If I Only Had the Heart

Three weeks had passed, and Kylie and Matt had talked for one hour at least once a week. That was the time they had decided to set aside for each other, because they were going to try. Even if they were only friends, they still needed to work at it to keep it going. Things were progressing though.

Today in particular though was a day where Kylie was really noticing changes, both good and bad.

She was in the studio with Squire. She wasn’t really sure who the band was, but that was okay. It didn’t matter. The band was new in the studio so they were doing more writing than recording, so Kylie had time to screw around on her computer. She got online and signed into Skype. Matt wasn’t on. She sent him a text message and told him to get his ass online, and then set her phone on the table.

She waited for awhile, but she knew that since it was early where they were that he was definitely still on the bus. And, knowing Matt, he wasn’t sleeping like the rest of the bus was. After awhile, finally, her phone buzzed. She smiled and picked it up. It was a text from Matt. It read:

“Ky, sorry can’t get online today or this week. Really busy. Talk to you later –Matt”

She wanted to scream. This was the second week in a row that he couldn’t talk to her. In normal circumstances, this would be okay. But they just flat out weren’t normal and they both knew that.

Matt was the one who wanted to try harder to be friends. Matt was the one who practically begged her to try again the first time around. She had accepted, but now here they were, not even a month into it again and Matt was already having trouble staying in touch with her.
She sighed and closed her laptop and tried to focus on what Squire and the guys were working on.

***

Weeks were flying by in Kylie’s eyes. Another week had flown by and suddenly Squire had a proposition for her. “We need to fly out to New York City for a couple days to work on some recordings out there. You up for it?”

She smiled. “Of course I am!”

So, that was why Kylie found herself on a plane with her boss and friend, flying out to New York City for a few days.

While she was getting off the plain, taking notice of the light drizzle that had picked up outside, she texted Matt. “In NYC for 2 days; where are you?”

As she and Squire walked towards the baggage area, her phone buzzed in her pocket. She took it out and looked, noticing the message from Matt. “Lucky and perfect timing. Show in Troy NY tonight. See you there?”

She smiled and looked at Squire. “Up for a show tonight?”

He laughed. “Me? No. You? Of course. Why do you think I asked you out here, dummy.”

Kylie laughed and thanked her boss and then the two set out to find their bags.

It didn’t take long, surprisingly. Once they were all squared away they hurried out to their hotel, not far from the airport. They checked in at the Hampton Inn and went up to their room with two king sized beds. Kylie hurried through the wooden door and flopped on the one closest to the window. “These are so comfortable.”

Squire laughed. “I know, why do you think I chose it?”

Kylie laughed and closed her eyes. The jet lag was catching up with her. “What time is it?” she mumbled.

“Almost five. You should probably head out to the venue if you’re going to try and make it in time for doors.”

She nodded but didn’t move.

After some more pestering from Squire, she stood and got ready, washing her face, brushing her teeth, and brushing her hair then throwing on a clean plain white t-shirt and a black zip up track jacket. She put a little make up on and then called it a day. “Good enough,” she mumbled to her reflection in the bathroom mirror.

“You know how to get to Troy?”

“Taxi, Dad,” she laughed at her boss. “I’ll be fine. Don’t wait up,” she smirked, walking out the door and on her way.

***

“Kylie Abbott,” she told the security guard. She prayed Matt had put her on the guest list like he usually did. He had never forgotten, but you never know.

“Sorry miss, there’s no one by that name on here.”

And yet again Matt had proven her wrong.

She glared at the security guard even though it wasn’t his fault. She walked away and took her phone out, dialing Matt’s number. It rang and rang and rang, but he never answered. “Son of a bitch,” she mumbled. Then she dialed Alex’s number. He always answered.

“Hello?”

“I need you to come out and bring me in to the show because Matt forgot to put me on guest list and I’m kind of pissed off right now.”

“What?”

“Just come outside,” she told the singer. He agreed and they hung up. Kylie looked around and started to pace in a small spot. She was kind of mad; yes, Matt was busy. And yes, it was short notice that she was coming. But that doesn’t mean he should forget to put her on guest list, forget to call her three different times, and not have time to basically, be her friend!
Finally Alex showed up. “What are you doing here?” he smiled at her, giving her a quick hug.
“Squire had some business to attend and wanted me to come out. Luckily, you guys happened to be here at the same time so here we are. Unlucky for me, Matt forgot about me I guess.”

Alex laughed. “Alright, come on.”

The two of them walked towards the bus where Matt supposedly was. “Go ahead, I have some shit to do. I’ll see you after the show?”

She smiled a thankful smile and nodded, then walked on the bus.

Right away she saw Matt. He was sitting at the little table towards the front of the bus with his laptop out. He was working, clearly. “Hey,” Kylie said. Her voice wasn’t rock solid but it wasn’t a bunch of cotton balls, either.

Matt turned around instantly and smiled at her. “Hey!” he exclaimed, getting out of his seat. He embraced her but she stiffened. She was still mad and Matt could tell.

“What’s wrong?”

“For someone who wanted me to be his friend so bad, you sure aren’t trying very hard to keep me around. And to think, it’s only been a month and already you’re trying to get rid of me. Imagine that,” she mumbled, pushing by him to sit down on the couch.

“Hey now, come on. I am trying, I’m just really busy with everything on tour right now. This is a major tour and I don’t want to screw anything up.”

She nodded, not looking at him. “Clearly you’re doing something right because apparently now you can see into the future.”

Matt was confused, obviously, so Kylie explained. “I don’t understand how you know what you’re doing a week in advance. I really don’t know what you’re doing that you can’t pick the phone up and have a five minute conversation with me.” She was trying to stay calm and it was working, for the most part.

“Look Kylie, I just didn’t want to get your hopes up. If I was free, then I’d call you, but since I never was I didn’t and therefore you didn’t get hurt. I was doing—”

“It for me? Well stop. Maybe we shouldn’t be friends, Matt,” she told him, standing.

“Come on, Ky. We’ve really gotten—”

“Absolutely no where. Look, I’m going to go catch some of the show. I’ll tell you before I leave.” She stood and then walked away, leaving Matt alone to think.

***

“Thank you, New York! I want to have sex with every single one of you!” Alex yelled out to the crowd, earning a nice round of shrieks and screams.

Kylie laughed from off to the side of the stage. It was All Time Low’s last song and they were going to play Dear Maria to end it on a high note. Kylie danced around to the song and once it was finished she moved out to the bus so she was out of the way. She had experienced that backstage got a little crazy between sets.

She leaned against the bus and started to feel raindrops hit her face. “Shit,” she mumbled, looking up. Sure enough, huge rain clouds were overhead. She laughed and threw her jacket over her head so she didn’t get completely soaked. She couldn’t get on the bus until the guys or someone got back anyways, so she just had to grin and bear it.

She waited and waited and waited, and when she didn’t think anyone was going to come back to the bus, Matt finally came sprinting towards her. “Sorry!” he yelled over the thunder that had just started. He grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the bus, banging on the door with his free hand.

Magically, it opened and the two of them sprinted on the bus. Kylie laughed lightly, shaking out her hair. Matt smiled at her. He thought she looked gorgeous, in her jeans and plain t-shirt and wet hair. Honestly, he thought she looked really gorgeous.

“I have to go finish some stuff up, but I’ll be back in a little bit okay?”

She nodded and took a seat on the couch, laying down. Someone will wake me up, she thought to herself and then drifted off to sleep.

***

Bang!

Kylie was woken up by a loud crack of thunder. She almost peed her pants from the sound, it was that loud. Soon after, the door to the bus opened and the guys (minus Matt) piled into it.

“It’s like a fucking hurricane out there!” Jack yelled, shaking the water out of his hair.

Kylie laughed. “Hey, what time is it?”

“Like ten,” Rian told her. “Why?”

“Because it was like seven when I got on this bus and I slept for three hours. Matt said he’d be right back three hours ago, but whatever.” She stood and fixed her clothes. “I’m going to head out. Squire’s probably wondering where I am,” she smiled at the guys.

After a few protests and some more lightening, they finally agreed. They called a cab for her and she headed out, but not before Alex slapped some money in her hand. “Come on,” she told him but he refused to not let her take it.

“For good luck,” he told her with a smirk.

After a couple more goodbyes, she walked off the bus. She started to walk towards the venue since the rain had slowed slightly, but then decided against it. “Forget it,” she mumbled. “His loss.”

She started to walk out to where the cab would be when it arrived but then heard her name. She almost decided against turning around since the rain was picking up again, but the curiosity got the best of her. She turned and saw Matt running towards her. “Wait!” he yelled, sprinting.

“What Matt?”

“You were honestly going to leave without saying goodbye?”

“What else was I supposed to do? I sat on the bus for three hours waiting for you to come back but you didn’t. I’ve waited countless nights, wondering if you were going to call. I sat disappointed when you didn’t call. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore!”

“Don’t leave,” he told her, his voice sounding kind of helpless.

“I have to, Matt. But what am I supposed to do with you and me? I’m stuck okay? I don’t know if you realized this, but I love you Matt. I’m in love with you. I haven’t stopped loving you. You may do some stupid shit and you may make me crazy, but I can’t help but fall for you over and over again. So what am I supposed to do?”

“Give me a chance, give us a chance!” he yelled over the roar of the thunder and rain. “You just admitted you love me still, so why can’t you give me another chance?”

“Because I’m scared! These past few weeks proved to me that you can’t handle a girlfriend okay? You cannot handle being with me, even if you want to. You want more than your lifestyle can handle and I honestly don’t know what to do about that.” She was crying now, but that was to be expected. She was pouring her heart out, and she wasn’t sure how it wasn’t going to end.

“You know what Kylie? It seems to me that you’ve been more scared when you aren’t with me than when you were.”

“So what are you trying to say, Matt?”

“I’m trying to say, what’s it going to be? Will you try and be my girlfriend again? All I’m asking is to try. I’m not asking for a miracle here, alright? Just… try.”