Torment

"Are you ready to go home?"

I opened my eyes and saw Brendon staring down at me, smiling.

"I can leave?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said. "The doctors said you can leave when you're ready. They're bringing Ryan right now."

I sat up quickly, smiling.

"Ryan?" I said. I looked towards the door, anticipating the nurse that would be bringing me my baby. Brendon chuckled.

A few minutes later there was a knock on the door and a nurse came in, carrying a small bundle. I held my breath as she brought my son over to me. I held out my arms, waiting for her to place the baby in my arms, which she did gently. I looked down into the pink face of my son. His eyes were closed and I hoped that when he did eventually open them, that they would be his father's eyes. My vision blurred and soon I was crying.

"Ava?" Brendon said. "Are you alright?"

I nodded my head.

"He's so beautiful," I mumbled. I looked up at Brendon and smiled. "Do you want to hold him?"

Brendon's eyes widened in surprise before he nodded his head. He leaned down and gently took Ryan from me. He held the baby carefully, probably afraid that he might break him. I smiled at him, and couldn't help the burst of love that I suddenly felt for both of them as I saw Brendon smile down at Ryan. Brendon looked up at me and our eyes met, and I knew that Brendon was feeling the same love as I felt.

Brendon loved me. Still. Even after everything I had done. And I knew that I loved him as well. But I didn't deserve Brendon. I had hurt him in the worst way possible. And he was holding the proof of my disloyalty.

But with that one look of pure love from Brendon, I now had more hope than I had in a while. Maybe I could still have Brendon.

Brendon leaned down to give Ryan back to me but I stopped him.

"If we're leaving, I need to get changed," I said. "Can you hold him for a few more minutes?"

"Of course," Brendon said, standing straight again. "Do you want me to step out for a moment?"

"No," I said, getting out of the hospital bed carefully. "You can just turn around for a minute."

Brendon nodded and went to stand by the window, looking out of it with his back turned to me. I went to the bag with clean clothes that I had packed for the hospital. After pulling out the clothes quickly, I dressed.

"Ok," I said when I was fully clothed. Brendon turned around.

"Ready?" he asked.

"I just have to put my shoes on," I said quietly. I slipped them on quickly and went over to Brendon. I held out my arms and Brendon placed Ryan in them. On an impulse, I stood on my toes slightly and placed my lips on Brendon's cheek. I stood back and looked into Brendon's eyes. "Thank you."

Brendon smiled and nodded his head. I smiled back and Brendon picked up my overnight bag. As we walked out of the room, I felt Brendon place his hand gently on my lower back.

In that moment, I felt that everything in my life right now was how it should be. And I couldn't be happier.