Metus

“Did you get it?” I asked.

“Yeah.” Said Tom. “She left it on accident.”

Georg shrugged. “I doubt it was an accident. Maybe she want s you to read it?”

“It wouldn’t have made a difference, they would have read it anyway.” Countered Gustav, who was sitting on the couch, reading boredly.

I rolled my eyes and yanked the small green notebook out of Tom’s outstretched hands and opened it to the first page.

“It’s a poem…” I mumbled and began to read it aloud.
“Take a bit of this poisonous Apple my pretty
You fall to the ground, what a shame, such a pity
When the clock strikes twelve
You’d better run fast
Only to fall and lose your slipper made of glass
Locked up in a tower with nowhere to hide
Long hair cut away
The longer you cried
Fallen asleep for a whole lifetime to pass
Waiting for someone, waiting for him at last
But will Dear Charming come to your side?
Will he give you a kiss?
Not this time, sweetheart, he does not exist.
This fairytale is starting to fade, none of this is real.
Stop dreaming princess, it’s just too surreal.
So lay down, and remind yourself why you can’t win this fight.
Goodnight, farewell, and sleep tight.”
“That’s kind of dark.”

“We already know Lor has a dark mind.” I said, trying to convince myself that it was to be expected. I didn’t quite know why, but the poem made me feel uneasy. I started reading again.

“Everything was blurry and light, as if it were a dream. Where was my home? This is nowhere I'd been before, I didn't like it. There were these . . . things here. Angry things, jealous things, greedy things. They frightened me but. . . I felt something else too. I could not see thins something, but I knew it was there. Watching, waiting, and judging. Somehow I thought this something would take me somewhere safe and away from the angry things. It made me want to obey this something; to touch it, to talk to it, to be comforted by it. I had no sense of time here, so I did not notice when another came to join my something. It was shiny, this other thing. I knew it was like the angry things, or the angry things were like it, but I also knew that they were not the same. It was innocent, afraid, but not angry. I was afraid. Afraid that I'd become like the greedy things, for the envy I felt for my something was so strong! I wanted it. I wanted it more than anything I'd ever wanted. I felt that this shiny thing was mine once, so I deserved to have it back. My something told me not to touch it, that it didn't belong here. Someone was waiting for it. But it was mine!”

No one spoke. Coldness seemed to emanate from the words, stabbing painfully at my chest and spreading through my bones to my fingers and toes. Then Lor walked in.

“Hey guys, I forgot--“

She stopped in her tracks, staring at the small green notebook that lay in my outstretched hands, open. It seemed like hours we all stood there. None of us moved, even our breathing sounded unnecessarily loud.

After what seemed like forever, Lor came and took the notebook from me, putting it in her bag without breaking eye contact. What I saw in those liquid eyes nearly made me shatter. There was curiosity in them, but also betrayal and sadness, and the smallest bit of fear. She left silently.

“What have we done?”

I stood silently outside her hotel door. It was around three a.m. and I could hear her sleeping beyond the door. For no rational reason, I wanted to be there when she awoke. I wanted to see the surprise in her eyes melt away to happiness for a moment, and then the fear I saw earlier. I wanted to tell her it was OK; that I didn’t think any differently of her. I slowly opened the unlocked door and walked in.

The room was dark, but I could see well enough to make it through the room. I made sure to be extra quiet when passing the door that joined Lor and Lexi’s rooms, and reached the end of the bed where the little couch was. Lor stirred.

“Who is it?” she mumbled groggily, turning on the bedside lamp. Her expression changed when she saw me. I was right to think that it would be fear that I saw in her eyes.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”
It was quiet, and Lor sat up.

“Lor…” I mumbled, trying to gather my words. “I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have looked in your notebook.”

“You think I’m creepy.” She stated. The bitterness in her voice scared me. “Figures.”

I sat on the edge of her bed, not saying anything for a long while. I couldn’t meet her gaze, instead occupying myself with staring at me feet. A small drop of liquid splashed on the floor and I looked up to see Lor was crying.

“Oh come one, Lor, don’t cry! It’s not so bad, it’s just one of your quirks.”

She laughed dryly, there was no emotion in it. Without quite knowing what I was doing, I reached up and wiped her cheek with the back of my hand. She gasped in surprise, but did not look away. Our eyes met, and a moment later our lips did too.

She fell asleep in my arms.