Words I Might Have Ate

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The gravel crunches quietly under my sandals as I step off of the main road and begin my trek up the unfinished driveway towards my house. The sun is just peeking over the Laguna Mountains in the east, blazingly hot beams of light falling on my bare shoulders as I hurry my way up the path.

Besides the gravel beneath my feet, there is soft silence everywhere. In the distance there is the faint chirping of cicadas and the gentle rustle of the grass tickling my ankles as I cut across the yard towards the front porch. I pause for just a brief moment, my backpack sliding off my shoulder and landing with a muted thud beside me on the porch.

I savor these rare moments of silence and solitude. It’s when I get some of my best thinking done. I often times lose myself in my thoughts, daydreaming for hours on end if left on my own. I couldn’t tell what exactly it is that I think about in my spare time. I wander through everything under the sun--poetry, music, movies, dreams and future aspirations. There’s nothing I love more than curling up under one of Dad’s trees with a mug of tea and just drifting away from reality for a while. It’s a welcome refuge.

It’s actually the reason why I was just getting in at a little before six thirty in the morning. I had escaped to the isolation of my old tree house late last night and I had ended up falling asleep under the stars. It was becoming a frequent habit as of late.

Yesterday afternoon I had gone to the airport to see one of my best friends off. We had just graduated from high school this past June and with the knowledge that one of us would soon be breaking up our trio, we had spent every last waking moment together. I had just needed one night alone, to recuperate, to engrain upon my one-track mind that we were now just two, instead of three.

Andrea Redding , more commonly known as Andy in our group, had been accepted into the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York City. It was her life-long goal to be discovered and have her creations strutted down the catwalks in Milan and Paris. We had been supportive of Andy’s endeavors, enduring some rather horrid creations throughout the years but also sporting some of the coolest outfits to ever grace our little town. Her leaving had been inevitable as it was impossible to get anywhere here in San Diego and her parents had put their foot down at Andy’s original plan of moving to Los Angeles. Apparently it was the city they didn’t trust, not Andy herself. They had found common ground upon Andy’s acceptance to FIT; their only true requirement, aside from the generic call often and don’t get arrested, was that Andy had to live with her brother and sister-in-law. Andy jumped at the chance to live in New York City and the past few months had been full of dramatic meltdowns and late-night freak-outs as she envisioned her future in the Big Apple.

Faith Dorian, or Faye as we had christened her, was, to be blunt about it, the brains of the group. While Andy had been the outgoing, risk-taker, Faye was the level-headed brainiac, who prided herself on making the honor roll every quarter in school. She was every parent’s dream-- smart, hard-working and responsible. She, out of the three of us, had been the first to go out and get a job the day she turned sixteen. She had been the first to purchase her own car and she had yet again been the first to be accepted into every college she applied to. It’s easy to imagine that because of her smarts, Faye was a stuck-up overachiever but she honestly was the complete opposite. She bent over backwards to ensure that both Andy and I graduated with decent grades and though she knew very well she was gifted in the academics department, never once have I felt inferior to her knowledge. Faye was one of those gentle, sweet girls who was always reliable in any situation. She was like the mother of our group, taking charge whenever she was needed. More often than not, she had been the one to calmly clean up the ruins of Andy’s latest disaster of a relationship or bring my scatterbrained head back down out of the clouds.

Our friendship had started in kindergarten. Faye and I had been sat next to each other and we had stuck close throughout the entire day. But Andy had bounced up to us at recess and announced that her neighbors back in the classroom were boring and she would rather hang out with us. We were inseparable from then on. We had grown up at each other’s houses and we could recite the other’s life story at the drop of a hat.

It was virtually impossible to find three more different girls than our close-knit group. We were vastly different and yet at the same time, we were all similar. We all shared common hopes and dreams and plans for the future. Going through life with these girls at my side had made those awkward teenage years all the more bearable. We had been christened the Three Musketeers by our fifth grade English teacher and together we had warded off everything from crazy ex-boyfriends and evil stepmothers to failed driving tests and crap SAT scores the first time through.

It’s why Andy leaving us yesterday had been so difficult. For the first time in my nineteen years of life, I didn’t have my other third with me. She had been only gone for a little over thirteen hours and already I felt alone and confused. Faye, upon sensing my distress, had offered to spend the night at my house but I had politely declined, realizing that I needed time to regroup and recharge. She had understood and made me promise that I would call if my mind changed. But I knew she would be over later this morning and so my phone remained silent in my house all night.

I was just fishing for the key to the front door on the dusty doorframe when the door itself swung open to reveal my mother, clad in a light blue robe, with a cup of coffee in one hand and a mug of steaming tea in the other. I offer her a weak smile which she returns affectionately and steps aside to let me into the house.

I cross the threshold and drop my book bag to the floor before closing the front door behind me tightly. Silently I accept the mug of tea and take a healthy sip, the soft steam caressing my cheeks delicately.

“Sleep well?” Mom asks finally, taking in my wrinkled t-shirt and cut-off jeans with a small smile.

I shrug, looking down at the floor. “I only got a few hours in. I meant to come back inside but I fell asleep in the tree house.”

“I know,” Mom pads into the kitchen and I follow slowly. “Your father checked in on you last night at about two thirty.”

“I was wondering where the blanket came from,” I muse thoughtfully, thinking about the soft white afghan that had appeared tucked around me at some time in the middle of the night.

Mom perches up on a stool and observes me carefully. I was leaning up against the counter, staring into my mug thoughtlessly. Finally she clears her throat and catches my eye. “Andy called last night. Her flight landed safely and her brother picked her up at the airport. She asks that you give her a call as soon as you can—she misses you already.”

I make a noncommittal noise in the back of my throat and resume my intense scrutinization of the drink in my hands. Tears prickle at the corners of my eyes at the thought of my best friend. I had done so well at the airport and on the quiet ride home, succumbing to my emotions only when I was alone and safe in my tree sanctuary.

“How many tissues did you go through last night?” Mom asks quietly, giving me a bit of privacy as she examines her nails. Though she gives off a carefree attitude, I know she’s concerned about how deeply Andy’s departure had affected me.

And despite my solemn mood, a small burst of laughter escapes my lips. “Too many—Andy’d have kicked my ass if she knew how much I really cried last night.” I wipe at my damp eyes carefully and shrug again. “I miss her already, Mom. It’s the first time we’ve done anything by ourselves and college is-is huge and all of my friends are drifting off to the other side of America and I’ll only see them on important holidays and I can’t do this by myself. I’m going to be leaving my family here in San Diego; I can’t deal with that without my two best friends by my side.”

In two seconds, Mom is off her chair and crossing the room with open arms. She folds me gently into her, my head falling into the crook of her neck familiarly. “Oh baby,” She croons softly, squeezing me tightly. “Baby, don’t think like that. College is so exciting. You’ll be homesick the first week and then you’ll make new friends and you’ll never want to leave, not even on the holidays. Andy and Faye love you so much and I’m sure they feel the same way. But you can still write to them and call and visit on long weekends. It’ll be like they never left.”

“Except they won’t be three blocks away when I need someone to talk to at two in the morning,” I mumble under my breath, bringing my arms up so I can hug my mom tightly. “I know I’m being dramatic about this whole thing. But I’m scared.”

“I know you are, baby,” Mom whispers before pressing a soft kiss into my reddish-brown hair, brushing away a few strands so she can see my eyes. “Will it make you feel better if I stay a few extra days in the hotel?”

I shake my head slowly. I may be nervous about my upcoming freshman year in college, but I’m still a teenager. Having my mother a few blocks away in a hotel room would be an embarrassment, no matter how desperately I wanted to allow myself that comfort.

“I’ll be fine,” I reply softly, gently pushing myself away. “Thanks though,” I whisper, running my fingertips under my eyelids again. “I’m just being silly.”

“No you’re not,” Mom retorts instantly, her eyes glistening suspiciously. “I was the exact same way when I first started college.”

I shake my head a bit at her lie, a lame attempt to make me feel better. I knew my mom wasn’t anything like this right before she started college. My mother and I are polar opposites. Andy and my mom are more similar, it would have made more sense for the two of them to be mother and daughter. Mom was probably dizzy with excitement when she started college. I could see her being the kid who made herself quite comfortable in the dorm and greeted her new dorm-mate with open arms and a huge smile.

“I’m going to go shower,” I finally say, pushing my drink onto the counter. “Have you started the laundry yet?”

Mom shakes her head, watching me carefully. “No I haven’t. Just throw your dirty clothes down the chute, I’ve already brought your basket downstairs.”

I nod before walking out of the kitchen and into the front hallway where my backpack was still lying. As I bend over to pick it up, there’s a clattering coming from outside, like someone’s sprinting across the porch at top speed—something Andy used to do.

My heart wrenches at the unwelcome thought as I straighten up in time to see the front door fly open and crash into the wall, the windowpanes rattling ominously. Faye is standing in the doorway, breathing heavily. Her blonde hair is windswept, like she’s run from her house instead of driving like she typically would. Her blue eyes are sparkling excitedly as she takes in my stooped over figure.

“Faye?” My mom’s in the front hallway with a concerned look on her face. “Sweetheart, are you okay?”

Faye nods breathlessly, her normal calm demeanor completely evaporated. She lays a hand on her chest, her heart racing underneath her white tank top like she’s run a marathon. In her other hand, she is clutching a rather fat letter. “R-Rilla,” She gasps, inhaling deeply as she comes closer to me. “I got accepted,” She exclaims, brandishing the letter like it’s some sort of trophy.

“Congratulations?” I offer tentatively. Was there some college that she hadn’t heard back from and assumed she had been turned down? I quickly picture her list of colleges in my mind and find that, to my best recollection, she had already been accepted into all eight. “Well done, Faye. Was there really any doubt in your mind?” I tease jokingly, despite the brief snatch of irritation that flits across my friend’s face.

“No,” Faye shakes her head sternly, slowly regaining her composure. “I just-I applied late and I didn’t think I’d get in still. I thought I was going to be waitlisted but the Dean of Admissions said she was impressed with my portfolio and I got in!”

“Did you run all the way from your house?” Mom asks curiously from behind us, drawing closer to our conversation. “Faye honey, you look like you’re about to pass out. Do you need something to drink?”

“I ran all the way from the post office,” Faye explains hurriedly. “I was running a few errands for Dad before I was going to come over here for the day and on a whim, I decided to check the mail—“

“But the mail doesn’t normally get delivered until the afternoon,” I interrupt, frowning slightly. “How’d you get your letter already?”

Faye swats at my arm gently. “I am trying to explain myself! It was delivered late last night, rush delivery because the deadline to accept is in three days before they move onto the waitlisted people. Anyway,” Faye glares jokingly at me, her eyes dancing merrily as she prepares to tell me her big news. “I decided to stop and see if anything was in our mail box and this,” She crinkles the letter for emphasis. “Was there for me. And so here I am now.” She finishes up, practically dancing in place as she waits for me to catch up to speed.

“So you ran all the way to our house from the post office?” Mom exclaims in a loud voice. “Faith Marie Dorian, it’s no wonder you’re out of breath! Come in and sit down before you tell us what’s so important about this college.” She grumbles under her breath as she herds the both of us into the kitchen, shaking her head a bit. “Honestly Faye, you should know better—and I expect you’ve left your car at the post office, as well?”

Faye nods sheepishly as she drops onto a chair at the counter and rests her flushed cheeks against the cool granite. “I was excited and I had to go tell Rilla right away. I-I wasn’t thinking,” She admits, shrugging her tan shoulders carelessly.

“I can drive you back,” I volunteer, sitting down next to Faye and watching as my mom bustles about with a cup of tea for my friend. “So what’s so important about this specific college? I mean you’ve already decided on going to Yale in Connecticut.”

She shakes her head before mumbling a quiet thanks to my mom and accepting the cup of tea. “Yale’s acceptance deadline is next week; I haven’t sent my deposit in yet.”

“You might want to get on that,” Mom chides softly from the other side of the counter where she’s leaning up against the cabinets, shamelessly listening in on our conversation. “You have to leave time in case the letter gets lost or something.”

Faye waves her aside easily and focuses in on me. “I’m not going to Yale anymore.”

The silence that sweeps over the kitchen is deafening. I can only stare at my best friend in disbelief, my mouth hanging open slightly. Faye being accepted into Yale had been the biggest thing to happen to our tiny little town in a long time. Everyone had been so proud of her and there had been this huge presentation at graduation about her acceptance. My own parents had been ready to burst at the seams with pride over her accomplishment, seeing as both Faye and Andy were considered their third and fourth daughters.

“Faith sweetie,” Mom begins slowly, her eyes huge with shock. “That letter in your hands had better be an acceptance letter from Harvard or Dartmouth—“

“It’s not,” Faye cuts in evenly, meeting my mother’s stare dead on. “You know I didn’t apply to either of those schools, Nora.”

“But-but,” Mom sputters indignantly. “Faith, you had a full-ride to an Ivy League university! What could possibly be better than that?”

“Friendship,” Faye answers calmly, pushing the letter towards my mom with one slender, pale hand. “Friendship is more important to me than going to an Ivy League school.”

My heart skips a few beats as I quickly register what Faye’s trying to tell me. An alarmingly bright burst of hope washes over me as I piece the information together. I grab at her hand and demand her attention, my eyes wide with the magnitude of what my best friend has sacrificed for me. “Y-you cannot be serious, Faith.”

“I’m afraid I am,” Faye responds cheerfully, taking a deep drink from her mug. “So do you have anyone bunking with you yet?”

An earsplitting scream echoes through the kitchen and before I can register the fact that I’m the one shrieking at the top of my lungs, I’m off the stool and grabbing Faye in a bone-crushing hug. Her chair topples over and lands on the floor with a loud clatter but neither of us pay it any mind as I begin to jump up and down in excitement.

“I cannot believe you,” I shout, leaning back so I can get a good look at her excited face. “You threw away Yale University for me, Faith!”

“Well I can’t just let my best friend go to college all on her own,” Faye shrugs as if it’s not a big deal, though I know better. Turning down Yale had probably been one of the hardest things she had ever done in her entire life. She had been striving to attend the university her entire high school career. It was where her mother had graduated and going there had meant that Faye could have something in common with the woman who had died nineteen years ago in childbirth. “I’m going to Berkeley University with you where I will double major in philosophy and journalism. And from there, I plan on applying to Boalt—“

“Boalt,” Mom interrupts. “What’s Boalt?” She repeats the word again like she’s testing how it feels on her tongue.

“University of California at Berkeley Boalt Hall School of Law,” Faye rattles off rather impressively. “It’s ranked number five in the top 100 law schools in all of America.”

“But I’ll be gone in four years,” I announce unnecessarily. “So you’ll be attending Berkeley alone.”

“Well then maybe I’ll reapply to Yale then,” She shrugs dismissively. “But I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now what’s important is that I’m with my best friend and we’re starting our freshman year in college together.”

The back door opens quickly and Dad steps through, breathing heavily. He’s already muddy from working out in the orchards for a few hours, though he pays no attention to the fact that he’s dragging filth into Mom’s clean kitchen. Green eyes that match my own scan the kitchen hurriedly before he takes a few more cautious steps into the room.

“Who’s screaming?” He asks carefully. “I heard you all the way back in the fields and I thought—it sounded like someone was being scalped.”

“That was me,” I admit awkwardly, laughing a bit. “Sorry Dad.”

“Charles,” Mom brandishes the letter in his face threateningly. “Read this!”

Dad takes a step back so he can focus in on the piece of paper two inches from his nose before taking the letter from Mom’s grasp. He scans the letter briefly before his eyes flit up to the name again in surprise. “Faith?” He questions bewilderedly, lowering the paper so he can look at the person in question. “What happened to Yale?”

Faith grins a bit. “Yale’s not for me right now, Charlie. I’m going to Berkeley with Rilla.”

Dad glances down at my flushed cheeks and chuckles at the excitement that’s on both of our faces. “Well I suppose a congratulatory dinner is in order, is it not? What do you want to eat, kiddo? Pick wherever you want to go and Mom’ll make reservations.”

Faye hurdles off the chair and collides with my Dad, hugging him happily. He squeezes her into a bear-hug, bringing her feet up off the ground just a bit before setting her carefully back down. “I’m proud of you, Faye. Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” Faye replies, breaking away from the embrace. “I suppose someone’ll have to go break the news to Andy.”

“Oh,” I blink as I come back to reality. “Come on, we can call her from my room.” I grab the cordless phone from the cradle next to the fruit basket and begin up the back set of stairs to my bedroom. “She’s going to have a meltdown when she realizes what you’ve done, Faye.”

“Yeah, well,” Faye closes my bedroom door behind us softly. “She’s in New York, what’s the worst that could happen?”