You're Gonna Love Me

“So you’re just not talking to me now I take it?” I asked as Mikey and I walked down the hallway to class. He hadn’t said a word to me all day and there was only one class left that had to be a new record for him.

“I told you to stay away from him!” he replied.

“Wait, you’re mad at me, because I’ve been spending time with your brother?” I asked in amazement, I know Mikey didn’t like the idea of Gerard and I, but I never thought he’d get so worked up over him helping me with an essay!

“Yes!” he clarified then he sighed. “Look, it’s not that I’m against you and Gerard being together, but, first Gerard is perfectly straight-.”

“No oneis perfectlystraight.” I interjected; he glared at me before resuming his monologue.

“And second, you don’t exactly have the greatest record for relationships.”

“So I’ve been through a few break ups? What’s the big deal?” I asked with a shrug.

“A few? No Frank, a few is two or three. Twenty-sevenis going way beyond just a few. And besides, you’venever experienced a break up in your whole life, because you’re always the one doing the breaking! I just don’t want my brother hurt.” He confessed.

“Mikey, look, he was just helping me with my history, nothing happened. Trust me, if it had, you’d know about it. And, did it never occur to you that I actually genuinely like Gerard? And that I want to be with him?” I asked, he looked at me for a moment before replying.

“Nope.” He replied simply as we headed into our History class and sat down. “Frank, you don’t date people because you like them, you never have. Dating is just some game to you. You’ll take anyone, and you don’t care if you break their heart.”

“That’s really what you think of me?” I asked.

“No, that’s really what I know about you.” He replied and turned towards the front of the class. I sat there in shock, yeah I’d had a lot of relationships, and no, none of them ever really turned out well, but the one thing I certainly wasn’t was a user. Sometimes, I’d go out with someone, and realize that they weren’t the person I thought they were, so I didn’t call them back again, but I had never deliberately used someone, ever. And I would never intentionally break someone’s heart either. And if that was the impression that I had given off, then I guess I just had to prove everyone wrong.

- - -

I hadn’t said another word to Mikey that day, and I didn’t bother going to his house after school, instead I headed over to the park. It sounds like a stupid place to go, but the park was the one place that I could just be completely alone. It wasn’t the first time I’d come here to think, and I knew it probably wouldn’t be the last either, but there was something about sitting underneath – or in, depending on how much energy I had – a tree, and watching the world pass by that just made me feel so peaceful. So here I was, sat in my tree, staring down at the grass below, everything Mikey had told me was swirling around in my head, as I tried to understand why he would think that about me. I wasn’t that kind of person, and he should know that more than anyone, he was my best friend. I thought he would always be the one person who would never judge me, but would just accept me, and all my flaws.

I suppose that’s probably why Gerard refused to go out with me, because he knew of my so-called reputation. Really, I should have asked him why, and what he really thought of me. But I’d rather not know anymore.
I sighed to myself, gently swinging my legs back and forth. I didn’t really care if I fell. It’s not like I hadn’t fallen out of a tree before. It was no big deal. I looked up from the ground beneath me, and that was when I saw him, sat on the grass a few feet away with a sketch pad resting on his knees and a pencil between his fingers, his hand dancing delicately across the page.

I sat just watching him as he drew, after a while he stopped and looked up, his eyes glancing around, but then his gaze landed on the tree I was sat in. I froze; if he saw me he’d probably think I was some creepy stalker. I watched as his expression changed from confusion to amusement, he raised one eyebrow and the chuckled lightly to himself, he gestured in my direction, I sighed, It was clear that he knew I was up here, he turned back to his drawing, a small smile on his face. I jumped down from the tree, landing on the grass with a soft thud. I headed over to him, and stopped in front of him, he stopped drawing and looked up at me, a calm expression on his face,

“So, what were you doing in that tree exactly?” he asked with a smile, I sighed and sat down beside him.

“Thinking,” I replied.

“About what?” he asked

“Just… stuff.” I shrugged, he just looked at me, a knowing expression on his face, I sighed. “Gerard, what do you think of me?” I asked him.

“What do you mean?”

“Well… it’s just… it’s nothing. It’s just something Mikey said earlier, forget it.” I mumbled, he sighed and sat his sketchbook down.

“Frank, I know you and Mikey are best friends and everything, but, does it really matter what he, or anyone else thinks of you? As long as you like who you are, you shouldn’t worry about it.” He advised. I looked up at him.

“I am though. I know I’m not the nicest person in the world, and I know that I haven’t had the greatest love life, but… am I really a user?”

“In my opinion, I wouldn’t imagine so. I can’t judge you very well because I hardly know you, and we’ve never dated, but you’re a nice guy Frank. I know you’ve had a lot of… failed relationships. But so has everybody.” He shrugged.

“Not everybody’s had twenty-seven of them though.” I muttered, “It’s just… Mikey seems to think that, I use people, and break their hearts, just because it’s usually me that breaks up with them. But I’d never do that to someone intentionally. I’m a lot of things, but I’m not like that.”

“Alright, have you ever in your lifetime, dated Mikey?” Gerard asked.

“Ew, No!”

“Well then he has no idea what he’s talking about. He can’t judge you based on something he knows nothing about, and neither can anyone else.” Gerard said, I smiled softly at him. “Anyway, I better get going. I’ll see you around.” He said as he stood up, picking up his sketchbook as he did so. “Oh, uhm… here, I thought you might want this.” He said softly, pulling a piece of paper out of it and handing it to me, he smiled gently at me and headed out of the park. I sat watching him until he was out of sight. I looked down at the piece of paper in my hands to find that it was the drawing of me that I had found on his desk a few days ago. I smiled to myself and stood up, quickly brushing myself off, before heading out of the park, and starting my walk home.