She's a Bullet in Russian Roulette

Okay, so maybe I asked for it. I was being a little creepy, following Ian around all day. Trailing him and his hooker. Attempting not to gag at the cotton candy smells radiating from her.
Its horrible to smell things like that with an animal’s nose! Horrible I tell you. Its like, a hundred times worse. Ian probably thought it was sexy. Well, not if he had a god damn snout attached to his face, he wouldn’t have.
Jesus, what a skank. They met once and hung out all day? Went to a movie and everything? What the hell is this shit? I’ve been trying to hang out with Ian all damn week, and all I get is him gripping my nasty sweaty hand, that he obviously does not find cute. You know what? Whatever. She can have him. I don’t care.
My phone instantly started buzzing. I waited for it to stop at the second buzz, indicating I had just received a text. But, it didn’t. I was getting a phone call. Great. I’m really in the mood to talk on the fucking phone right now. I leaned over the side of my bed and picked up my phone. “Ian Calling” HA! Wonderful. Just great.
I clicked answer, trying to sound normal, “Hello?”
“Hey, I was just checking on you. You feeling okay?”
Awe, how sweet, “Um yeah. I’m fine. I just had complications with my stomach and what not.”
“Oh, well that sucks. Maybe we can hang out tomorrow?”
“Yeah, that sounds.. Fun.”
“Are you alright?”
“Yes Ian. I just told you I was.” I snapped a little irritably.
“Is there any chance these stomach complications can be related to your Aunt Flo visiting?” He asked.
I laughed slightly, “Shut up Ian.”
“Oh my God! I have to tell you something!”
“What?”
“So I was dropping off a friend at her house and I saw this GINORMOUS wolf standing off to the side of one of the trees in her yard! It looked so pissed. I almost crapped myself. I high tailed it home, because once I saw it, it disappeared. And I was all freaked out that it was following me or some shit.”
A friend? Jesus. Can’t he just saw, “I was sucking face with some girl and then I saw this big dog..” Well, at least he didn’t call me a dog. I hate it when people refer to me as a dog. It makes me so freaking mad. Dogs are gross and slobbery. Wolves are pretty and graceful. And why the fuck would I take my time to follow his dumb ass home?! I was already halfway down the street by the time that ass much decided to get off his woman. God, whatever.
“Aeeeeeeeeron..” Ian’s singing my name in the phone brought me down from my mad space.
“Sorry. I was just thinking about something.”
“About what?”
“What friend were you dropping off?”
“What do you mean?”
“Dude, chic? Date?”
“Um, it was just a chic who was a friend.”
“Did you kiss her good night?”
“No, I don’t recall.”
Fucking liar!!! “Oh, because my dad knows a lot about wolves. And he says that they are sensitive to romance. So, if you kissed this girl good night, it may have pissed the wolf off a little bit. You never kiss in front of a wolf.”
“Are you serious?”
I grinned to myself. Ha. This is what he gets. “Of course I’m serious Ian. I would never lie to you. Lying to someone is one of the biggest ass hole things you can do to someone. And I don’t classify myself as an ass hole to be quite honest with you.”
“Well, I don’t classify you as an ass hole either. That’s just weird. I have never heard of that before.”
“Yeah, my dad is sometimes an eccentric freak. But, I did some research on the internet and found this to be true. So, I’m rolling with it.”
“Your rolling with it?”
“Yes Ian. Rolling.”
“Well, Miss Aeron. Are we going to hang out anytime soon?”
“Yeah, I’ll work on fitting you into my schedule.”
He chuckled, “Your schedule?”
“Yeah, its sitting on all my important business files as of this moment, which is approximately three feet away from the foot of my bed.”
“So, you can’t reach it?”
“Nope. And I don’t feel like getting up and getting it either.” I sighed, “But, I could always make myself a mental note.”
“You would do that for me?” He said, mock excitement.
“I would do absolutely anything for you.”
“Okay. How about tomorrow at noon?”
“Sounds great to me. Where and what?”
“Um, well since you don’t like movies.. We could go swimming? Paintballing? Boondocks? You choose. You’re the lady.”
“Hmm, those all sound rather tempting. I will have to sleep on that one.”
“Okay then. I will talk to you later. Night Aer.”
“Night Ian. Sleep good. Don’t let the bed bugs bite!”
“Actually, I think biting is a little sexy.” He joked.
“Good night Ian.” I smiled.

I clicked the off button to my phone.
If he thought biting was sexy.. He’d just love what I want to do to his little friend in the David Bowie shirt.