panic in his voice.

I raised my head from his chest to look into his eyes. His eyes were full of tears that he was sobbing out. His eyes told me how much love he had for me.

I can't believe how much he loves and cares about me, and I can't believe how much I love and care for him.

"I promise. Thank you so much... you're the only one that I've ever been able to talk to," I told him while calming down and wiping the tears from my eyes.

He put his forehead on mine to look closer into my eyes, "I love you so much."

"I love you so much too," I told him.

He smiled and I did too.