Stupid

Four days seemed to go by too quickly, I sat in my room, picking at my nails. Alex was due to visit me any minute, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for it. I had yesterday, exactly how I felt for Alex, after thinking about for a total of three days. And I was happy with my conclusion, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready for something that big, something that could change everything our group has ever known. Though, I’m sure it would have been a good change, great even.

And I think I deserve some happiness. I know Alex can give me that, even when I just saw him as a friend he gave me a type of happiness no one else could, and I’m sure that happiness could be stronger if our friendship turned into a relationship.

I knew I wanted a relationship that meant something, and I knew that Alex could give it to me, I just didn’t know how to bring it up. I don’t know how to tell him how I feel, it’s all so new to me, even though I’m sure that’s what I’ve been feeling since the start of the short tour that just finished.

There was a knock on the door, my heart started to beat faster, as I stood up and walked from my room to the front door. There, Alex stood, converse, skinny jeans, a white tee-shirt, and a gray beanie atop his head. As soon as I saw him, I launched myself at him.

“Hey, there, Josey,” Alex chuckled as he caught me, he walked us into the living room and shut the door. “How’ve you been?”

“I’ve missed you so much!” I buried my face into his neck, and nuzzled my nose into his skin.

“I’ve missed you too,” he kissed the top of my head, and I finally let go of him. He smiled and took a seat on the armchair next to the couch, and I sat in the middle of the cushions on the couch. “So, why am I here so early, Josey?”

I took a deep breath. “I need to tell you something, and I only realized it a few days ago, when I left tour,” I paused, trying to collect my thoughts so I didn’t start rambling. “I need you in my life, Alex. You’ve been in my life forever as a friend, and as of late a best friend. But sometimes in friendships, feelings are developed, like with you and Lisa.”

Alex cut me off. “What are you getting at, Jose, ‘cause my palms are getting sweaty.”

I giggled. “What I’m getting at is, Alex, you’re my friend, my best friend, and I love you…I love you so much. And I would love to be more than a best friend to you, if that’s okay.”

“Lisa told you that I love you, didn’t she?” Alex mumbled.

“Yes, she did. And if she hadn’t, I wouldn’t of realized just what I was missing. And I was hoping to go out to dinner tonight with all our friends and families and tell them that we love each other, if that’s okay with you,” I smiled lightly at him.

He stood up, and sat next to, angling his body towards mine. His hand moved to rest on my right cheek. “As cliché as it sounds, I’ve been waiting forever to hear words like that come out of your mouth. You’re serious about this? It’s not just to get back at Jack and it’s not just to humor me?”

“I’m serious, I want you to be my boyfriend, so will you?” I giggled.

“Did you just ask me to be your boyfriend? Aren’t I supposed to ask that?” he smiled at me. “But yes, I’ll be your boyfriend,” and then he kissed me.

· · ·

Alex and I were the last to arrive at the dinner our families and friends share when we…or they get back from tour. I glanced over the faces that were there, and was shocked when I saw Cassadee curled up next to Zack.

“Cassadee and Zack, it’s official, huh?” I whispered to Alex, who nodded. “Cute.”

Everybody was there, except Jessa, obviously, as odd as it sounds…I did miss her, I shook my head, ‘focus on the present!’. Alex and I walked to the two available seats, and sat down, our hands intertwined on top of the table.

“Did it happen?” Lisa mouthed to me, noticing Alex and my hands connected. I nodded my head, which caused her to squeal.

Rian looked at her oddly. “What is your problem, Lis?”

“Alex and Josey are finally together!” Immediately everyone’s eyes zeroed in our hands.

“Well, it’s about fucking time,” Rian laughed, while everyone agreed.

The dinner continued nicely, all our friends were happy for us, and the environment was cheerful. Conversation was pleasant, going from anything that had to do with the boys’ tour to Lisa’s environment organization. When dessert rolled around, I excused myself to the bathroom, while Alex made sure to order us a slice of cheesecake to split, and a side of raspberries for myself.

When I was finished with my business in the bathroom, I left, but felt someone hold onto my wrist and pull me back towards the nook.

“Are you happy with him?” was the first thing out of the person’s mouth, before I even turned around, I knew it was Jack.

“I am more than happy with him, Jack,” I sighed. “He’s everything I could ever ask for and more.”

“So anything we had between us…anything you felt for me is done?” he muttered, looking down towards the floor.

“Yeah, it is. You’re my best friend, but Alex…he’s something else. He’s like my best friend, but deeper…I want to be with him for a long time. He’s an amazing person, and while the feelings that I once had for you were deep, they slowly started disappearing at least a year ago, but I think I was so caught up in trying to make you mine…that I didn’t realize that I really no longer felt that way towards you anymore,” I tried to sum up the way I felt the best way I could.

“Well, I’m glad you’re happy…you deserve it,” Jack smiled a broken-hearted smile.

“Jack, you know, if you can just keep it in your pants prove you’re worth more than a sleaze who sleeps with groupies, I’m sure Jessa would be more than happy to take you back, she loves you a lot…probably more than I could ever,” I hugged him close. “I love you best, now, let’s go eat some dessert!”

We walked back to the table, I took my spot next to Alex and he moved to his spot next to Zack. Alex leaned over and whispered, “What was that?”

“That was best friends becoming best friends again,” I kissed Alex’s cheek. “I love you.”

He smiled in return. “I love you, too.”

My heart always seemed to beat a little faster when he spoke those words to me, and I couldn’t help but smile. Alex Gaskarth completes me.