I Won't See You Tonight

It was day one and I was scared as hell.

There was so much that Jimmy and I had to go over. He had to go through so much. I was scared for him. I was witnessing it by choice. By anybody else's standards I didn't have to help him. It was just my personal vendetta that made me do it. There really was no other choice in my mind.

"Jimmy..do you feel up to school today?" I asked as I shook him awake.

"Do I have to?" He groggily asked.

"Would you rather stay in some stranger's house all day? All alone?" I asked, and he seemed to think about it.

"It would just make it a lot easier for me if you did go. Please?" I requested when he didn't respond. He simply nodded and got out of bed. My bed. I still had to figure out our sleeping arrangements.

"So, I can stay then?"

"They said you could stay here for a month. So, we have to try and work a little fast." I said and he nodded again and walked to my bedroom door and stopped.

"Can I use your shower?"

"Of course." After all, it was his for a month too.

"Where is it?" He asked sheepishly. I smiled to him and got up and showed him the way. I then made my way back to my room and continued to get ready for school. I picked out a Batman shirt with quarter length sleeves, jeans, a stud belt, gray converse, and my usual Misfit's necklace.

I was dressed by the time Jimmy got out of the shower. I was doing my make-up when he came in. Neither of us said anything. It was quite an awkward moment and I'm not sure why.

"I'm gonna get some clothes from my car." He said and was gone in the next second. I finished up my make-up as he came back in, duffel bag in hand.

Might as well get this over with. "Jimmy, we have to get rid of any drugs that you have."

"I know." He said slowly. He started to clutch his bag to his chest.

"Just think of why you're doing this, that should make it a little easier." I suggested. He nodded again and handed me his duffel.

"Do you have anymore anywhere else?"

"Some in my car."

"Can I trust you to get rid of all of it?" I got another nod in response. He then turned and headed back to the car. I thought of watching him through the window, but realized that would show lack of trust in him. In order to get him though this, he had to trust me.

I took a deep breath and unzipped the duffel bag.

The contents consisted mostly of clothes, but I did only a bit of digging and was able to find a few baggies. I held onto the baggies and took another deep breath before putting them into view.

The drug inside was a white powder. Cocaine.

I cursed to myself. This was not a drug that could be quit cold-turkey. It was a very time-consuming detox as well. I would have to find somewhere safe for Jimmy to go after his month was up here. There was no way he could be done with the drug after just one month.

Jimmy walked in and seen me holding the baggies. He stared down at the floor.

"Is this all you're doing?" I asked. He gave me another nod.

I was beginning to think that his hyper-active personality was from the drugs. It was definitely a side effect of cocaine. As well as weight loss, and Jimmy was tiny. Width wise anyway.

"How long have you been using?"

"I'm not sure. A couple months?" He said, and glanced up at me again.

"We're going to have to get you a doctor appointment. I believe with cocaine there are medicines needed for a complete detox."

"It's absolutely necessary?" He asked, looking right into my eyes. He looked scared, and ashamed.

"Yes." His face completely fell. "I'm sorry." I added as an after-thought. He simply nodded.

"We should get going. Don't want to be late for school." I said and stood up, grabbing my bag. Jimmy nodded and headed out with me. He looked so down.

"Just think of Tessa, Jimmy." I suggested.He jerked his head up at me.

"Tessa..."

"Your sister loves you. She doesn't want to see you like this. Surely you don't want her to either?"

"No." He said as he got in the drivers seat of his car. I hopped in the passenger seat. I looked over at Jimmy and seen him through the window.

He had a shocked, almost hurt expression on his face. His fingers were tensed up around the straps of his backpack. He stood in place, two doors down from my house, one up from his.

"Zacky..." I said out loud on accident. Jimmy looked from me and out of his window.

"Should we give him a ride?"

"If you want. It's your car." I said. Jimmy rolled down his window and called out to his friend.

Zacky snapped out of his shocked-state and began walking toward the car.

"Hey, man." He put on a smile. Why did it seem so fake to me?

"Want a ride?" Jimmy asked.

"Sure." He agreed and climbed in the backseat.

"You coming to practice tonight?" Zacky asked. Jimmy looked to me. I gave him a nod of encouragement. Was he really asking me permission?

"Yeah." Jimmy said,and the car grew silent after that. It wasn't until that moment that I realized Zacky hadn't spoken to me.

I wasn't sure why, but it made me really upset. I mean sure, I had absolutely no intentions of being his rebound. But that doesn't stop my feelings for him. I still very much cared for him and did not want him to be out of my life.

"I see how it is, Zack." I said with a smirk as I turned back to look at him. He seemed sort of shocked, but a smile still crept onto his face. With that, my smirk turned into a full-on grin and I turned back around.

"What do ya mean?"

"I don't get a 'hello' or anything? Geez, I'm feelin' the love here." I said as I looked out of the window. I'm pretty sure the huge grin I had was making me look like a total idiot.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Emelyne. Hello, how are you this morning?"

"I'm okay. How are you?" I fixed my grin to a small smile and turned to look back at him again.

"I think I'm alright." He smiled at me. My grin came back, and his smile widened. We sat there grinning at each other like idiots.

It was one of the weirdest things that had ever happened to me. So, I turned around and resumed looking out of the window.

As much as I wished I could, I couldn't get rid of the butterflies that filled my stomach.

It was just, Zack admitted that he liked me yesterday. As much as the pessimist side of me says that it was all just a rebound act, the other side believes that there actually was some truth in it. The way we were just smiling at each other and the way he perked up when I spoke to him was a little proof to that. He just had to be completely over Gena before anything could ever happen to us. That was my only problem.

We arrived at the school in no time at all. Cars really were so much faster. I think I might enjoy the month of transportation to and from school.

We exited the car and met up with our friends at the usual spot. Everyone greeted Jimmy a little more enthusiastically than normal, but tried to contain their excitement. I chose to sit next to Val again.

"Hi, Emelyne." She smiled.

"Hey, Val."

"Feeling better today?"

"Yeah, I got a lot more rest last night. Thank you for asking."

"Of course. So tomorrow's Friday! Any big plans for the weekend?"

"Not really. I probably should go shopping though." I still had to get clothes, and all sorts of decorations for my new room.

"Oh, that sounds like fun. There's a really great mall here in the city." She suggested with a smile. I gathered from her wonderful fashion sense that she went there often. I could picture her being a shopaholic.

"Would you like to go with me? I don't really know my way around yet and I could use another girl's opinion. Shopping alone would just be no fun."

"Yeah," Val grinned,"I'd love to go! We could make it a girl's day out type thing. It'll be lots of fun." Yep, definitely a shopaholic. That's okay, I am a little bit too.

"Should we invite Tessa and Michelle too?" I asked, intentionally leaving out Gena. There was just no way I wanted to spend time with her. She hurt Zacky. Anyone capable of doing that was a bad person and I didn't want to have anything to do with them.

"Yeah, they'd love that. Oh, Emelyne, it'll be lots of fun, I promise." She said, noticeably excited at the idea of a day full of shopping.

"You just look sorta down, and being away from all your girlfriends just is awful. I just know you will enjoy yourself with us. It'll be a good day."

"I'm looking forward to it." I smiled back at her. The bell rang and she waved bye to me, and skipped over to Matt.

"Well you just made her day. What'd you do?" Zacky asked me as he walked to my side.

"Just invited her to do some shopping this weekend. I didn't think she'd get so excited."

"She's a typical girl, she loves to shop. Any excuse to shop is wonderful to her." He laughed.

"I guess I can understand that. I like to shop too, for the most part." It seemed like it was starting to become an every day occurrence for Zacky to walk me to my locker after first bell. I found myself completely okay with that.

We reached my locker a few moments later. I gave Zacky a wave and he smiled that gorgeous smile back at me. I felt the blood rise to my cheeks as I smiled back. It was so hard to try and get myself to not see Zacky in any other way than a friend. But I had to, it was all we could be. For now.

I sighed as I put my backpack away and grabbed my P.E. bag. I headed toward the Gym and was there before the bell rang.

Gym went by slowly, as it always does. I found myself in quite a down mood. Apparently Brian noticed too and entertained me with jokes the whole period. Still, even through that, I was feeling glum all through my second hour study hall and it remained that way as I walked into my third hour physics class.

Matt walked in only a second after I did.

He surprised me; Before I could even make it to my seat he had me locked in a bear-tight hug. I pushed myself slightly away from him.

Matt simply smiled down at me,"You really look like you could use a hug today."

And with that I hugged him back. I might have mentioned it before, I'm a hugger, and hugs are always welcomed to me.

Today, I did need it. I was just shocked that Matt was the one to notice.

"Thanks, I did need that." I said as we released each other and sat in our desks.

"No problem, I like giving out hugs." He said and faced forward.

"You aren't even going to ask why?" I was surprised it came out more than a whisper.

"No, it's not really my business and I don't want to pry. I just want you to know that I am your friend and I'm here when and if you need me." Oh, that Matt.

"Well, you just turned my day around." I grinned at him.

"Good, but if it turns bad again, I'm here." He said and looked down at his hands.

I could tell that he really meant it, and this made me appreciate him all the more. I'm really starting to be thankful that his Frisbee hit me on the head at the beach that day. If it hadn't who knows how long it would have been till I met everyone. I probably would have gotten lost on my first day if Matt didn't give me a tour around.

"It's just," I began as he turned his gaze back to my eyes, "I really do miss it back home. My whole past was there, and I had to leave it behind. It wasn't even really my choice. I'm just trying to help take care of my mom. And I'm really really happy that I met you guys, but that's just brought on more on me. At times it seems like everyone is expecting something from me, at other times I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be.

"I'm just getting so tired of holding all of this in. I haven't even talked to any of my friends since I moved, and it's almost been a week. I just need somebody that I can talk to, and I don't know if I'm making a mistake by talking to you. I really want to trust you."

I don't think he was expecting me to give a whole speech, nonetheless he listened through it all without interrupting me even once.

"You can trust me, Emelyne. I can promise you that. You don't have to hold it in, me or any of the others, will always be here for you. If you ever feel this way, just talk to anyone of us. I know that they would listen to you, and I can promise that I will always make time for you. Okay?" he asked, I just gave a little nod.

"Okay. So, the whole leaving your past behind thing, as sucky as it is, I honestly believe everything happens for a reason. Sometimes you just have to sit back and let it happen. You can't always control what's going on, and stressing out about it doesn't help one bit. Just go with the flow. I don't know what happened to make you have to pick up and leave everything behind, and I'm okay with not knowing, it's your business to tell who you want when you want." That's where I stopped him, with just a look.

I had this epiphany.

Maybe what's been nagging at me is exactly that. No one here knows anything about my past. They don't know why I had to come here. I had to talk about it with someone, anyone. It just wasn't something that you could keep inside you forever.

I looked around the class. Everyone was minding their own business, not very many people were sitting next to us.

"The reason I came here...why I had no choice but to leave everything behind... Matt, I found a dead body."