My Heart Is The Worst Kind Of Weapon

“Gerard.” I hissed, trying desperately to see in the pitch black room, “Gerard, wake up.”

I heard a groan and then saw the shadow of Gerard's head look up from his bed.

“Mrguuh.” I heard him mumble, then smack his head back down on the pillow.

“Get up.” I shook his shoulder roughly, “I need your help.”

“Fuck, Lindsey, can't we talk in the morning.” He grumbled into the pillow.

“Frank asked me to be his girlfriend.”

Gerard shot up so quick it was like he had been struck by lightning. He leapt from the bed and grabbed my hand, dragging me towards the bathroom. I heard him curse as the light came on, blinding the both of us.

He shut the door and turned to look at me, his face bleary. He had sleep crusted to his eyes and his hair was standing on edge. I would have laughed if this situation hadn't been so desperate.

“Please tell me that you didn't say Frank asked you to be his girlfriend.” Gerard said, raising a hand to wipe the sleep from his eyes.

I stayed silent and watched as Gerard finished wiping his eyes. Then he looked at me, “You're not saying anything.”

“You told me to tell you Frank didn't ask me. I can't do that cause he did.”

Gerard mumbled a string of curse words and let out a deep breath, “Well what are you going to do now?”

“I was hoping you would tell me.” I admitted.

“Lindsey, honestly, Frank's my friend. He's been my friend longer than you have. I'm wondering why you can't say yes.”

My mouth dropped, “You're seriously telling me I should be his girlfriend?”

“Why not?”

“Because I-” I quickly shut my mouth. I had almost blurted out the fact that I was engaged, “Gerard, come on, you know all that stuff he said to me the day we had that fight.”

“He apologized, did he not?” Gerard countered, “You guys worked it out. Damnit Lindsey, if you say no, Frank's going to be so hurt again. I told you that he's been through a lot of crap with girls on tour before!”

“You also told me that it would be okay to go out with him, since I make him so happy!” I retaliated, feeling my anger and frustration rise.

“Jesus, that's because I assumed you would want to go out with him!” Gerard almost shouted, “Lindsey, all of the guys have seen how happy Frank is when he's with you. And you can't pretend that you aren't happy when your with him!”

“What are you talking about?” I said incredulously.

“Come on.” Gerard just looked at me, and when I didn't respond he continued, “Ever since you guys have worked things out you've been less uptight. You've cracked more jokes and really opened up to the rest of the band. You're more happy and carefree. Frank brings out the best in you.”

“Wha- I-” I stammered helplessly at Gerard's words. They couldn't be true. Frank didn't bring out the best of me, Dylan did.

“Listen, you want my advice; here it is.” Gerard looked at me harshly, “Go out with Frank, it'll do the both of you some good.”

I could see no way out of this situation. I knew if I said no to being Frank's girlfriend, everything would be messed up. The rest of the guys, not to mention Frank, would probably hate me.

But if I said yes to being Frank's girlfriend, things would also be messed up. First of all, if Frank were my boyfriend, how would I keep that from Dylan? And second, if I agreed to date Frank, I knew that I would have to break up with him when the tour was over, because I needed to get married. Wouldn't it just be better to hurt Frank now rather than later?

But I couldn't help remember the look on Frank's face when he told me it was okay if I said no to him. How could I say no to him and sacrifice my friendship with the whole band?

So, in the end, even though I knew that following Gerard's advice probably wasn't the best thing to do, based on what had happened last time I listened to him, you know what I did?

I listened to his advice anyway.

Again.