I'll Bite the Bullet

Jared’s POV.

I open my eyes a bit to see Beau’s head resting on my shoulder, his breathing even and his eyes shut. He looks so beautiful when he’s asleep. I ran my fingers through his soft brown hair as he let out a yawn. Fuck, I woke him up. I look forward to see that everybody, but Mike, who was driving, was asleep. Beau stirred a little bit, wrapped his arms around my waist, and rested his head in my lap. He fluttered open his beautiful eyes, and looked into mine.

“Hello, love.” He lipped up at me and smiled a bit. I looked up at Mike to make sure his eyes were on the road and I leaned down to Beau, and planted a soft kiss on his lips. He smiled at me and cuddled closely up to me. I reached over to the cup holder and picked up my iPhone, it was 4:15 am. Five hours of driving down. I sat my phone back down, and stretched a little bit. Beau tightened his grip around me and yawned.

“You two awake back there?” Mike said from the front. There was no music on. No noise all through the van. Just pure, lovely silence.

“Yeah, we are.” I said quietly as I looked at Mike in the distant rear-view mirror.

“Where’s Beau at?” he got a look of question in his eyes.

“Right here!” Beau threw his hand up and waved up at Mike, who nodded his head and focused his eyes back on the road.

“I can’t imagine how wrong this looks.” I laughed a bit as Beau smiled. “You look so cute, down there.” His smile got even bigger as his cheeks reddened a bit. We yawned in sync with each other; he closed his eyes and snuggled into me. I knew he would be back asleep within the next few minutes. I played with his hair until I knew he was back into neverland.

Just staring at him makes me think of it all… our first hello, our first hug, our first kiss, the first time we said “I love you” to each other, our first fight, hell even the first time we made love, my mind plays it over and over. Those thoughts can run through my head, just like they happened yesterday. I have no doubt in my mind that I love Beau… maybe more than I should. He’s the only one that I can be soft, sensitive, and romantic towards. It didn’t feel right with anyone else. Over these last few months, girls would throw themselves at me… but, none of them have the beauty, intellect or charm that Beau has. Yeah, I know that we’re both guys, and whatever. I just happened to fall in love with his personality. The boy behind the beautiful eyes. His brain and his heart are what had me at “Hello.”

Never in a million years would I of pictured myself being with a guy. But, I guess it just fell in that way. Everybody I know thinks I’m straight, and I’d honestly like to keep it that way. It’s not like I’m ashamed of what Beau and I have. I’m just afraid of the criticism and judgment that’ll come with it. I’m eventually gonna come out about it. I just have to wait for the fight time.
First, to my band. Then, to my family. I have no doubt in my mind that I’ll be with Beau for years and years to come.

I look down at Beau, he’s totally out. I smile to myself, and close my eyes to attempt to get some more sleep. After about 20 minutes of sitting there, thinking about absolutely nothing, I heard the van slow down. I opened my eyes to see that Mike had stopped at a gas station. I really had to pee, but, I didn’t want to have to wake Beau up to do so. I picked up my pillow that I had my head resting on, slid myself out of place, and placed the pillow where I had been sitting. He moved around a little bit, and let our a silent cry.

“Jared… Where are you going, honey?” I looked up to make sure Mike was out of the van and the other guys were still asleep.

“Shhhh, love. Go back to sleep. I’ll be right back.” I ran my fingers through his hair for what felt like the millionth time in the last 24 hours. I walked over to the doors of the van, and slowly shoved it open.

“Where are we?” Eric asks me, as I shoot my head to look back at him.

“I don’t know… uh… a gas station?” I look at him, awkwardly pulling on the collar of my
sweater... what the fuck? “How long have you been awake?”

“Uhhh…. Long enough to hear you call Beau ‘love’.”

“You must have been dreaming…?” I asked quickly before jumping out of the van and heading over to the entrance of the gas station.