Disasterpiece

I sat at the bus stop staring across the road vacantly, I watched the willow sway majestically in the breeze; my empty spot still there haunting me. I didn’t think about it as much nowadays, but it still got to me every now and then; and I was scared to be honest. I knew the guys had almost finished recording and then what? They would go on tour for a few years, only coming home every now and then. Between which I would be completely alone in this desolate world. I felt a tug on my sleeve, looking down next to me Griffin gave me a puzzled look.

“Whatcha looking at?” he asked naively, I grinned weakly; shaking my head.

“Nothing buddy, hey what’s say when we get to the shops I go buy you a big chocolate milkshake?” I suggested, his eyes lit up excitedly.

“I want a dinosaur donut too,” he informed me, I laughed and agreed. Griffin’s Mom had been kind enough to let Griffin stay with Corey while he finished off the rest of the album, given that they wouldn’t see much of each other when Slipknot went on tour. But seeing as the recording studio is no place for a hyperactive five year old I had been given the official babysitting day job over the last couple of months; something that didn’t bother me in the slightest. I never realised that I could enjoy the company of a child so much, maybe it was because it was Griffin or maybe in my aging years I was finally growing a motherly instinct. Whatever it was Griffin and I now had a rock solid bond fuelled with chocolate and child-like mischief.

I held Griffin’s hand tightly as we walked around the shopping centre; he walked along beside me slurping away happily on his second milkshake. We had already exhausted all the toy stores and the arcade, and the small comic book store just outside the centre; there wasn’t much more I could think of doing. We had seen all the movies at the cinemas (a feat that had left me quite broke) and even been to the local pool a few times – there just wasn’t that much to do in Des Moines. Griffin tugged at my hand suddenly; I looked down and let him pull me over to a shop window. We stopped in front of it, his hand left mine and was placed eagerly on the glass, tracing over different things he found enticing. I suppose having a Father covered in tattoos would make you somewhat interested by them.

“You want a tattoo Griff?” I joked; he looked up at me and nodded; taking my joke a little too literally.

“I want one now, I want a transformer like Sid,” he said, pointing to the top of his hand where Sid’s transformer tattoo was; I coughed uneasily.

“You’re a little too young yet, have to wait a few years; not to mention your Dad would probably kill me,” I explained. Griffin pouted, turned on his heel and marched himself into the tattoo parlour, I quickly followed him in, trying to grab the back of his hoodie before he made it – but he beat me. I stopped in the entrance and watched him walk straight up to the front desk, a look of determination on his face. The guy behind the desk raised his eyebrow, looking down at griffin he smiled at him.

“Hey matey what’s up?” he asked Griffin kindly, it was impossible not to find Griffin demeanour amusing.

“I want a tattoo,” Griffin told him firmly, the guy laughed and looked up at me briefly.

“Is that so? And what does you Mom think?” the guy asked him, looking towards me again. Griffin followed his gaze and shook his head.

“That’s not my Mom that’s my Aunty and she says yes,” Griffin lied coolly. I spluttered a few times, stepping forward towards him.

“Wow, wow no I didn’t,” I choked out fearfully; my heart raced a second faster than usual. Griffin glared at me for giving away his lie; the guy behind the desk pursed his lips in thought for a second and then winked at me.

“Alright little guy let’s give you a tattoo,” he said, Griffin squealed happily, pushing his empty milkshake into my hands he ran around the desk and sat himself in the tattoo chair. I gaped a few times lost for words, the guy leaned over the counter and told me to trust him; well what could I say? I slowly walked around the back and leant myself against the wall, watching mistrustfully for the first sign that this was a bad idea – then I would grab Griffin and run like hell.

Griffin told the guy what he wanted and the guy showed him some transformer pictures from an album he had stacked up in the corner. He photocopied Griffin’s choice and resized it to fit on his small hand; I still held my breath apprehensively until I saw him start to load up an airbrush gun; testing it a few times on a piece of paper. I sighed in relief and relaxed, no longer feeling the need to watch like a hawk. Instead I turned away and walked slowly along the walls, looking at all the designs; some of which I couldn’t believe someone had actually drawn. Tattoo designs were amazing; you could go from the simplest lettering and cartoons to the most detailed of portraits and animal prints.

I glanced back at the pair when I heard the gun start up, Griffin was watching mesmerised as the black ink stained his skin. I smiled, knowing that to him it meant becoming more like his Father and the other guys he looked up to; he wasn’t going to stop bragging for weeks, I could tell. Turning back to the wall I began to look aimlessly at the design again when I froze, one particular design knocking everything out of me. Now I’ve never had a tattoo before, never really seriously considered getting one, but suddenly it made sense for me to have one; the whole ‘everything happens for a reason’ mentality had led me to this moment right now.

I ran my fingers over the design lightly; if I got this would it be a way to ease the impending loneliness? It would mean I would still have a part of that which had been stolen from me, even if it was more symbolic than literal. I bit my lip, where would I get it though?

I sat with my chest pressed to the back of the chair, my bare back exposed behind me. Griffin sat on the chair directly opposite me beaming as he looked between me and the transformer print on his hand. I felt slightly nauseous, the guy said I was the first person to choose out that design as he had only come up with it recently; it made me feel so much better that he had never practised it before on someone else’s skin. I had decided to get it on the lower half of my back, to the left side; the design was already drawn on I was just waiting for him to load up the gun. Griffin suddenly stood up and made his way over to the shopping bags, grabbing my purse he wafted through it and drew out my cell.

“What are you doing?” I asked him wearily. He grinned mischievously at me, sitting back down on his chair he started to press a few buttons. “Griffin,” I warned, I would’ve got up and taken the phone from him but I knew if I stood now besides the fact that if I actually managed to get to my feet because my legs felt like jelly – they would probably just keep walking right on out of here. Just as Griffin held the phone up to his ear the guy came up behind me and asked if I was ready – I nodded weakly without taking my eyes off my devious nephew.

“Dad guess what?!” Griffin said excitedly into the phone as the gun started up behind me. “I just got a tattoo and Aunty V is getting one now!” he added. I couldn’t mistake Corey’s loud “What?!” even when the searing pain hit me.

“The gun just started got to go bye,” Griffin said before hanging up on Corey; who I knew would probably be having a heart attack right about now – I made a mental note to call him when I was done.

We walked out of the parlour, I was somewhat more stiff than I had been when I entered; Griffin on the other hand was dancing around beside me.

“You’re a wimp mine didn’t hurt at all,” Griffin said as I limped along beside him. I had every mind to tell him he didn’t get a real tattoo, but I didn’t want the chance of him running back in there and demanding another. We made our way through the centre again and towards the bus stops, Griffin sat down on the bench but I decided that standing was probably the better option for me at the moment.

“Hey you got my cell Griff?” I remembered, hoping that Corey had magically decided to ignore his son’s call. Griffin pulled my cell from his jeans pocket and held it up; I took it from him and found that he had turned it off. When I turned it back on I was bombarded by fifteen missed calls and six text messages – all along the same line of ‘what the fuck is going on call me right now’. I sighed, finding Corey’s number in my contacts listed I pressed call and brought the phone to my ear.

“About fucking time, what the hell is going on?!” Corey yelled from the other end panic stricken.

“Calm down man, everything is fine – Griff and I just went to a tattoo parlour,” I explained, I didn’t really want to tell him that Griffin’s tattoo was temporary when the little sucker was listening attentively to the conversation.

“A tattoo parlour? You got tattoos?” Corey asked wearily.

“Yes,” I answered simply.

“Real ones?” he asked slowly.

“I did,” I replied, saying it out loud felt strange – made it more real somehow. Holy fuck, I really did just get a tattoo; I knew Josie was going to have a few things to say about it.

“You got a tattoo, seriously?” he asked incredulously; it wasn’t a shock because I was scared of needles or anything, I suppose it was just the fact that I’d never seemed to have any interest in getting one before.

“Yes seriously,” I sighed.

“And Griffin?” he asked; I knew this is what he was most worried about.

“Yes him too, but it’s nothing to worry about you’ll see what I mean later,” I explained, hoping that he would get the hint.

“I want to see now, come here,” he whined, I snorted; such a child.

“I don’t have a car,” I said.

“Get a taxi – I’ll pay,” he replied; I sighed, knowing that I didn’t have a choice in the matter.

“Fine we’ll be there…not soon cause you guys are in the middle of nowhere,” I agreed. We said goodbye and I hung up the phone. “Come on Griff we’re going to see the guys, you can show off your tattoo,” I said to Griffin; he got up quickly and we headed over to the taxi ranks to find a driver who actually felt like a long distance trip.

I wasn’t even fully out of the car door when Corey came running down from the studio house to greet us. He quickly shoved his credit card at the driver before grabbing my shoulders and giving me a once over.

“Where is it?” he demanded, his eyes scanning my arms. I laughed and pushed his hands away from me; Griffin jumped out of the car at that moment and ran over to Corey.

“Look at my tattoo Dad and Aunty V got one on her back and she’s cool like you now,” Griffin said in one breath, holding up his hand to show Corey. Corey examined the print and smiled; ruffling Griffin’s hair.

“Looks cool my little man - you copied Sid,” Corey noted, I couldn’t tell if he was slightly hurt by this, I mean his son had copied his friends tattoo over his.

“Transformers are cool, is Sid here?!” Griffin asked excitedly, literally bouncing on the balls of his feet. Corey pointed to the house and Griffin went tearing up the stairs, disappearing inside as he yelled out Sid’s name. The taxi driver handed Corey back his credit card, thanked him and drove away. Corey put the card in his wallet and turned back to me, crossing his arms.

“Alright let’s see the damage,” he said in a tone someone might use to get someone else to fess up to an atrocity. I rolled my eyes and turned my back on him, lifting up my shirt so he could see my latest addition. “Fuck it’s big, but it looks awesome,” Corey commented. I let my shirt fall back down and turned around to face him.

“Thanks I guess,” I replied.

“Why that though?” he asked as we both started walking up to the house together. I bit my lip and shrugged; I didn’t feel like getting too overly sentimental with Corey at the moment.

“When we lived together there was a willow outside my room that looked like this,” I explained, Corey paused thinking for a moment and nodded.

“I remember, that was a huge motherfucker,” he pondered.

“Yeah,” I laughed uneasily. “Well hey at least I can fit in with all of you inked guys now,” I added lightly; Corey snorted as we came to the end of the hallway and into the sunroom.

“Not all of us have tattoos; Joey’s Mom jokes about it all the time,” Corey replied, I nodded; but paused. Corey stopped to see why I had stopped walking, giving me a confused look. Why suddenly did it seem important to hear about Joey’s mom? I felt my chest tensing up, like when you’re really angry but you can’t yell or say anything and it just keeps building up inside until you get this massive headache and feel like completely destroying everything around you.

Joey’s Mom…

Joey’s Mom…

Joey’s…

“What is a girl like you doing in a cemetery, you didn’t exactly look like you were visiting anyone…the whole empty grave in front of you and everything?” he asked, I gripped the pools edge until I could feel the little engrained pebbles digging into my skin, since when are guys that observant anyway? I knew that there was no way in hell I was going to tell him my real reason for been there, but he had just ripped my backup plan from under my feet.

“Corey and I use to live in the house next door…since I can’t exactly go and sit in the backyard I just look over at it from the cemetery,” I breathed out quickly, it wasn’t a lie either; it just wasn’t the real reason I was at the cemetery.

“Oh,” Joey said, I couldn’t mistake the disappointment in his voice this time; but why?

“What about you, what business does a rock star have in a lowly cemetery?” I asked, Joey rolled his eyes and picked up his beer. After sculling the rest of the contents he stood and looked down at me, I noticed that his pupils were still affected from the nights weed binge.

“I was visiting my Mom,” he said.

Joey’s Mom was alive. So why would he be visiting his Mom at a cemetery? It suddenly clicked. Everything. I felt stupid – why hadn’t I put it together before?! Guys are never the observant, a normal person wouldn’t be that observant! I could feel my face going red, Corey stepped back fearfully; I could see his mouth moving asking me something but I couldn’t hear him; all I could hear were the string of profanities been screamed in my head.

BASTARD ROCKSTAR!