You're Gonna Love Me

“Do you have some sort of tree fetish or something?” Gerard asked as he sat down underneath the tree that I just so happened to be sat in, pulling his sketchbook and a pencil out of his bag.

“No. It’s just peaceful up here. It’s a good place to come and think.” I told him as I dropped down from the tree, landing on the grass beside him with a soft thud. He looked up at me for a moment and I sat down beside him as he flipped open his sketchbook and onto a blank page.

“About what?”

“I told you all of that the other day.”

“So, you come here to sit in a tree and worry about what people think of you?” he asked. “Man, your life is exciting.” He added sarcastically, I rolled my eyes at him, he smiled.

“It’s not just that, there are other things too, but more recently it’s been that.” I told him, “Why are you so interested… I mean, I thought you hated me or something.”

“Frank, when have I ever told you that I hated you?” he asked, I shrugged in response. “In my opinion, you seem like a pretty nice guy… you can just be kinda obnoxious and arrogant at times.” He replied honestly.

“Wow, thanks. You really know how to make a guy feel better,” I told him sarcastically, he chuckled lightly.

“I said it before, and I’ll say it again, you don’t need to worry about what other people think of you. If you like who you are, then you have no reason to be concerned.”

“But, I don’t like who I am.” I admitted, “That’s the whole problem. I can’t, because I know that what everyone thinks about me is true.” I told him, he sighed.

“Frank, I can’t give you any other advice. If you want to change for you, then go right ahead. But if you’re changing who you are, just so you can fit in, then you’re not being true to yourself. You might as well be living a lie… well, actually, you probably would be.” He said before turning to his notepad and letting his pencil dance delicately over the page. I sighed inwardly as I pulled my knees up to my chest. Gerard was the first person I’d met in a long time who’d been honest with me. I suppose it was refreshing in a way, to find someone who wasn’t just pretending to like me, or who just didn’t like me at all. I respected his advice, but the only problem was that I had no idea what to do with it. I wasn’t the person I was raised to be, and I was fully aware of that. I wanted to be different, but I didn’t even know how to begin to change my ways.

I ran my hand through my hair and stood up, quickly brushing myself off before turning to the tree behind me. I let my hands settle on two of the branches and hauled myself up; balancing my weight out as I moved towards a branch that I knew could support my weight. I sat – or more perched – on the branch, leaning up against the trunk of the tree for further support. I looked out past the mass of twigs and leaves at the sky, which was more of a grey color, as opposed to the blue that it had been earlier that week, letting my mind run over what Gerard had told me. I still had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do with the advice, but at least I had it.

- - -

I couldn’t tell you how long we sat there – me in the tree, Gerard on the ground – in silence as Gerard drew and his words floated around in my head as I made an attempt to work out what to do with those words, but I can tell you that it was well over two hours. The sky was beginning to grow darker, and the temperature was dropping. Gerard stopped, and glanced up at the sky, before shutting his sketchbook and pushing it back into his bag, before standing up and slinging the bag over his shoulder.

“Are you planning on staying up there while it rains?” he asked, turning around and looking up at me. I looked up at the menacing grey clouds that loomed over us and then back at him for a moment, before letting myself drop to the ground. He smiled gently at me and headed towards the park exit, gesturing for me to follow him.

“Thanks, for the advice.” I told him, he smiled in response. “Can I ask you something?” I asked and he nodded. “Is staying true to myself the most important thing, if it means that I lose any friendships that I may have had before?”

“We’re talking about Mikey here, aren’t we?” he asked, I nodded. “Look, if he was a realfriend, then he would look past what other people think about you, and he would see the real genuine you. If he’s thinking badly about you, then he’s not a real friend. Sometimes it takes a situation like this, to find out who your real friends are… and sometimes you might think that you don’t have any. But something or someone always comes along in the end, and it’s normally completely unexpected.”

“Were you referring to yourself there?” I asked, he laughed.

“If you wanted me to be, then yes, I was.”