Remodelling the Wreckage of My Past

“Matt, this better be a joke, right?” I asked, my eyes glued on the page. When I looked up, my brother was watching me with a goofy smile.

“You said you wanted me to sing a song with you, I thought you meant a real song!” I said, sighing as I set the paper back on the table.

“Please Adeline, can you do that for me?” Matt asked. I rolled my eyes and walked in the booth, putting the headphones on my ears. I crossed my arms under my bust and tapped my foot as I waited for my brother to actually do something.

“I don’t need the lyrics Matthew, thank you.” I mumbled, rolling my eyes as he showed me the paper.

“I can’t believe you’re making me do this!” I whined, “You’re lucky you’re my favorite brother…” I added. He smiled but it quickly faded as he registered what I had just said.

“Favorite brother? I’m your only brother!” he protested. I smirked and gave him the middle finger.

The all too familiar tune filled my ears and with one last glare in direction of my brother, I started singing…

I´m a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world
Life in plastic, it´s fantastic.
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere.
Imagination, life is your creation.

**

“I can’t believe I just recorded ‘Barbie Girl’ with my little sister!” said Matt as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and kissed my cheek. I rolled my eyes, pretending to be annoyed when all I wanted to do was smile. My brother was stupid, but I loved him still. I let myself fall on the couch and rested my feet on the coffee table in the studio.

“Someone’s missing…” I said, raising an eyebrow as Matt sat on the edge of the table.

“Yeap, Brian is off shopping with Nat. I think they wanted to look for a bigger house or something, while buying stuff for the baby.” He explained, taking a sip from his bottle of water.

“And the rest of your band?” I asked, looking around. Matt was about to answer when a base ball flew in the room and landed by my feet.

“Sorry!” yelled Johnny as he ran inside, grab the ball and ran back out of the room.

“I told you not to play inside!” yelled Matt just as the door slammed shut behind Johnny. I chuckled.

“So, how are my nephew and nieces doing?” asked Matt, rubbing his forehead and letting out a yawn as he moved away from the table to sit next to me on the couch.

“Well, they’re all doing fine… Aiden and Angelina are spending some times with Papa Gates, Suzy and McKenna while Celia is staying with Billy. I’m sure Celia would rather be with her brother and sister but Aiden is having a hard time dealing with Nat’s pregnancy… Last time I went to pick them up, I thought Aiden was about to shove the crib down Nat’s throat… The way he was glaring at her and everything…” I explained, playing with the sleeve of my hoodie. “I wish things would be easier…” I whispered.

“I can’t see the kids as often as I’d love too because Brian needs to see them too, and he keeps asking Aiden to help him choose for the baby stuff, he just doesn’t understand that Aiden wants nothing to do with his future step brother/sister. I’m too busy trying to make the house a little decent to spend some time with Billy and Celia… I’m telling you, 24 hours isn’t enough in one day… It should be longer!” I muttered, pinching the bridge of my nose.

“How is it going in the studio?” asked Matt, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

“Well, I only go there at night you know, when there’s not enough light for me to paint… The girls are losing hope of ever going back on the road, with Nat’s pregnancy and stuff. You should have heard Ash the other day, she was yelling and screaming bloody murder because Nat had called, saying that she couldn’t make it. I felt bad for her drum kit...” I said with a chuckle.

“You know, it’s up to you to make everything easier…” started Matt, patting my head.

“I can’t be everywhere! I’m only human, how do you want me to be a part of a band, paint my house, spend time with my kids, with my boyfriend while living a normal life?” I asked. “I ain’t superwoman Matt. One thing at a time… I need to settle down first, then we’ll see.” I said.

“We already postponed the tour Adeline, we need to get on the road soon…” started Matt, but I cut him off.

“Is that your way of telling me to help the girls?” I asked, eyeing him suspiciously. He just shrugged, looking at the door for a second before looking back at me.

“Listen Adeline, I know you want to do it your way, you want to settle down first and try to find a way to work things out with the kids, Billy, Brian and all that shit. But we are talking about your best friends, your band mates. I know, I know, this is none of my business but I’m your big brother, you can’t really blame me…” he stated, flashing me a dimpled smile. I frowned. I hated it when he was talking like that, trying to make me go his way.

“Cha was here when you needed her, right? She offered you a place to stay and a job… Even now, years later, you know that if you need her, or any of the girls, you can call them at any hour of the day or night, right?” he asked, looking down at me as my head was resting on his shoulder. I nodded.

“So why don’t you do something for them? It will only take you, what, 3 days at the top! Not even days, more like nights… They just need you to lay down some riffs…” he added. I closed my eyes, sighing deeply.

Why the hell did he have to be so damn right all the time?
That was the least I could do, right?
It shouldn’t be too hard to record a couple of songs… That was the least I could do for my best friends, right?

“Fine! I’ll do it.” I said in a whisper. “But I’m not joining the band, I’m just helping them while the slut is too busy dragging Brian in every shop imaginable…” I added, sitting up and looking at my brother.

“And don’t you dare talk about that to the kids, I don’t want them to get their hopes up. I’m just helping, okay helping” I said, insisting on the fact that I wasn’t joining the band. Matt’s face broke into a huge grin and I felt myself pressed against his chest.

“I wonder why it matters so much…” I mumbled against his T-shirt.

“What do you mean?” he asked, finally letting me go.

“Why do you care so much?” I asked, running a hand through my hair.

“I just do.” He replied, shrugging. And I knew better than to try to push his buttons. He didn’t wanted to tell me, fine. I looked at the clock.

“Do you need me to record another lame song or am I free to go?” I asked.

“Nah, it’s good.” He said, getting the hint that I was about to leave. He got up and I did the same, grabbing my messenger bag on my way out. I followed him outside of the studio, dodging the base ball Jimmy was throwing in my direction and unlocked my car. I threw my messenger bag on the backseat and starred at my brother.

“Is there something you’re not telling me?” I asked, leaning against my car.

“No, I’m just afraid you’re going to disappear again.” He said, trying to sound casual. I closed my eyes and sighed.

“I won’t go anywhere, Matt, I can promise you that.” I whispered, wrapping my arms around my brother.

“You sure you’re okay?” he whispered.

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” I asked, my voice muffled by his T-shirt.

“About Brian and Nat…” he started but I cut him off.

“Listen Matt, Brian and I, it’s over! You don’t have to worry about me, if you want to worry, worry about your wife and your lead guitarist. Well, I’m sure Val can take care of herself, but you might want to keep Brian in line…” I said before pulling out of the hug and smiling at Johnny who was waving at me.

I blew him a kiss and got in the car.

“Where are you going now?” Matt asked.

“I think I’m going to stop at Cha’s you know, to grab some the tabs and stuff… And I might have to buy some more paint too…” I said, making a mental list at the same time.

“Why don’t you go home, sit down and watch a movie?” he asked. I raised an eyebrow.

“Matt, I have more important things to do than sitting on a couch and watching a movie. And you should go home and spend some time with your wife and kid.” I said before closing the door and rolling down the window.

“I’ll do just that then.” He said, nodding. I smiled.

“Say ‘Hi’ to Val for me, and tell her that she can call me anytime.” I said as I started the engine. “And tell my nephew I love him.” I added, turning on the stereo.

“Will do Adeline. Drive safe, and I’ll call you.” He said.

“Alright brother, talk to ya later.” I said, waving at him before driving off.

Green Day was blasting in the car during the whole drive to Cha’s house. I parked the car in the driveway and got out, locking the car.

I knocked three times before opening the front door and heading straight in the kitchen.

“Hi there!” I said. Lily squealed and jumped of the chair, running towards me. I picked her up and kissed both her cheeks before letting her go.

“So, whatcha’ making?” I asked, wrinkling my nose. Cha laughed at me, shaking her head.

“Cookies.” She said, swatting my hand as I tried to grab one from the plate. I pouted.

“What the hell are you doing here Lyn, besides trying to steal a cookie?” Cha asked, her hands on her hips.

“I came by to see my best friend?” I asked, grinning. She rolled her eyes.

“Fine… I had an interesting little chat with my brother and I came by, wondering if you had any tabs you need me to work on…” I said, rubbing my neck. She stopped what she was doing, and next thing I know, I was tackled to the ground.

“Cha!” I whined, “get off me!”

“Oh my God, really? Like, really?” she asked, still not getting off me. I rolled my eyes.

“Yes Cha, I’m going to help you recording some stuff, but that’s only if you get off me…” I mumbled, pushing her off me. She grinned, stood up and held out her hand for me, getting me back on my feet.

“Just promised me to keep it for yourself…” I said. “Well, as much as you can…” I added, knowing that the moment I was going to walk out of the door, she was going to call Ash and Jess.

“Seriously Lyn, thank you!” whispered Cha, engulfing me in a hug.

“It’s no big deal Cha, really!” I said, hugging my best friend.

“How are you holding up?” she asked, letting go of me and going back to the stove. I frowned.

“I’m good, why?” I asked, taking a sit on one of the stool.

“With the whole Nat kind of thing…” she said softly. I sighed.

“Okay, I’m going to say it one more time: I don’t care! She’s pregnant, well it’s cool! Brian’s happy, the bitch is happy, everything is fine! Why is everyone asking me how I am coping with the news? I’m happy for them really.” I said, trying not to raise my voice as Lily was watching TV in the living room.

“Well, with the incident with Celia and everything…” Cha started.

“Well, Celia is here isn’t she? And I’m certainly not jealous of Nat, she can have kids, that’s great for her. I really don’t like her you know, you can say that I hate her in a way, but not to the point where I could be jealous of her…” I explained. “She has Brian, and they are expecting a kid together, well that’s great! Brian wanted a kid with her. And I have Billy and three beautiful and terrible children whom I love from the bottom of my heart. Everything’s fine Cha, really. Stop worrying, I know Aiden is having a hard time dealing with this, but I’m fine.” I said, finishing my rant.

She said nothing, just kept looking at me, expecting me to add something. I sighed.

“What do you want me to do? Burst in tears, and smash things around me, telling everyone how unfair life is because I might never be able to have kids ever again and the bitch can? Well, yeah it’s unfair Cha, life is unfair. But I’m happy for them, really. Now stop trying to make me say things I’m not even thinking about, okay?” I said, keeping eye contact with my best friend.

“You want an other kid?” she asked in a whisper, after a few seconds of silence. I shrugged.

“It’s too difficult at the moment, with the whole moving thing, and everything… But Billy wants one. And I wouldn’t be against it, I always wanted a big family, but now isn’t the best time… And it might be a little too dangerous for me ya know.” I whispered, trying not to let my voice break. Cha walked over to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder, pressing a kiss to my temple.

“I’m sorry Lyn… I wish I could have been there last time…” she whispered, referring to one of the miscarriage. I closed my eyes, and let out a sight.

“It’s okay Cha, it’s life. Now stop with the depressing subject and fix something to eat, your man was playing baseball earlier at the studio and he’ll be hungry.” I said, kissing her cheek and patting her head.

“Are you staying for dinner?” she asked. I shook my head.

“Nah, I think I’ll head back. I’m just going to grab the tabs and stuff, I’ll give you a call when I’ll be ready to record.” I said, jumping off the stool and stealing a cookie on my way.

“The tabs are on a pile, in the living room.” She said, following me out of the kitchen. I waited near the doorway as she grabbed a pile of paper and I bit my lip. Damn…

“I know, it looks scary…” she said with a small smile. I shrugged, trying to play it cool.

“Nah, it’s cool Cha, I’ll see what I can do with it.” I said, taking the pile and putting it in my bag.

“Bye Lily!” I said, waving at the young girl who was sitting on the couch, her eyes glued on the screen.

“Bye aunty Lyn!” she said, waving. I smiled and turned to face Cha once again.

“Bye woman, I’ll keep you updated.” I said, hugging her with one arm as I was holding my bag on the other.

“See ya Lyn. Love ya!” she yelled, standing in the doorway as I was making my way to my car.

I smiled, got in the driver seat and blew her a kiss before driving off.

‘!Viva la Gloria!’ came on and a tired smile made its way on my face. I loved the song, and at first, Celia should have been named Gloria, but Billy said that I was a little too obsessed with Green Day…

I lightly tapped my fingers on the wheel as I was stopped at a red light. Kids were eating ice creams on the sidewalk with their parents. It kind of reminded me of what it could have been like, if I was with Brian or if Aiden and Billy had been getting on well since the beginning. I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to have a normal family…

With a sigh, I drove past the happy family and headed towards my lame excuse of a house.