Disasterpiece

I suppose it’s lucky my last encounter with Joey didn’t lift my spirits, as they would’ve come crashing down again pretty quickly. I did my best to stay out of his way for the next two weeks, at shows I never went into the green room and I made sure to eat lunch at odd alternating times. Sometimes I watched half of Slipknots set, but I lurked behind roadies and tech guys so I wasn’t visible from the stage and left before the guys came off so I didn’t bump into him. He still seemed cold and down about something, on the very rare occasions that we passed each in the hall or something, he would smile quickly and falsely at me, drop his eyes and scuttle away. Part of me just wanted to grab him by the shoulder’s and shake him until he snapped out from under the black cloud he was permanently stuck under.

To add to my current bleak life, today was my birthday. Yep, thirty fucking years old – how sucky was that?! Here I was with thirty years under my belt and still nothing to show for it. I had almost expected to wake up and find myself unable to get out of bed because of a broken hip or frail bones; but I was able to leap out of bed the moment my eyes popped open and run over to the mirror to inspect my face. At least no wrinkles had magically appeared.

Coincidently the guys didn’t have a show to do today, but as far as I knew there were no plans for the day as I had specifically avoided asking anyone if they wanted to do something. So I got changed into some casual clothes, not expecting anything to come of the day and decided to call Uncle Frank since Josie hadn’t returned from her ‘sleep over’ with Sid.

I pulled my cell from my bag and dialled Uncle Frank’s number; come to think of it I wasn’t even sure what time it was there. It rang out with no answer so I assumed it was a ridiculous time in the morning, I was positive I would hear from him later with birthday wishes anyway. Sliding my phone into my jeans I headed towards the door to go find some breakfast when it burst open and Josie ran in squealing. She tackled me to the ground and started planting kisses all over my forehead.

“Happy freaking birthday bestie!” she screamed between kisses. I laughed and pushed her off me.

“I thought we agreed the other night not to mention the existence of my birthday?” I asked. She snorted, pulling herself to her feet.

“Yeah right, I had my fingers crossed anyway!” she replied, holding out her hand she helped pull me up beside her. “So what’s the plan for today?” she asked excitedly, rubbing her hands together.

“Um, nothing?” I suggested, knowing full well that it wasn’t even close to an option. She snorted again and tapped her chin.

“Hmm,” she pondered. “Hmm, hmmmmmmmmmmm.”

“Whatever you’re planning better not involve me being humiliated in some way,” I told her; suspicious that she already had a plan and was overdramatising her thought process for a reason. She just laughed and winked at me.

“No humiliation,” she said. “Buuutttt…you have to succumb to my every desire today.”

“Shouldn’t it be the other way around given it’s my birthday?” I asked with a smile.

“You don’t even want it to be your birthday, so therefore you forfeit any right to choose what to do,” she explained. I went to refute her point on the basis that if I didn’t want it to be my birthday and I didn’t get to choose what to do even though it was my birthday, then I was losing all out; when Corey came barraging through the door.

“Happy birthday to you, you’re thirty boo-hoo, you look like a monkey’s buuuutttt and you smell like one too!” he sang loudly, grabbing me tightly he pulled me into a giant bear hug. “My little sister’s all grown up!” he fake cried into my shoulder. I laughed and pushed away from him.

“You’re such a dick,” I grinned.

“I do my best,” he replied, batting his eyelashes.

“Alright funs over,” Josie said, grabbing my arm. “We’re having a girl’s day and you’re not invited,” she told Corey as she poked out her tongue; he held his chest in pretend pain.

“Fine! Leave me!” he replied over dramatically.

“We will!” Josie sang; she pulled me around Corey and over to the door. I looked back and him and waved.

“Be home before dark!” he called jokingly as we disappeared from sight.

If Josie did have a plan, it seemed more to be to keep me away from the hotel for as long as possible than to actually do anything. We had had breakfast in a little quaint café, then proceeded to a shopping mall where we saw a movie, had lunch then walked around in and out of shops; it sort of reminded me of how I tried to waste time the last time I was at a mall.

“Aw look at this bunny, it’s so fluffy!” she squealed, running up to a massive plush bunny she jumped on it and began to hug it. I groaned and rolled my eyes, my feet were starting to hurt and I was getting tired (a factor I attributed to old age and predicting I would be doomed to the afternoon nanna nap from now on).

“Can we go now?” I whined for the umpteenth time. Josie glanced at her watch and shook her head.

“Nope, lots more to see!” she replied, pushing herself away from the bunny.

“We’re in a shopping mall that’s pretty much the same as every other mall in the whole goddamn world – how much more could there be to see?!” I exclaimed in irritation. She laughed, grabbed my hand and started pulling again without saying anything. I was almost certain she was up to something.

“Hey I have a question,” I said, stopping in my track; she turned around and cocked her head. “What’s skinny, perky and irritating me?” I quipped, doing my best to glare at her.

“Ummm…your reflection?” she suggested with an innocent smile. I huffed, sticking my tongue out. Her smile turned into an apologetic one and she loosened her grip a little on my hand.

“I promise we’ll go soon ok?” she said; I rolled my eyes but nodded.

“Fine!” I breathed in exasperation.

Her ‘soon’ turned out to be about half an hour, which I could deal with because we filled it with racing each other to see who could set off the most toys in the toy department first. I pawned her. We were currently sitting in a taxi on our way back to the hotel; Josie was tapping her fingers and staring out the window while I observed her obvious distraction. While the last bit of the day had got tedious, the rest of it was actually pretty good; I loved hanging out with Josie one-on-one and talking about stupid girl stuff – but it didn’t go past me that the whole ordeal seemed staged.

We pulled up to the hotel, making Josie jump.

“Are you alright?” I laughed at her, she smiled and quickly handed the driver some money as we got out. We grabbed the few shopping bags we did have from the boot and headed up the entrance stairs into the foyer, in the corner of my eye I could see Josie start to get all jittery and shake.

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked as we passed the bell boy and walked towards the list.

“What? Nothing,” she replied shortly. She suddenly stopped and looked down at her watch. “Ahhh, ummm…shit follow me!” she blurted out, turning she ran towards the hotel restaurant. I would’ve called after her to ask her what she was doing, but I could tell she was in a run-and-don’t-answer-questions kind of mood. I dashed after her in confusion, through the restaurant and towards some large double doors which she disappeared through. I slowed down my pace as I approached them, weary of her running reasoning. I stopped into front of them and looked around the restaurant, no one seemed to be paying any attention or giving any indication that it was odd to go inside. I sighed and slipped through the doors.

“SURPRISE!” was screamed at me by a multitude of voices. I backed up against the door and held my breath in shock. Turns out the doors led to a function room which was decked out with red and black balloons and happy birthday banners. In front of my stood a bunch of familiar faces all looking very proud of themselves for managing to scare me.

“Just like old times!” Paul exclaimed happily as he came up and hugged me. I was still too shocked to move though. He let me go and stepped aside as one-by-one the rest of the crew wished me a happy birthday. There were tech guys, merch girls, roadies and of course all of Slipknot (bar Joey strangely enough) present. By the time Corey and Josie got to me at the end I had managed to recover from most of the shock.

“Bitches,” I muttered at them with a grin. They laughed and pulled me into a group hug.

“We know how to get your heart racing,” Josie joked. Pulling away she took my shopping bags from my hand.

“I’ll put these over with the presents,” she said, walking away towards a gift table loaded with boxes wrapped in multi-coloured paper. I turned to Corey and gave him a big hug of my own, knowing he must’ve set this up today while Josie was on distraction duty.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“You deserve it,” he replied happily. “Let’s party!” he added, pulling me into the crowd as some music started up.

I’d never felt so special before, regardless of the fact that the celebrations were for a birthday I didn’t want – I was so taken aback by the amount of people that had come and wanted to talk to me and spend their time celebrating my existence, it was amazing! Corey and Josie had done a spectacular job, not just with the decorations but also with organising the food and drinks, I didn’t imagine it would’ve come cheap.

After a long conversation with some of the other merch girls I excused myself to get a drink for my parched mouth. I ordered from the bar, got my vodka sunrise and stood against the wall watching the dance floor light up. Josie and Sid were particularly getting into it, trying their best to break dance and cha-cha. I chuckled at their antics and took a long swig from my glass.

It was then that I noticed one of the double doors inch open and Joey slide slyly into the room. His eyes darted around nervously as he slunk over to the gift table and placed a small wrapped box and card on top of some other presents. He looked at the gift for a moment, then turned and started to make his way out of the room again. As much as I hadn’t wanted to talk to him, I couldn’t let him leave after he’d done something so nice (though I had no idea why he would bother when we weren’t necessarily on speaking terms). I put my drink down and hurried over to him, my heart rate increasing with every step. Just as he was about to step out I tapped him on the shoulder. He spun with fear on his face, then relaxed a little when he realised it was just me.

“Hey,” I greeted as quietly as I could over the music.

“Hey,” he replied apprehensively. I bit my lip and pointed at the gift table over my shoulder.

“You didn’t have to do that,” I told him, referring to him buying me a gift. He shrugged and let his lips pull up at the corners just slightly.

“It’s nothing really,” he said, pushing his hands deep into his pockets. I eyed him for moment; he still had the same gloomy aura only this time there was a twitchy uneasiness added too. I shuffled on the spot awkwardly.

“Why don’t you join us?” I suggested, dipping my head in the direction of the dance floor. His eyes darted over to the festivities before he shook his head definitely.

“Nah I’m fine,” he said; I swear there was a twinkle in his eye that said he wasn’t and he really did want to join the party. So what was stopping him? My heart was continuing to speed along as we talked and the more I had to push the conversation the harder it had to work, but I couldn’t just let him go, not after he’d made the effort to get me a gift.

“Just one drink with me, please?” I tried; he sighed and looked to the ground. I knew he wanted to but something was stopping him. “Just one then you can go,” I told him. He looked up at me, his eyes glassy.

“Ok,” he agreed in a voice so small that it was barely audible. I took what I could get though, and started to walk with him to the bar.

That’s when everything went to hell.

The doors flung open behind us and in strutted a girl I recognised from backstage a couple of weeks ago, the girl who had made Corey swear under his breath. Joey’s eyes widened as she spotted him and marched over.

“Joey what are you doing?” she snapped when she reached us. He took a step towards her, but it was more like a step between me and her, like he was shielding me from her.

“What are you doing here? I told you I’d be back soon,” he hissed at her; I could see he was visibly shaking, but more from fear than anger.

“Well I wanted to see what you were up to,” she replied matter-of-factly, like she had every right to do so. “Who is this?” she added rudely, poking her head around at me.

“No one let’s go,” Joey said quickly, he went to grab her and pull her away but she dodged his grasp and came up to me.

“I’m Abbey, you are?” she said to me. I was stunned by her abrasiveness and I-can-do-whatever-I-please attitude and found it hard to reply.

“This is VJ, now let’s go,” Joey interrupted, attempting again to pull her away. She slapped his hand away and looked me up and down, her nose turning up.

“VJ…doesn’t the like stand for vagina?” she asked spitefully, with a vulgar smile on her face.

“Abbey!” Joey shouted as out of nowhere Corey appeared by my side.

“What the fuck are you two doing here?” Corey roared at them, I was then able to guess why Joey had been so hesitant about being here; Corey must’ve told him not to come.

“Corey I invited him,” I said as Joey recoiled a little under Corey’s wrath.

“I can be wherever the fuck I want,” Abbey said snidely to him. Corey looked like someone had slapped him in the face, I could see his temple pulsing.

“You! You should be fucking in hell, get the fuck out of here!” he screamed at her.

“Corey!” I gasped in shock. I mean, I got that he was being protective of me about the whole Joey thing and this Abbey came across as a massive bitch, but that was no reason to yell at her like that. The rest of the room seemed to be looking on now; the music was still going but all eyes on us.

“You cannot be defending her!” he said in absolute shock.

“Why?” I asked, completely confused by the fiasco.

“Don’t you know who she is?” he asked like I was purposely ignorant. I gave him a blank stare and shook my head.

“I’m his girlfriend, bitch,” Abbey interrupted.

“Ex-girlfriend,” Joey corrected her darkly, she rolled her eyes.

“I was the ex-girlfriend, now I’m the girlfriend again,” she re-corrected him.

I almost choked. Everything in the room started to spin except Joey’s face, his eyes dropped shamefully to the ground; he looked completely disgraced by himself. I couldn’t even begin put into words what ran through my head. Mostly it was ‘how could he?’ but then there was ‘why would he?’ and after everything he went through to try and get over her, after the whole incident at his house, after the grave, after the alcohol and pills…after all of that and he ended up back at the start again.

I placed my hand over my mouth and shook my head over and over; I could feel tears running down my cheeks. He looked up again and we stared at each other, almost like we were communicating all our feelings in the one long glance. He was a wreck, but I didn’t know if I could feel sorry for him, I didn’t know why he would put himself through that all over again. God, his weird demeanour lately made so much sense.

I started to back away, still holding my hand over my mouth and shaking my head –willing it all to be a bad dream. He frowned, looking like he wanted to cry too. I swallowed the gasps of shock that wanted to leave me and fled. I turned and ran towards a single door on the other side of the room, throwing it open I continued to run through and down into an alley way. I didn’t want to go any further than this so I fell against the bricks of the hotel and onto the ground, finally letting out the gapping sobs.

I heard the door open again and some footsteps came over to me and stopped. I didn’t look up as someone sat next to me and wrapped their arms around me.

“Shh it’s ok,” Josie soothed gently, rubbing my back. I shook my head and continued to sob. It wasn’t ok; it wasn’t ok that I had feelings for Joey and I wasn’t ok that he was back with his ex who almost killed him and it wasn’t ok that I felt like I had driven him to do that. Nothing was ok.

My phone started to ring in my pocket, but I had no desire to answer it.

“Let me,” Josie whispered. She let go of me and pulled the cell from my jeans, I brought my knees up to my chest and curled up.

“Hello?” she answered. There was a long pause before she said anything else, whoever was on the end had a lot to say.

“What?!” she cried out weakly, I looked up sharply to see her eyes go wide and tears start to roll down her cheeks. She stood up and turned away from me, her face was pained and I could tell she was trying to hold it together. Whatever she was being told was not good news. She said good bye to the person on the other end and turned to me, she was shaking, literally shaking and more tears were coming out.

“I’m so sorry V, I’m so so sorry,” she cried, staring down at me. I looked up at her, holding my breath; not sure I even wanted to know what she did; not sure my body could handle it.

“I’m so sorry,” she repeated. “Uncle Frank…Uncle Frank…he’s dead,” she got out. That was the last thing I remember, my body really couldn’t handle it as I collapsed into blackness.