Stupid

“Kara?!” I excitedly yelled into the speaker.

“Yeah, babe, listen…my ear is right next to the phone, you don’t have to yell,” I heard the smile in her voice.

“Okay,” I giggled. “Is Lisa there? I want you guys to meet my new best friend!”

“As a matter of a fact, she is!” I heard shuffling around and then Kara yell out to Lisa. “Speaker phone one! Lisa is here! Who is your new best friend?”

“Okay, her name is Cassadee, and she is the lead singer of Hey Monday, she is awfully amazing, and helps Vinny and me with All Time Low merch, and sits next to me when I get drunk,” I smiled. “Cassadee, meet Kara; Rian’s girlfriend, model, college student, doggy lover, and a hot piece of ass. Also, meet, Lisa; Alex’s ex-girlfriend, bomb shit, doggy lover, and my secret lover.”

Greetings were exchanged as Kara, Lisa, and Cassadee got to know each other, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a skinny figure bounding towards me. I turned my head to see that it was Jack, a frown was placed on his face, I felt my heart twist because there wasn’t a smile on his face.

“Cassadee, I’ll be back, you continue to talk to them.”

“Where’s she going?” Kara’s voice sailed through the cell phone.

“I think she’s going to Jack,” Cassadee answered.

I didn’t hear Kara or Lisa’s reply, as I was already closer to Jack than I was to Cassadee. When I finally reached him, we shared a hug, my heart began thumping wildly in my chest.

“What’s wrong, boy?” I asked Jack, my eyebrows furrowed.

“Nothing much, girl,” Jack tried to look convincing, but it didn’t help. I slipped my hand into his, and he tightened his fingers into mine.

“Come on, Jack,” I mumbled, pulling him away, and to the save haven of our bus. “I’m your best friend, tell me what’s wrong, boo?”

Jack took me to one of the couches, sat down and pulled me down onto his lap, his head digging into the crook of my neck, his breath sending the hairs on the back off my neck on end. He mumbled something, soundlessly into my flesh.

“Please, repeat that honey,” I cooed, running my fingers through his unnaturally soft hair.

“She hasn’t called me since yesterday, let alone texted me.!” Jack spoke louder, raising his face to meet mine, he’s eyes clouding over with distress.

“Who?”

“Jessa!” he sighed. “She usually calls me five times a day, and leaves three voicemails, and sends me at least 13 texts before lunch,” he sighed, fixing his eyes down on our hands, which were still interlocked.

Maybe she realized how much of a dick you actually are, I thought grimly, trying not to glare at his head.

“She’s probably busy,” I thought about what was going on in her life. “You know she’s in college, trying to become all successful and stuff,” I patted his head, kissing his forehead; making a loud smacking sound when I pulled away.

“Why are you so good at making sense?” Jack asked, grinning, slightly.

“Because I’m awesome,” I nodded, before busting out in an obnoxious giggle fit because Jack had jabbed his fingers into my sides. “You are a fucking asshole,” I huffed.

“But, you love me,” I tried not to stiffen at the words, I swallowed thickly.

“You’re a loser, but yes, I do love you,” I pressed my lips to his cheek.

“You’re my best friend, Josey, really,” I looked down at Jack.

He’s dragging me in. He’s going to play me for a fool. He’s going to say sweet little words that’ll make me melt. He’s going to run his fingers through my hair. He’s going to rub my palms with his fingertips. He’s going to pull me in and throw me down. He’s going to break me. He’s going to make me feel stupid.

“Jack, I have to go find Cassadee,” I got up and walked off the bus as fast as I could, not bothering to look back, if I do, I’ll stay…if I stay he’ll make me do something I’ll secretly not regret.

I walked back to the spot where I had previously left Cassadee, I saw her there, still talking to Kara and Lisa. “Cassadee, would you mind if I spoke to them alone?” I asked, shakily, rubbing my right index finger into my left wrist, holding the upper part of my hand with my thumb.

“Yeah, of course! I’m gonna go bother Jersey!” Cassadee let out an evil cackle, giving me my phone back.

I switched the device off speaker and held it up close to my ear. “Hello?”

“What did Jack want?” Kara was quick to reply.

“Something was up with him and Jessa, I went to talk to him, but I turned him down…I left before he could make me break!” I smiled, half-heartedly.

“Are you serious?” Lisa spoke up in the background.

“Dead serious,” I sighed, running my fingers through the bottom of my ponytail, as I relayed the story to them.

“Baby girl, I am so proud of you,” my smile thickened a bit, as Kara spoke and Lisa piped up in the back.

I noticed that the security in the front had come out, and the people in the line had started to stand up. “Listen, guys, I have to go help Vinny with merch, looking like I was just in a knock down drag out fight, so have fun being girly girls, while I go get bitched at by snobby girls who want to fuck the men,” I smiled, listening to their farewell, before darting inside the venue, and over to the merch area.

· · ·

“We’re going out tonight!” Jack announced to the bands, as his arm slide around Vic’s waist, and the crews for each band.

“Why’s that?” Rian asked, walking next to me and Cassadee, texting Kara.

“Because we’ve had a good first three days of tour, and I think we need to go out!” Jack answered, in a dull voice, I watched his fingers dance on the skin that appeared between the bottom of Vic’s shirt and pants, a twinge of jealousy rolled in my veins.

“I agree with that one,” I mumbled into Cassadee’s shoulder, holding her hand, as we followed the boys out.

“You guys,” Cassadee whined. “I’m too young!”

“Well, that you are,” Jack thought for a moment. “How about the adults,” he winked at all of us. “Go out and buy booze!”

“Do it!” a voice that belonged to none other than Gabe, yelled out among the words tossed around by the other bands and crew members.

I made a promise to myself that I was not going to end up how I was last night, I remembered last night, I didn’t want to wake up tomorrow and not remember tonight.