My Road Trip

Oliver Sykes.

His kisses still lingered on me. I could still feel the warmth from his arms around my waist. I could still feel everything and it bugged me. Like it extremely bothered me to the point where I wanted to scream and shout and punch something. I was upset, I was mainly upset with myself for letting this happen. I am not really happy with myself.

I laid there in my bunk, my back toward the open. I bunched up my blankets and hugged them. I stared at the wall, I have been up for hours now staring at this damn wall. I heard all the guys get up and shower and get ready. I wasn’t in the mood to get up quite yet, I will when someone comes and wakes me up. Like if they need my help or something. Which I highly doubt.

I know the guys will be playing a lot today and working their merchandise tent as well. Doing autographs and selling their merchandise. I don’t really see where I could help, I just feel out of place and in the way of all of them. Pessimistic thoughts? Definitely.

The bunk door opened, thudded against the wall. Footsteps walked up to me then stopped, I let out a tiny sigh. “Psst, Remmie.” they said. It sounded like Matty.

“Hm?” I murmured. Not sure why he was bothering me. I guess this is their tour bus so he can do what he pleases.

“You’re gonna help us today. You are gonna be our little merch girl.” Matty said.

I rolled over and he was bent over, looking down at me. His hands in his front pockets, his beanie keeping his bangs out of his eyes. I let out a yawn and stretched before sitting up. “What do you need my help with?” I asked rubbing my eyes.

“Sit out there with us, where this shirt,” Matty tossed a shirt on my head. “Show off our merch. I am sure we can sell a lot without your help but it will give you something to do.” Matty ruffled my hair before smiling. I shook my head.

“I guess I can do that. When are you guys leaving?” I asked crawling out of my bed.

“In a little bit, thought I would come wake you up,” Matty stood and let out a yawn himself. “Oh and for lunch we’re making subs on the bus.” I nodded and Matty left the bunk room.

I looked at the shirt Matty gave me, it was a deep dark purple color, it had Bring Me The Horizon on the front with some cool design behind it. The bottom left corner of the design went down the left side and onto the lower back. I shrugged, it was pretty tight looking. So I slipped my charcoal skinnies on, pulled a tank top on then the shirt over that. The sleeves were a little long, so I rolled those up a bit. Grabbing a pony out of my tote, I just put my hair into a cute pony. Not in the mood to tease it, I also put some light make-up on. Just eyeliner and mascara, made sure the eyeliner wasn’t to much.

I was unfolding a pair of socks as I walked out into the common area. The guys were lounging around, I leaned against the counter and pulled my socks on. “Hey Remmie, love your shirt.” Matty said laughing.

I just smiled. “Oh my god really? Thanks so much Matty, someone came in and tossed it on my head.” I smiled and walked over to the table and took a seat. Lee was reading something and I let out another yawn.

“Now sleepy head is up, we can head over to the merch tent now.” Oli said walking out of the bathroom fixing his hair. I glanced at him out of the corner or my eye. He wore dark blue skinnies and some dark gray T-Shirt with the sleeves rolled up like mine.

We all got up and headed off the bus, toward their merch tent. It was sunny today, a few clouds here and there. It wasn’t entirely cold, cut tolerable. kind of comfortable. I looked around the place and there were teenagers everywhere. I looked ahead again and the Bring Me The Horizon tent came into view. We walked in and went to the front where the tables were. Shirts and shirts were piled everywhere and same with boxes.

The guys took their seats and people were coming and going. I decided not to sit next to Oli, so I walked over to Matty, taking a spot next to him. I propped my feet up I pulled my Gameboy out and started playing. Matty shook his head and chuckled. I smirked.

People kept coming and going. Taking pictures with them getting their autographs. I was getting pretty bored and I had to work. They made me run and get more shirts from boxes or hats or shorts, etc. I wasn’t expecting to be put to work, I was not use to that. I didn’t like it.

Oli kept looking at me, his eyes wondering over my body. Then he would look at me and back to the customers and fans. It irritated me, because I wanted to know what was running through that mind of his. Knowing him, probably something dirty. I let out a sigh and plopped down next to Matty.

I folded my arms and rested them on the table behind Matty. I rested my chin on my arms. “What’s the matter Remmie?” Matty asked not even looking at me. He was leaning back in his chair with his hands folded on his lap. The fans were surrounding Oliver now.

“What are you talking about? Nothing is wrong, just tired.” I lied.

“Remmie I am not stupid, I know something is up.” Matty said looking at me. He still had that beanie on holding his hair in place, I chuckled at that. Matty looked serious so I shut right up.

“Yeah Remmie, we can tell something is bothering you.” Lee said leaning forward so he could look at me.

Great, do both of them know? Did they see Oliver and I last night? I thought, I tried not thinking back to last night.

“What are you two, my parents?” I said sitting up and crossing my arms, glaring at the fucking ground.

“Nope, but I did see you and Oli last night.” my head snapped up to look at Matty. My eyes wide with horror. Great, my life is over. I thought.

“What are you talking about?” I tried to play it off like it was nothing or it didn’t happen.

“Oh come on Rem, don’t play dumb. I saw Oli holding you in his arms and you two kissing all fucking night long. I saw that look in your eye, you were enjoying yourself. So was Oli, he actually had that look to where he actually likes you. And it was not just a lust one night stand thing.” Matty said nodding his head like he was smart or something.

“What?” I asked again.

“Remmie, Oli likes you, he likes you a lot. Aren’t you wondering why he isn’t trying to throw himself at you anymore? He is actually being nice and considerate to you, because he knows now you don’t like when he throws himself at you. And he has become very fond of you. He told us all that he likes you, a lot. So we were all waiting for you to realize that you like him too. You are the first girl that he actually likes as in a girlfriend way.” Lee said. I feel like I was being perched too.

I stared at them, letting what they said sink into my brain. Or the best that it could at the moment. Oliver Sykes… likes me? This cant be true or anything. He was a guy that fucks and chucks he doesn’t hold relationships. They’re lying. I thought. Part of me wanted to believe them but part of me didn’t wanna hear it.

I looked at Oliver, he was staring at me. The adoring look in his eyes again, he was completely ignoring his little fan girls that were jumping up and down and screaming. Shoving their posters or whatever they had in front of them for him to sign. I looked away from him, back to the ground. I didn’t know what to think anymore, Oliver and I dating? That would never happen, it would never work out.

“You’re both lying.” I said looking at Matty and Lee.

“We’re not lying to you Remmie, we are telling you the truth.” Matty said. It sounded as though he wanted me and Oliver to be together.

I stood up and looked at them before walking away. “It would never work out anyways.” I walked away from them and out the back of the tent.

I hurried away not wanting to be around them at the moment for now. I heard footsteps running up behind me, they just don’t know when to quit did they. “Remmie wait!” they grabbed my arm and stopped me, turning me around. I looked up at Oliver. “Remmie can I talk to you please.” he was begging me with his eyes.

“No Oliver, just let me go.” I said trying to pull my arm away from him, but he had a strong grip on it. He pulled me closer to him.

“Please Remmie I just wanna talk to you.” he was begging again, it was sort of cute. No! Stop it Remmie! I thought yelling at myself. I looked up at Oliver.

“Just let me go Oliver, I don’t want to talk to you,” I said. “Just leave me alone!”

“Remmie please-”

“OLIVER LEAVE ME ALONE!” I yelled at him. I was upset, I was mad, I was about to cry. Oliver stared at me, his grip on my arm slowly letting me go. I stormed away and onto the bus. Slamming the bunk door and falling onto my bed crying.

The rest of the afternoon went by in a blur. The guys came on to make their lunches and Curtis came into to check on me and see if I was hungry. I told him I wasn’t even though my stomach yelled at me saying it was. Then he sighed and left me alone, closing the bunk door behind him. For the rest of the day no one bothered me. Matt came in to let me know that they were going to their gig now and will be back in a couple of hours. I just mumbled him a ‘okay’ and then he left too. So I was alone on the tour bus for hours, crying and crying.

I sat up in my bed, rubbing my eyes feeling my make-up smear. I didn’t care at this point. It was dark in the bunk room. I checked the time and saw it was midnight, I sighed before getting up and stumbling my way to the bathroom. I walked in closing the door and flipping the light on. I was a wreck.

My hair was everywhere, my eyes were red and puffy, my make-up was smeared all over my eyes and down my cheeks a little. I sighed and grabbed a wash cloth, running it under water and wiping my make-up off. I grabbed my brush, pulled my hair out of the pony it was in and yanked the fucking brush through the mess. It hurt like a fucking bitch but I didn’t care.

I bet you wanna know the real reason why I was crying. Well, maybe I was crying because I was happy to know that Oliver liked me more than just a booty call and that he saw me as a girlfriend type. Or maybe I was crying because I didn’t want Oliver to like me like that and I didn’t want to like him like that either. You can pick which one you think, I just know it could never work out between us.

I dropped my brush, new tears brewing and running down my cheeks. I threw my hair back up into a pony and shoving open the door. I heard the guys walking onto the bus, I quickly walked into the bunk room and grabbed the sweatshirt off the floor by my bed. I think it was Oliver’s checkered one but I didn’t care, I was going for a walk, I needed some fresh air.

I yanked that on as I walked out of the bunk room, passing the guys as I did. I buttoned the sweatshirt up walking down the steps to outside. I pulled the hood up and my hands found the pockets. I walked quickly from the bus, it was lit up like a city here, so it wouldn’t hard to find the tour bus again. I wasn’t sure where I was going but I was going somewhere.

Walking around for about ten minutes, I found this little park thing. There was a water fountain shooting water up into the air and it was lit up. There were benches around it, I thought it was odd to have something like this at a rock festival but whatever dude. No one was here thank the fucking lord. I took a seat on a bench.

Bringing my legs up, sitting cross legged, my hands were still in my front pockets. I stared at the fountain, feeling really tired all of a sudden, I could sleep on this bench tonight. Risk getting raped or something. Or freeze to death, it was so damn cold out now.

I heard footsteps crunching on sticks and rocks and gravel behind me. My body tensed but I keeping staring forward. The person took a seat next to me, I gnawed on my bottom lip, I knew who it was. “Remmie, can I talk to you please.”

I looked over at Oliver, he was staring at me. I couldn’t read his emotion right now, my eyes were drooping and I couldn’t read much of anything. “I don’t wanna talk.” I said getting up to walk away. I didn’t wanna be next to him.

Oliver got up from his spot and grabbed my arm, forcing me to turn around and look at him. I couldn’t look at him, I just couldn’t. My eyes stayed down. “Well don’t talk just listen,” he said. Oliver wasn’t even drunk, I didn’t smell any alcohol on his breath or him. “What Matty and Lee said was true, I do like you Remmie, I like you a lot. I have never liked a girl as much as I like you. So I am not quite sure how to act or what to do, to make you like me back. I know you don’t like me throwing myself at you so I stopped that. I am trying to prove to you that I do have a soul and I don’t just fuck and chuck girls.

“I had one relationship in my life and that didn’t work out. So that is where I went to fucking random girls. But with you, I wanted to do that at first but having you around all the time now. And seeing how fun it is to hang out with you and such. I don’t wanna do that anymore. I stepped back and actually took a good look at you. You are sweet, caring, charming in your own way, and gorgeous. And every time I see you I get this funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. I am not entirely sure what that feeling was but now I know what it is. I like you Remmie, I like you a lot a lot a lot. And I do wanna be with you, I just don’t know how to make you like you back.” I looked up at Oliver, he was on a confession roll right now. Throwing all his emotions up into the air for me. This was what I wanted to hear but not at the same time.

“No Oliver, no. It would never work.” I said.

“What do you mean? You don’t like me?” Oliver seemed a little hurt. I sighed.

“No Oliver, I do like you. I didn’t realize it ‘til two days ago. How much I did like you and how much I was jealous of all your fan girls taking up your attention when I wanted your attention on me. But after last night I realized that it just could never work between us.” I said, tears building up again.

“It could Remmie. But why do you say it wouldn’t?” he asked.

“Because Oliver!” I pulled away from him, stepping back and shaking my head while looking at him. “You are a famous rock star! Everyone loves you! Everyone would die to be with you! Who am I? I fucking NOBODY. Just some homeless girl you picked up from a club in Berlin! I shouldn’t even be on tour with Bring Me The Horizon, I should still be in Berlin homeless and shit like that. This relationship wouldn’t go anywhere anyways! After you guys get back to Yorkshire to drop me off and finish up your tour. You all will forget about me and go back to fucking and chucking! And I don’t want that, I don’t want my heart to be broken!”

Tears were pouring down my cheeks now. It was true, after they dropped me off at my house they would forget about me and wont remember my time with them. And that will kill me. If I do get close to Oliver and then he forgets me, I don’t want my heart to be broken. It has been broken so much in the past I cant handle another heart break.

I buried my face into my hands, I just wanted to die or get the hell away from Oliver. But I felt two arms wrap around me and pull me into a hug. I didn’t want this, I didn’t want Oliver’s arms around me but I couldn’t find myself to pull away from him. I was just lying to myself, of course this is what I wanted. I wanted his arms around me, I wanted to feel safe and secure in his arms. Which I did.

Oliver stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head. I looked up at him through my tear filled eyes. He wiped my tears away, I sniffled. “I wanna be with you Remmie, badly.” he said.

I shook my head. “It would never work out Oliver.” I choked on my own damn words.

Oliver chuckled and shook his head. “I’m Oliver fucking Sykes, I can make anything work out.”

Oliver brought his head down to mine, my arms went around his neck, my finger tangling in his hair. His arms tightened around my waist and I was lost in his kisses all over again.