Love Is a Losing Game

Angie hadn’t really slept. Not for long anyway. Her mind had been kept busy all night with thoughts about what she was going to do. She lay in bed, her hands resting gently on her stomach, a sickening feeling building. Deep down she knew that an abortion would always be the last thing she would ever consider doing. But she also knew that she couldn’t lose Brian. She loved him more than anything and was willing to do whatever it took to stay with him. It may take some time but she would come to terms with it.

She glanced across at the clock realising it was time to get up. After having a quick shower and getting dressed in clothes that Aly had leant her and made her way down into the kitchen where Matt quickly stopped talking as she walked in.

“You don’t have to stop talking just because I’ve walked into the room.” Angie muttered with a feigned smile as she sat down at the table next to him.

“Sorry.” He muttered blushing slightly.

“You okay Hun?” Aly asked quietly.

“Not really no.” she replied simply and truthfully.

“Brian called about ten minutes ago.” Aly stated nervously.

“Is he okay?” she asked quietly.

“He’s just worried about you. He’s um, coming over.” She replied, Angie’s eyes suddenly meeting hers.

“He wants to go with you this morning.” Matt told her placing his large hand on top of her smaller one.

“To make sure I get rid of it.” she muttered glancing down at her stomach.

“No sweetie, to make sure you’re okay. he loves you remember.” Aly said with an assuring smile as there was a soft knock at the door.

“I’ll get it.” Matt said standing quietly from the table.

“You okay, I’ll tell Matt to keep him in there if you wanna?” Aly offered but Angie shook her head.

“No, it’s okay.” she whispered.

“Angie?” Brian’s voice was quiet and shaky.

“I’ll leave you two to it.” Aly said with an assuring smile as she stood from the table.

“Angie, I’m sorry. I’ve been selfish.” He said as he sat in the seat Amy had just vacated.

“No Bri, you haven’t. You’re upset and I understand.” She replied turning to face him.

“But I shouldn’t be letting you go through any of this on your own. And you’re not going to have to from now on.” He replied taking hold of her hand.

“I’m scared Bri. I don’t want to do any of this on my own.” she told him, a small tear escaping her eyes.

“You don’t have to anymore babe I promise. I’m going to be here for you and support you. I love you, no matter what.” he replied reaching up to wipe the tear off her soft cheek.

“My appointment’s in twenty minutes.” She replied.

“Okay, you ready to go?” he asked standing up.

“Yeah I guess.” She replied following suit.

*~*

“Angela Norton?” the nurse called out, glancing around the clinic’s waiting room.

“Yeah.” Angie called back quietly as she stood, Brian’s hand clamped around hers.

“Follow me please.” The nurse said with a polite smile, turning to head back through the double doors she’d not long come through. “You’re here to have a scan first of all aren’t you?”

“Yeah, the doctor said I should check how far a long I am first.” She replied with a small nod.

“Okay, if you’d like to lower your waistband and raise your top and lay down on the bed there please.” She said indicating the examination table next to which was an ultrasound machine. Letting go of Brian’s hand she did as she was asked and climbed onto the table, Brian taking a seat next to her.

She took a deep breath as the nurse left the room and closed her eyes as she felt Brian take hold of her hand again.

“Good morning Miss Norton, I’m Doctor Bradshaw.” The gentle female voice caused her to open her eyes.

“Hi.” She said meekly.

“Okay, so you want to find out exactly how far gone you are in with the pregnancy before we do anything else.” She said as she sat down next to the ultrasound machine.

“Yeah that’s right.” she replied quietly.

“Right, let’s have a look then.” She said as she applied the cold gel to her lower stomach.
Angie closed her eyes again, not wanting to see the image that was on the screen. she felt Brian’s lips brush softly against the back of her hand.

Suddenly the room was filled with the sound of the baby’s heartbeat and her eyes snapped open, staring at the screen, a tear running down her cheek. It was suddenly real.

“That’s, that’s m-my ba-baby.” She whispered, tears streaming down her face.

“It is yes.” the doctor replied with a small smile as Angie tilted her head to get a better view of the screen. “And judging my it’s size, I would say that you’re about seven or eight weeks, and growing very healthily.”

Angie couldn’t do anything more but nod as she continued to stare at the screen.

“Okay, I’ll leave you two to talk for five minutes.” She said with a polite smile as she stood from her chair.

Both Angie and Brian were still and silent for a long moment, both lost in thought as they stared at the screen where the image of the baby had been.

“Don’t do it.” Angie turned her head abruptly at the sound of Brian’s word.

“But…”

“No, no buts. Don’t go through with this, I know it’s not what you really want to do. Don’t do it.” he replied.

“But what about you and me? You said you didn’t think you could be with me if I was carrying his baby.” She asked quietly.

“I know, but I love you more that I hate him. And I saw the look on your face when you saw the baby on the screen.” he told her.

“I won’t lose you?” she asked her voice shaky.

“No babe. I’m staying if you’ll keep me after I was a complete jerk yesterday.” He said.

“Of course I want to keep you. And I understand your behaviour yesterday. You were in shock and you were hurt.” She replied.

“That’s no excuse babe, I should never had tried to make you chose between me and the baby. It’s not the baby’s fault, so if you don’t want to go through with this then we’ll do this together and the baby will grow up with me as a father.” He replied.

“Do you really mean that?” she asked, a small smile tugging at her lips.

“Yeah, I do. I love you so much and I can’t let this come between us. I don’t want you going through with this and then living to regret it and then blaming me and to be honest I couldn’t live with the guilt.” He replied softly just as Doctor Bradshaw re-entered the room.

“Okay, so if you’re ready we can take you into a treatment room.” she said with a brief smile.
Angie looked deeply into Brian’s eyes as he gently gave her hand a squeeze, then she turned back to face the doctor.

“I can’t do it.” she said. “I’m sorry for wasting your time, but I can’t.”

“That’s okay, so long as you’re sure about your decision.” She replied with a smile.

“Yes I’m sure. I don’t want to do this.” she replied nodding her head.

“Okay, then I’ll show you two out.” the doctor replied.

“Babe I totally understand if you don’t want to talk to anyone right now, but Stuart was really worried about you yesterday.” Brian said as he pulled up in his drive way after getting back from the clinic.

Angie sighed and nodded her head, “Yeah, I guess I should go and explain what’s happening.”

“Do you want me to come with?” Brian asked as they got out of the car.

“No, I’ll be okay.” she replied with a smile, leaning up to kiss his lips.

“Love you.” he murmured against her lips.

“Love you too.” she whispered back.

She then made her way over to Stuart’s house, knocking lightly on the door before letting herself in.

“Stu!” she called out as she took a few steps into the house, hearing voices coming from somewhere.

“In the kitchen sweetie!” he called back.

She made her way through into the kitchen where she found Stuart and Neil sat at the counter each with a mug of coffee.

“Hey.” she muttered.

“Hey sweetie, you okay?” he asked. She glanced briefly at Neil before nodding.

“Really?” he asked.

“Listen, you obviously need to talk to Stu alone so I’ll leave you two to it.” Neil said getting up.

“Oh no, there’s no need.” Angie began to protest.

“No, it’s okay. Give me a call later Stu.” He replied with a smile before leaving.

“Okay, so what’s happened?” Stuart asked as soon as he heard the front door close.

“I’m pregnant.” She said quietly as she sat down on the stool that Neil had just vacated.

“I know, Brian told me.” he replied with a saddened smile.

“Did he tell you who the father is?” she asked, Stuart nodded.

“He also told me that you were going to…well, that you were…”

“I’m not. I can’t, and Brian has promised to stay with me and raise the baby as his own.” she explained.

“Thank fuck for that. I was fucking worried about you, I knew you wouldn’t want to have an abortion.” He replied.

“I know, but I just couldn’t risk losing Brian. I love him too much.” She said.

“I know babe. You okay now though?” he asked.

“I will be. I just need a break or something, or just something to take my mind off it for a while.” She replied.

“Maybe you and Brian should get away for a couple of days.” He suggested.

“Yeah, actually that may be a good idea. Anyway, was Neil here to talk to you about moving in?” she replied.

“He was actually yeah. He’s going to move in this week.” He said with a smile.

“Cool. I’m glad you’ve found someone to move in.” she replied.

“Me too. And sorry sweetie, I’d love to stay and talk but I’ve gotta go to work.” He replied.

“That’s okay Hun, I’ll talk to you later.” She replied, slipping off the stool and kissing his cheek before heading back to Brian’s house.

“That was a quick visit.” Brian said as she joined him on the sofa.

“He had to go to work.” She replied. “He gave me an idea too.”

“Am I going to like this?” he teased as she settled into his strong arms.

“How easy would it be for you to cover your shifts for a couple of days?” she asked.

“It could be done. Why?” he asked.

“Stuart suggested that it may be a good idea if you and me to get away for a couple of days. Just the two of us.” She explained.

“That might just be the best idea I’ve heard in a long time.” Brian replied kissing her temple. “I’ll sort some cover out tomorrow.