I'm Begging You.

I open my eyes letting the tears run down my face, I lay back down covering my entire body with the sheets and let a sob out.

He’s gone for good.

I feel the pain run through my body as it shakes from my sobbing. I bang my fist on the mattress angrily. I lost him tonight and I didn’t do everything I could to make him stay. I didn’t tell him I was willing to continue our little secret as long as I could feel him close to me. I didn’t tell him I- It wouldn’t had matter if I had told him anyway.

The sobs abruptly stop as I feel someone on the edge of my bed. I wipe the tears on my face away and sit up still covering myself.

“I told you to le-leave.” I whimper as my lips tremble and the tears begin to come out once more.

I bury my face into my hands feeling Pete move closer.

He tucks my hair behind my ears and he wraps his arms securely around my fragile body.

“Don’t leave me, I love you!” I cry out desperately as I wrap my arms around him tightly as if he were going to leave at that moment.

He stays quiet and kisses the side of my head, I pull away staring at his hurt face through my blurry teary eyes. I bring my hand up and place it on his cheek as my thumb brushes his lips.

He takes my hand in his and brings it to his lips kissing it lightly.

“I love you too Anne, but-”

“Don’t” I shake my head and bring my face up to his, my forehead against his.

I close my eyes placing my lips softly on his and kiss him lightly. He kisses me back slowly but eagerly as if my lips were some kind of drug to him. He pulls away and shakes his head.

“But I’m not going to hurt you any longer.” He whispers kissing my forehead.

“You’re hurting me by leaving me Pete.” I choke back the tears and stare at him.

“You’ll find someone who will make you happier than I could ever, someone with who you don’t have to hide.”

“I want you.” I whimper kissing his lips repeatedly.

“I wont let myself do this anymore Anne.” He says standing up.

I shake my head and stand up as well, taking hold of his hand as my other hand holds the sheets against my body.

“I don’t care that you have a wife, I don’t care that you wont leave her for me. I need you Pete.” I say in a distraught tone of voice.

“But I care Anne, and we already discussed this. We can‘t pretend we live in a fantasy any longer.”

“Then why didn’t you just leave when I told you to? Why didn‘t you just leave instead of making me hurt more?”

“I couldn’t leave you so broken like that..” He whispers looking at the window instead of me.

“You can put me back together.”

He looks at me and then turns around. “I can… But I wont.” He says and takes a step towards the door.

I let the sheets drop to the floor and grab my panties putting them on quickly, then reach for a shirt as I hear Pete opening the front door of my apartment. I quickly get my robe and run after him.

“Pete please!” I cry out running down the stairs.

I can hear his steps hurrying down the stairs and then the apartment complex door slamming. I stop breathing as I reach the door, scared that he’s no longer going to be there.
I open the door and turn left and I could see his slump figure walking hurriedly and angrily.

“Pete!” I shout as I begin running towards him.

I couldn’t let him go, not with my heart in his hands; not like this.

“Pete!” I shout desperately as I start to feel a strong ping in my heart almost as if there was a string tied around it and with each passing second it was tightening around it.

I push my bare feet to move faster than they had ever in their whole existence, I wasn’t going to let him leave as if it were only his choice.

“I’ll tell her!” I shout as I grip my chest from the pain and slow my pace.

I see him stop and slowly he turns around.

“I’ll tell her Pete.” I repeat blinking allowing my tears to escape.

“No you wont.” He replies.

I nod my head and walk towards him not moving my sight away from him. I choke back a sob because I know he’s right. No matter what I do, I will never get the guts to actually walk to Ashlee and tell her about her husband’s betrayal. I know this because I love him too much to ever ruin his happiness.

“Go back Anne, forget I ever loved you or that you ever loved. Pretend this was just a-a dream.”

“Why Pete?” I ask my face covered in confusion.

“Because you deserve to be happy too, just like the rest of us.”

“But you make me happy,” I whisper as I stare into his eyes.

“I can’t be living two different lives Anne, and you know which life I choose.”

I look down at my bare feet and nod, it’s always going to be Ashlee.

“Then give me something Pete,” I tell him as I take his hand, he looks at me and I know he knows what I want.

“Please.”

He closes his eyes and nods, “I’ll give you what you want.”