Heartbreak Is Falling in Love Again.
I Love You ... But
“So baby, we’re going to that party tonight right? Three months today.” Chris said to me grabbing onto my waste and stopping me in my tracks. He was so cute today, but I mean 3 months and he really thinks I want to spend it at a party? He can be so clueless sometimes. 3 months at a party, what does this say about our relationship? I mean it was good at the beginning, but now we have little fights, he never really asks my opinion, and he always assumes I just want to do everything he suggests.
“Chris. Do we really have to go to a party to celebrate? I really don’t feel like spending our 3 month anniversary with all our friends.” I say closing my eyes, and then quickly opening them to see his expression.
“Is it because Drew is going to be there and you guys haven’t talked since your date all that while ago?” He said his face that was once full of happiness had now turned to twisted anger.
“Chris, stop being that way, I don’t want to spend this at a party. I wanted to go on a romantic date or something like we used to always do. But now all you ever seem to think about is what you want.”
“Excuse me! What I want? What do you mean what I want? I always do whatever you feel like doing!” He said the expression in his voice getting angrier and starting to scare me.
“You know that isn’t true, you always, always get like this whenever I never want to do something your way and I’m sick of it. You never kiss me passionately anymore; you always seem to just want to have sex, and you treat me like shit when you’re with your friends.”
“Don’t even turn this into something it isn’t.”
“What are you talking about, I’m telling you how I feel. Chris I love you but –”
“But what, you want to run off and be with Drew? I see the way you look at him, like you wish he was yours. You save one look just for him, where is my look the one you used to save for me?”
“Of course I don’t want to run off and be with Drew, things with us were done before they even started so will you stop bringing him up?! And I don’t have just one look for him, and I haven’t used my “special” look on you lately because well because you’ve been treating me like an asshole! And you know what?! I think we should just quit while we’re ahead.” By now my eyes were filling up with tears, and I knew that if I didn’t end this now and leave, they would be pouring down my face while he stood there starring at me.
“Baby, Baby, no I don’t want that. Don’t cry.” I felt his warm hands stretch around me and I didn’t feel that same warmth I felt when he usually did that. I felt something stronger, but I didn’t want him. I felt the tears come down my cheekbones as I looked into his eyes, he was crying.
“Please, we can make it work. I love you, I will always and forever. You know that baby.” His voice started to crack somewhere between I love you and baby.
“I know and I love you too, but I can’t do this anymore. The constant fighting, the doing things you only want to do, the waking up next to you in the morning and thinking today’s going to be a good day when really another fight is on it’s way. I just can’t sit around anymore waiting for you to finally realize how much you mean to me, and how much I love you and want you to hold me and kiss me like you used to, waiting for you to be the perfect guy. I just can’t deal with it anymore. I love you Chris and if you can’t treat me right then I need to fall out of love with you.”
“I promise you that I will try my best to give you what you want from now on, to show you that I love you in the best way that I can. I don’t want to be the reason for your tears. It hurts me to see you hurt. Just baby, one more chance please, I’m begging here.”
“I’m sorry Chris, we can’t be together anymore.” I pulled him closer to me, felt the warmth of his body tighten around me, he wasn’t going to let go, well at least that’s what it felt like. “Not if you can’t keep that promise, so I need you to tell me now that you can, or I’m gone.” And then he pulled my chin up and leaned his head toward me and pressed his lips against mine. This was passionate; I could tell he wanted me so badly, so badly that he could actually keep that promise.
“I can keep it.” And then he kissed me again.
Suddenly remembering where I was I pulled away from the kiss and took a look around. Yep still at school, where people are still just getting into their cars to get home. Central was kind of a nice school. Two stories high, big fat letters at the very top of the building above the indented door way (there’s the two walls and then an indent or fold I guess where the doors are) where the school name was, and of course the huge fountain right outside in the front, which makes it look like some snobby rich kid private school, even though it really isn’t.
Chris placed his fingers through mine and we started to walk to his car. I don’t drive my car to school because Chris likes to pick me up and take me himself. I have a jeep, big but small, cozy and comfortable, beige, doors can detach, and not to mention my license plate is amazing. KIM1693. Amazing to me anyways.
We get in and then I start to think about the party he brought up. Yeah sure I just got into an almost break up because I didn’t want to go, but a night drinking, not remembering anything in the morning seems like a good way to start my weekend. I’ll wait a little bit before I tell him we can go to the party, he might get mad and another fight might immerge.
I stare outside the window and look at the houses we pass by, there so little and look really comfortable. Why does my mom have to live in such a big house? There’s only the three of us, unless you count Chris who’s there almost every night. The car ride was unusually quiet, there was still a bit of tension floating in the air, and I decided that unless I wanted there to be more tension later on, I might as well bring the topic up now.
“That party.” I say in low mumbles. Afraid that he might react the way I thought he would. But all he said was.
“You changed your mind?”
“Yeah.” More mumbles.
“It’s at 9, I’ll pick you up.”
“Sorry about the fighting over nothing.” I say a little scared that I might have given him another reason to be mad.
“No it helped clear the air.” The rest was silent and we drove past all the little houses until we reached my big fat house right in the middle. I think I need to move. And so I made a mental note about talking to my mom about moving. No where far, just somewhere a little bit smaller and cozier. I’m so jealous of all these people with there little brick houses, and how they seem to be so happy with just that. And I have this huge house that all of them wish they had, but really once they had it, they wouldn’t want it anymore.
Interrupting my train of thought, Chris opens the passenger door for me. I hadn’t even realized we stopped yet. So I get out and give him a quick peck on the lips, say good bye and walk into my house.
I walk up the pathway, unlock the door, and open it. I walk into the kitchen grab an apple and walk back out bumping into someone I really never thought I would see in my house. Tall, green eyes, black hair, Drew.
“Um sorry.” I say giving him an apologetic look, even though he can’t really blame me when I didn’t exactly know he would ever be at my house. Tall, hot, drew.
“Hi.” Long pause. I just stood there starring not knowing what to say to hi, which is remarkably stupid since all I had to say was hi back. But I didn’t I just let him talk again. “How are you?”
“I – I – I’m fine thanks. And you?”
“I’m good.” I look around the room and since he’s standing in the entry way to the kitchen I really don’t have a way out. So I just stand there awkwardly.
I really wanted to leave and just go to my room, but part of me liked standing there. Smelling his sweet fragrance, looking at his tall muscular body, just wanting to kiss his smooth soft lips, but I have a boyfriend, a boyfriend that fights a lot with me, but still a boyfriend. And I knew that if I stayed there any longer something was going to happen.
“Drew buddy, wassup? You came here just on time.” My brother approached giving him a high five and a pat on the back, one of those stupid guy hug things they always do.
“Hey, nothing really I thought I was late, but I guess I was wrong.” Drew says as they part away and stand there like total guys.
“Hey Kim, what are you doing home so early?” Justin says turning the conversation towards me.
“Chris and I got into another fight.” I say holding my breath. “We aren’t fighting now, but there’s tension like always.
“Awe that sucks. What happened?” He says in a sincere voice.
“He wanted to go to this party because its three months today. And I really didn’t want to at first. We almost broke up because I told him I was sick of everything. But you know him; he always finds the right words to get me to come back.” I say awkwardly, I didn’t really want to discuss romance while Drew was right there. They were now sitting at the kitchen table, and Justin offered me a chair next to him. So I took the offer and sat down. Drew was looking at me, but I was looking at Justin, occasionally turning my glance to him and getting caught up in his beautiful eyes, and then realizing I was starring too, and looking away again. “But now were going because tonight doesn’t seem like a bad night for that anymore. Seems like a good way to start my weekend.”
“Yeah I see, well we’ll talk about this later if you want.” Justin says.
“Okay sure.” I say looking at drew. There was a long pause and then I spoke again. “So uh you two are friends? Since when?”
“Ugh yeah we ran into each other at the mall one day two weeks ago and then I figured he was pretty cool. Right Drew?” Justin says giving Drew a wink and me a quick smile.
“Aha, that’s right Justin.” Drew says turning his gaze towards me again and giving me a look that says, is this too weird for you?
“Oh okay well I’m going to go up stairs now.”
“Alright bye.” Justin says.
“Nice seeing you again.” Drew obviously.
“You too.”
I walk upstairs apple still in my hand and start to eat it. Yum. Juicy and sweet, it was the best apple I had ever tasted. I finished eating it and then I threw it out in the trash can close to the back of my door and sat on my computer chair and signed online. Chris was on and was the first one to talk to me. Justin and Drew were both on as well. Dakota was on, Jake was on, and there’s lots more that I won’t take the time to read through them all.
I read what Chris says.
Chris says:
Baby, the party starts earlier now. I’ll pick you up in an hour.
Kim says:
Why does it start so early now?
Chris says:
I don’t know.
I just got a phone call saying to be there in an hour.
Kim says:
Oh well its only 3:30.
Chris says:
Yeah I’ll be there at 4:30.
Kim says:
How about 5?
Chris says:
Why five?
Kim says:
Because party’s don’t start that early, not for me anyways.
Chris says:
I love you, so trust me and just come okay?
Kim says:
Fine …
Chris says:
Alright I’m going to go now.
Kim says:
Alright.
Chris says:
I love you, see you at 5 baby.
Kim says:
Love you too.
He signs off and then I take a look at my contacts. Justin and Drew still on … I click on there name and then stare at the msn box that opens up on the screen. I don’t say anything but I think about how good Drew looked today. The way his eyes, his beautiful green eyes glowed, the way he smiled at me when I first looked up at him and realized it was him, and the way his hair still had that nice touch to it. I just missed him.
I’m sitting there just starring at the msn box, the colour they chose for their backround – one of the advantages of the new msn plus – and then I hear a sound. Looking toward the door way I hear it again. Either someone is being sneaky or I’m imagining things. I choose imagining things so I just turned back to the computer and exited the chat box. And there it was again, I was definitely not imagining things. I look towards the door starting at his socks first and making my way up his tall muscular body, looking up until I reach his face. He was standing there by himself. Looking just as good as when I saw him earlier. I just stare not quite sure what to say.
“I thought you might be feeling a bit down, and maybe wanted someone to talk to.” Drew says in his nice toned voice. “If you don’t want to talk its fine I’ll just leave.”
Why is he always so nice to me, I leave him at the restaurant with information I didn’t exactly have right, and he still wants to talk. I couldn’t resist the temptation to hear his voice again, so I spoke.
“No its fine, we can talk.” My body got tingly and I was filled with hope. My mom used to always say you could see hope in my eyes when I wanted something more then anything. So hopefully it didn’t show too much when I answered his question. I know that I’m dating Chris the amazing soccer player, but I want Drew the captain of the volleyball team as well. Life can be so difficult, but I am not passing up the opportunity to at least maintain a friendship with this guy.
“Alright.” He says and then comes in and sits on my floor and uses the top edge of my bed as a head rest. “So what is bringing you down these days?”
“What do you mean these days?” I say wondering why he figured I was being brought down when the fight was today.
“I mean, I never see you smiling at school anymore, you may not notice me or want to talk to me because of … well because of you know, but everytime that I passed you in the hall you had the biggest smile. But for the past month you haven’t smiled a lot, only when your friends came and spilt the latest gossip I guess. I know I probably sound like some kind of stalker but I’m really just looking out for you, you know.” I was stunned, how could one person notice when I smiled, what had I gave up all those months ago? I guess I’m just really totally blind, and don’t forget stupid. So I smiled, and it felt good to smile. “There’s that smile that I never see anymore.”
I grab the pillow from the side of my computer desk – it had landed there when I through it at my brother when he came in to wake me up this morning, because I had forgotten to set my alarm – and keep it rested on my lap.
“Why are you so nice to me?” I say expecting an answer, because this one I needed to know.
“Because it’s all part of my amazing charm, you ladies are all drawn to it.” Finally putting the pillow to good use I pick it up in my right hand and throw it so it lands smack in the middle of his face.
“You’re conceded! You know that right?”
“I’ve been told before.” He says and then gives me a wink.
“But seriously why are you so nice to me right now? The last time we talked I didn’t exactly give you a break, or a chance.” I say, hoping for a more serious answer this time.
“I know, but I can’t help it you have this way about you where it’s impossible to be mean to you, and if I rejected that smile a few minutes ago, I would be considered to be the most stupid guy in the world. And yeah sure you didn’t give me a chance, or a break, but that was a long time ago. Things have been done, and now there isn’t any reason that we shouldn’t be friends. Right?” That was not the answer I was looking for, that was better then the answer I was looking for. He really does have his own unique charm. Again I let another smile escape, and he smiled back.
“Right. Friends is good.” I say bringing my face back to lean more towards serious then playful. I got out of the computer chair and went and sat next to him. Keeping my eyes locked on his so that he knew he had my full attention for when he spoke again.
“So are you ever going to tell me what’s been bothering you with you and your boyfriend?” He said and that was when I turned my face down, ripping apart from his gaze so that I didn’t have to face him while talking about boy trouble.
“Well Chris, he’s been great and everything up until now. We’re always fighting and today we almost broke up. He just doesn’t get that I don’t always want to do things his way. And sometimes I don’t want to be all P.D.A with him, and I don’t want to be called baby, hasn’t he ever heard of beautiful?” The words poured out of my mouth so fast, that I needed to stop and take a breather before I finished. “And now things are going to be awkward for a while because we just had a really big fight in the parking lot after school. And I always come and watch his soccer tournaments. He’s really good, but he never comes to my basketball. The seasons over in another three months and not once has he come and watch. I don’t know. Things have been really confusing this past month. And honestly I don’t know how much more I can take of it.”
“Things have just been really tuff for you, I’m sure he loves you. Every couple has there rough patch and this might be yours. Just try to have a good time when you’re with him. Everything should be fine soon. Besides you have me to watch your basketball, don’t pretend like you don’t see me there for your games. And you sometimes watch my volleyball. So for now just let nature run its course and things will be fine.” Why does he know exactly what to say? Now my eyes were locked with his again. How much I just wanted to kiss him. But how much I just wanted to be in Chris’s arms and pretend like nothing ever happened and just get back to the way things were before the fighting, life isn’t fair.
“You always know exactly what to say, and I hope you’re right. As for sometimes watching your volleyball, it’s only sometimes because Chris’s soccer is usually on the same days, and he gets mad if his “good luck charm” isn’t there. And how can I pretend to have a good time, if I’m really not? I guess every couple does have their rough patch.”
“You just have to work through the kinks, it might be hard, but you’ll get through it if it’s really meant to be.”
“Yeah I guess. Thanks for the advice.” I say putting my hand on his knee.
“No problem, but I really should be going. I left your brother in the kitchen, and who knows maybe he didn’t want to wait 20 minutes before I got back down to leave.”
“Why where are you going?”
“A party. Like you said earlier, seems like a good night for it.” He says and then gives me a quick smile and gets up. “It was nice talking to you Kim, if you need anything just give me a call.”
“Alright, thanks for the talk, it was nice.” I say not knowing what to do next. But then his arms opened up as to say give me a hug. And so I wrapped my arms around him, the warm touch of his arms around me gave me butterflies. He was so much stronger then Chris and the tightness made me feel safe. Like I always feel when I’m with him. I never noticed how much I missed talking to him, until now, even though I never talked to him a lot before. I just missed the sound of his voice.
Finally he loosened his grip and so did I. I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and then he walked out of the room and downstairs. And I heard two pairs of footsteps exit the house.
“Chris. Do we really have to go to a party to celebrate? I really don’t feel like spending our 3 month anniversary with all our friends.” I say closing my eyes, and then quickly opening them to see his expression.
“Is it because Drew is going to be there and you guys haven’t talked since your date all that while ago?” He said his face that was once full of happiness had now turned to twisted anger.
“Chris, stop being that way, I don’t want to spend this at a party. I wanted to go on a romantic date or something like we used to always do. But now all you ever seem to think about is what you want.”
“Excuse me! What I want? What do you mean what I want? I always do whatever you feel like doing!” He said the expression in his voice getting angrier and starting to scare me.
“You know that isn’t true, you always, always get like this whenever I never want to do something your way and I’m sick of it. You never kiss me passionately anymore; you always seem to just want to have sex, and you treat me like shit when you’re with your friends.”
“Don’t even turn this into something it isn’t.”
“What are you talking about, I’m telling you how I feel. Chris I love you but –”
“But what, you want to run off and be with Drew? I see the way you look at him, like you wish he was yours. You save one look just for him, where is my look the one you used to save for me?”
“Of course I don’t want to run off and be with Drew, things with us were done before they even started so will you stop bringing him up?! And I don’t have just one look for him, and I haven’t used my “special” look on you lately because well because you’ve been treating me like an asshole! And you know what?! I think we should just quit while we’re ahead.” By now my eyes were filling up with tears, and I knew that if I didn’t end this now and leave, they would be pouring down my face while he stood there starring at me.
“Baby, Baby, no I don’t want that. Don’t cry.” I felt his warm hands stretch around me and I didn’t feel that same warmth I felt when he usually did that. I felt something stronger, but I didn’t want him. I felt the tears come down my cheekbones as I looked into his eyes, he was crying.
“Please, we can make it work. I love you, I will always and forever. You know that baby.” His voice started to crack somewhere between I love you and baby.
“I know and I love you too, but I can’t do this anymore. The constant fighting, the doing things you only want to do, the waking up next to you in the morning and thinking today’s going to be a good day when really another fight is on it’s way. I just can’t sit around anymore waiting for you to finally realize how much you mean to me, and how much I love you and want you to hold me and kiss me like you used to, waiting for you to be the perfect guy. I just can’t deal with it anymore. I love you Chris and if you can’t treat me right then I need to fall out of love with you.”
“I promise you that I will try my best to give you what you want from now on, to show you that I love you in the best way that I can. I don’t want to be the reason for your tears. It hurts me to see you hurt. Just baby, one more chance please, I’m begging here.”
“I’m sorry Chris, we can’t be together anymore.” I pulled him closer to me, felt the warmth of his body tighten around me, he wasn’t going to let go, well at least that’s what it felt like. “Not if you can’t keep that promise, so I need you to tell me now that you can, or I’m gone.” And then he pulled my chin up and leaned his head toward me and pressed his lips against mine. This was passionate; I could tell he wanted me so badly, so badly that he could actually keep that promise.
“I can keep it.” And then he kissed me again.
Suddenly remembering where I was I pulled away from the kiss and took a look around. Yep still at school, where people are still just getting into their cars to get home. Central was kind of a nice school. Two stories high, big fat letters at the very top of the building above the indented door way (there’s the two walls and then an indent or fold I guess where the doors are) where the school name was, and of course the huge fountain right outside in the front, which makes it look like some snobby rich kid private school, even though it really isn’t.
Chris placed his fingers through mine and we started to walk to his car. I don’t drive my car to school because Chris likes to pick me up and take me himself. I have a jeep, big but small, cozy and comfortable, beige, doors can detach, and not to mention my license plate is amazing. KIM1693. Amazing to me anyways.
We get in and then I start to think about the party he brought up. Yeah sure I just got into an almost break up because I didn’t want to go, but a night drinking, not remembering anything in the morning seems like a good way to start my weekend. I’ll wait a little bit before I tell him we can go to the party, he might get mad and another fight might immerge.
I stare outside the window and look at the houses we pass by, there so little and look really comfortable. Why does my mom have to live in such a big house? There’s only the three of us, unless you count Chris who’s there almost every night. The car ride was unusually quiet, there was still a bit of tension floating in the air, and I decided that unless I wanted there to be more tension later on, I might as well bring the topic up now.
“That party.” I say in low mumbles. Afraid that he might react the way I thought he would. But all he said was.
“You changed your mind?”
“Yeah.” More mumbles.
“It’s at 9, I’ll pick you up.”
“Sorry about the fighting over nothing.” I say a little scared that I might have given him another reason to be mad.
“No it helped clear the air.” The rest was silent and we drove past all the little houses until we reached my big fat house right in the middle. I think I need to move. And so I made a mental note about talking to my mom about moving. No where far, just somewhere a little bit smaller and cozier. I’m so jealous of all these people with there little brick houses, and how they seem to be so happy with just that. And I have this huge house that all of them wish they had, but really once they had it, they wouldn’t want it anymore.
Interrupting my train of thought, Chris opens the passenger door for me. I hadn’t even realized we stopped yet. So I get out and give him a quick peck on the lips, say good bye and walk into my house.
I walk up the pathway, unlock the door, and open it. I walk into the kitchen grab an apple and walk back out bumping into someone I really never thought I would see in my house. Tall, green eyes, black hair, Drew.
“Um sorry.” I say giving him an apologetic look, even though he can’t really blame me when I didn’t exactly know he would ever be at my house. Tall, hot, drew.
“Hi.” Long pause. I just stood there starring not knowing what to say to hi, which is remarkably stupid since all I had to say was hi back. But I didn’t I just let him talk again. “How are you?”
“I – I – I’m fine thanks. And you?”
“I’m good.” I look around the room and since he’s standing in the entry way to the kitchen I really don’t have a way out. So I just stand there awkwardly.
I really wanted to leave and just go to my room, but part of me liked standing there. Smelling his sweet fragrance, looking at his tall muscular body, just wanting to kiss his smooth soft lips, but I have a boyfriend, a boyfriend that fights a lot with me, but still a boyfriend. And I knew that if I stayed there any longer something was going to happen.
“Drew buddy, wassup? You came here just on time.” My brother approached giving him a high five and a pat on the back, one of those stupid guy hug things they always do.
“Hey, nothing really I thought I was late, but I guess I was wrong.” Drew says as they part away and stand there like total guys.
“Hey Kim, what are you doing home so early?” Justin says turning the conversation towards me.
“Chris and I got into another fight.” I say holding my breath. “We aren’t fighting now, but there’s tension like always.
“Awe that sucks. What happened?” He says in a sincere voice.
“He wanted to go to this party because its three months today. And I really didn’t want to at first. We almost broke up because I told him I was sick of everything. But you know him; he always finds the right words to get me to come back.” I say awkwardly, I didn’t really want to discuss romance while Drew was right there. They were now sitting at the kitchen table, and Justin offered me a chair next to him. So I took the offer and sat down. Drew was looking at me, but I was looking at Justin, occasionally turning my glance to him and getting caught up in his beautiful eyes, and then realizing I was starring too, and looking away again. “But now were going because tonight doesn’t seem like a bad night for that anymore. Seems like a good way to start my weekend.”
“Yeah I see, well we’ll talk about this later if you want.” Justin says.
“Okay sure.” I say looking at drew. There was a long pause and then I spoke again. “So uh you two are friends? Since when?”
“Ugh yeah we ran into each other at the mall one day two weeks ago and then I figured he was pretty cool. Right Drew?” Justin says giving Drew a wink and me a quick smile.
“Aha, that’s right Justin.” Drew says turning his gaze towards me again and giving me a look that says, is this too weird for you?
“Oh okay well I’m going to go up stairs now.”
“Alright bye.” Justin says.
“Nice seeing you again.” Drew obviously.
“You too.”
I walk upstairs apple still in my hand and start to eat it. Yum. Juicy and sweet, it was the best apple I had ever tasted. I finished eating it and then I threw it out in the trash can close to the back of my door and sat on my computer chair and signed online. Chris was on and was the first one to talk to me. Justin and Drew were both on as well. Dakota was on, Jake was on, and there’s lots more that I won’t take the time to read through them all.
I read what Chris says.
Chris says:
Baby, the party starts earlier now. I’ll pick you up in an hour.
Kim says:
Why does it start so early now?
Chris says:
I don’t know.
I just got a phone call saying to be there in an hour.
Kim says:
Oh well its only 3:30.
Chris says:
Yeah I’ll be there at 4:30.
Kim says:
How about 5?
Chris says:
Why five?
Kim says:
Because party’s don’t start that early, not for me anyways.
Chris says:
I love you, so trust me and just come okay?
Kim says:
Fine …
Chris says:
Alright I’m going to go now.
Kim says:
Alright.
Chris says:
I love you, see you at 5 baby.
Kim says:
Love you too.
He signs off and then I take a look at my contacts. Justin and Drew still on … I click on there name and then stare at the msn box that opens up on the screen. I don’t say anything but I think about how good Drew looked today. The way his eyes, his beautiful green eyes glowed, the way he smiled at me when I first looked up at him and realized it was him, and the way his hair still had that nice touch to it. I just missed him.
I’m sitting there just starring at the msn box, the colour they chose for their backround – one of the advantages of the new msn plus – and then I hear a sound. Looking toward the door way I hear it again. Either someone is being sneaky or I’m imagining things. I choose imagining things so I just turned back to the computer and exited the chat box. And there it was again, I was definitely not imagining things. I look towards the door starting at his socks first and making my way up his tall muscular body, looking up until I reach his face. He was standing there by himself. Looking just as good as when I saw him earlier. I just stare not quite sure what to say.
“I thought you might be feeling a bit down, and maybe wanted someone to talk to.” Drew says in his nice toned voice. “If you don’t want to talk its fine I’ll just leave.”
Why is he always so nice to me, I leave him at the restaurant with information I didn’t exactly have right, and he still wants to talk. I couldn’t resist the temptation to hear his voice again, so I spoke.
“No its fine, we can talk.” My body got tingly and I was filled with hope. My mom used to always say you could see hope in my eyes when I wanted something more then anything. So hopefully it didn’t show too much when I answered his question. I know that I’m dating Chris the amazing soccer player, but I want Drew the captain of the volleyball team as well. Life can be so difficult, but I am not passing up the opportunity to at least maintain a friendship with this guy.
“Alright.” He says and then comes in and sits on my floor and uses the top edge of my bed as a head rest. “So what is bringing you down these days?”
“What do you mean these days?” I say wondering why he figured I was being brought down when the fight was today.
“I mean, I never see you smiling at school anymore, you may not notice me or want to talk to me because of … well because of you know, but everytime that I passed you in the hall you had the biggest smile. But for the past month you haven’t smiled a lot, only when your friends came and spilt the latest gossip I guess. I know I probably sound like some kind of stalker but I’m really just looking out for you, you know.” I was stunned, how could one person notice when I smiled, what had I gave up all those months ago? I guess I’m just really totally blind, and don’t forget stupid. So I smiled, and it felt good to smile. “There’s that smile that I never see anymore.”
I grab the pillow from the side of my computer desk – it had landed there when I through it at my brother when he came in to wake me up this morning, because I had forgotten to set my alarm – and keep it rested on my lap.
“Why are you so nice to me?” I say expecting an answer, because this one I needed to know.
“Because it’s all part of my amazing charm, you ladies are all drawn to it.” Finally putting the pillow to good use I pick it up in my right hand and throw it so it lands smack in the middle of his face.
“You’re conceded! You know that right?”
“I’ve been told before.” He says and then gives me a wink.
“But seriously why are you so nice to me right now? The last time we talked I didn’t exactly give you a break, or a chance.” I say, hoping for a more serious answer this time.
“I know, but I can’t help it you have this way about you where it’s impossible to be mean to you, and if I rejected that smile a few minutes ago, I would be considered to be the most stupid guy in the world. And yeah sure you didn’t give me a chance, or a break, but that was a long time ago. Things have been done, and now there isn’t any reason that we shouldn’t be friends. Right?” That was not the answer I was looking for, that was better then the answer I was looking for. He really does have his own unique charm. Again I let another smile escape, and he smiled back.
“Right. Friends is good.” I say bringing my face back to lean more towards serious then playful. I got out of the computer chair and went and sat next to him. Keeping my eyes locked on his so that he knew he had my full attention for when he spoke again.
“So are you ever going to tell me what’s been bothering you with you and your boyfriend?” He said and that was when I turned my face down, ripping apart from his gaze so that I didn’t have to face him while talking about boy trouble.
“Well Chris, he’s been great and everything up until now. We’re always fighting and today we almost broke up. He just doesn’t get that I don’t always want to do things his way. And sometimes I don’t want to be all P.D.A with him, and I don’t want to be called baby, hasn’t he ever heard of beautiful?” The words poured out of my mouth so fast, that I needed to stop and take a breather before I finished. “And now things are going to be awkward for a while because we just had a really big fight in the parking lot after school. And I always come and watch his soccer tournaments. He’s really good, but he never comes to my basketball. The seasons over in another three months and not once has he come and watch. I don’t know. Things have been really confusing this past month. And honestly I don’t know how much more I can take of it.”
“Things have just been really tuff for you, I’m sure he loves you. Every couple has there rough patch and this might be yours. Just try to have a good time when you’re with him. Everything should be fine soon. Besides you have me to watch your basketball, don’t pretend like you don’t see me there for your games. And you sometimes watch my volleyball. So for now just let nature run its course and things will be fine.” Why does he know exactly what to say? Now my eyes were locked with his again. How much I just wanted to kiss him. But how much I just wanted to be in Chris’s arms and pretend like nothing ever happened and just get back to the way things were before the fighting, life isn’t fair.
“You always know exactly what to say, and I hope you’re right. As for sometimes watching your volleyball, it’s only sometimes because Chris’s soccer is usually on the same days, and he gets mad if his “good luck charm” isn’t there. And how can I pretend to have a good time, if I’m really not? I guess every couple does have their rough patch.”
“You just have to work through the kinks, it might be hard, but you’ll get through it if it’s really meant to be.”
“Yeah I guess. Thanks for the advice.” I say putting my hand on his knee.
“No problem, but I really should be going. I left your brother in the kitchen, and who knows maybe he didn’t want to wait 20 minutes before I got back down to leave.”
“Why where are you going?”
“A party. Like you said earlier, seems like a good night for it.” He says and then gives me a quick smile and gets up. “It was nice talking to you Kim, if you need anything just give me a call.”
“Alright, thanks for the talk, it was nice.” I say not knowing what to do next. But then his arms opened up as to say give me a hug. And so I wrapped my arms around him, the warm touch of his arms around me gave me butterflies. He was so much stronger then Chris and the tightness made me feel safe. Like I always feel when I’m with him. I never noticed how much I missed talking to him, until now, even though I never talked to him a lot before. I just missed the sound of his voice.
Finally he loosened his grip and so did I. I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and then he walked out of the room and downstairs. And I heard two pairs of footsteps exit the house.