Don't Blame Me for Being Me

Chapter 6 Part 2
Fall in to you, is all i ever do! (Every you and every me)
On a way back home Brendon and me were at a backseat almost sleeping while Ryan and Dasha were at front and singing along with some radio station. It was sincerely making me smile. After some time I felt Brendon nudged me. I sat up and looked at him questionably.
“Are you tired much?” he asked.
“Um...no...not really. And what?”
“Let’s get some walk. Near your house”, he suggested.
I nodded agreeing. So when our car was in some houses away from the home Brendon asked Ryan to stop. We explained him and Dasha our night wish and got out from the car. They drove away in a comfy and warm vehicle xD. Brendon and me began walking slowly towards chilly 3 a.m. LA air xD.
“Did tequila go away?” Brendon asked.
“No, not completely”, I smiled and wrapped my arm around him.
He slid his arm around my waist. We were walking in a silence.
“How’s work on new album going?” I asked.
“Oh, it’s great. We enjoy the process”, I’ve always noticed that thinking and talking about it make him look so happy and excited xD. “We are working. We have so much ideas. We tracked already the most of the songs actually. But we still have ideas and we come up with them every time we congregate together”, he said.
“I’m glad for you all. I look forward to hear new songs”, I told. “Hey, am I supposed to be in the first row of people who will hear your new album a little ahead of official release?” I looked at him smiling.
“I don’t know”, he spoke slowly and grinned.
I laughed.
“I’ll be there whether you want it or not”, I replied.
“Okay, you’ll hear it. May be even in live”, he said.
“You’ll sing for me?” I asked.
“I dunno. May be”, she shrugged off.
I smiled and didn’t break that silence we had again.
“We have only a week already”, I said trying not to sound sadly.
“It’s not my fault”, he protected himself immediately.
“It’s okay. I know...I’m not complaining”, I said.
“that it’s raining”, he spoke quietly.
“What?”
“Oh, nothing. Just it’s a line from our new song”, he replied. “I’m not complaining that it’s raining, I’m just saying that I’d like it a lot”.
I cuddled to him.
“Sing it”, I asked him softly.
He kissed my temple and began singing. The lyrics are amazing, the mood in the song is bright and light. I just fell in love with it. With the song, with his singing, with that moment at all. Brendon and me even had a little retro dance as his voice was accompanying to us xD.
“Well, that all depends what you qualify as friends”, he sang last words and pulled me close to himself.
“I totally love it. You said you’re not gonna play rock or whatever Panic was before. And I was afraid of it, afraid you would lose something doing this. But not only music describes your style. You, the band, have a charm and smartness in WHAT you sing and play. And I see you’re not gonna change it”, I said my point of view.
He closed his eyes for a moment.
“Let’s be our own band’s critic”, he smiled.
“You wanna have much positive and pleasant articles in press?” I smiled.
“Yeah”, he replied.
“Hey, what’s about indifference and disinterest what the critics say?” I joked singing the lines.
He laughed.
“I love you”, he said beaming.
“So why we had a quarrel on Wednesday?” I asked seriously.
“Oh, fuck. I said I’m sorry. And I mean it”, he replied.
“I know...I know you’re sincerely sorry. But what’s about to stop to argue and quarrel? Last time I tried my best to say nothing while you were acting...like...I dunno...i’m the worst part in your life...But I silently and patiently was listening to your grumbling and I was curbing myself from replying you and starting another quarrel”, I said.
“Till the point”, he added.
“Sure! You were impossible! I got tired to feel like shit you tried to make me then. And I just got annoyed by you!” I exclaimed.
“I’m sorry. I dunno why I was like that”, he sighed.
“Okay. Hope it’s nothing serious to us”, I pulled him to walking again.
I felt I needed some action. Tequila definitely wasn’t gone xD.
“Who do you think is faster? You or me?” I turned to him smiling.
“Me, I think”, he grinned.
I grabbed his hand for balance and took off my shoes. Then I picked them up and stood up.
”Let’s check it”, I said and kissed Brendon passionately.
It was meant to make him not to pay much attention to forthcoming running after me. I felt his hand on a small of my back squeezing it and another one tugging my shirt. Fuck, my plan was defective xD. I ran my fingers into his hair and added some force into the kiss. He replied to it by sliding his arm under my clothes. I couldn’t tear myself from him. After some moments he broke the kiss.
“You taste tequila”, he whispered licking his lips.
I laughed trying to pick my mind together xD.
“You drank too”, I replied but was sure I didn’t feel any alcohol in the kiss xD. “Want more?” I smiled pulling my face close to him and simultaneously keeping his hands off of me. “Chase me”, I said and began running.
He laughed and took my challenge.
“Hey, why it passed twenty foots and you’re still behind me?!” I yelled to him.
“Why it passed twenty foots and you’re still ahead, huh?!” he snapped.
Truth to be told, it was hard to run barefeet. Though most of my life I lived in a village where to go barefeet is normal, my feet are too sensitive. I can go barefeet, but I feel each small stone, each inch of a ground. But pavement was kinda rounded and smoothed. I just had a fear I could step on something sharp. Well, I already saw my house and forced myself to run faster. I had no wish to be caught by my bf xD. But he chased me right in front of the door.
“I won”, he whispered kissing my ear standing behind me.
I threw my head back on his shoulder.
“I know”, I exhaled. “Take your prize”.
I opened the door and we rushed inside. I left my shoes in a hall. Brendon immediately raised me and we walked to our bedroom. My feet were pretty frozen and I needed to warm them up by hot water in a bath. So I jumped out of Brendon’s embrace and ran to the bathroom sliding off of my mini shorts and tights. Brendon came in too when I let a warm stream fill the tub.
“Frozen?” he asked taking off his jacket.
“A little”, I wrapped my arms around his neck.
He kissed me softly and rested his hands on the small of my back.
“You were sexy in your shorts shaking it”, he squeezed my butt. “near my middle, you know”, he continued.
“I KNEW it, baby”, I replied.
He rolled his eyes.
“Oh fuck...I got caught”, he chuckled watching me over.
“I’m on my way to the bathroom, by the way”, I said and kissed him.
“Don’t brush your teeth”, he demanded.
“Why?” I asked.
“Mmmm”, he closed his eyes. “Tequila...I love it”.
“I bet that in the morning you’ll ask me the opposite”, I smirked.
“Anyways”, he grinned.
“Go find our stuffs we left in the car. I need my purse. Go take it back”, I requested.
“Okay, okay”, he left the room.
I changed my shirt to a comfy tank top, grabbed my pajamas from a wardrobe and went to the bathroom. I turned off the stream of water and stepped in the tub. After some time standing there and feeling just good I sat on the edge of the bath. So I didn’t see when Brendon returned. But I felt it as he scared me by abruptly bending me down. I yelled and realized he was holding my back. Horizontally xD. So I could see light blue ceiling and his sheepish smile. I shook my head at him and after some minutes pulling me right and left and just torturing me the ways he wanted he soon placed me in a normal position.
“I’ll never turn my back to you. It’s dangerous”, I smirked straightening my hair as he rumpled it much.
He took a seat next to me and looked around.
“Pajamas?” he asked me.
I looked at him questionably.
“Yeah...”, I replied.
He moved closer and ran his hand on my leg and thigh.
“Are we gonna sleep? After tequila?” he tempted.
I rolled my eyes.
“Can you stop teasing me by this tequila? It’s your fav word or something?” I said.
He was silently eyeballing me and looking so...delicious...and biting his lip...and that half-unbuttoned shirt.
“Fuck the pajamas”, I said smiling and leaned to him.
**************Soundtrack The White Tie Affair – The Letdown**************
He caught my lips by his ones. Kissing Brendon began getting up and raising me too. We both got up and broke the kiss. I was standing in the bath and watching him stripping off of his clothes. And I must confess I was able to watch it infinitely xD. I fastly removed my tank top and stepped out of the bath wishing the most of all to kiss him all over. So I began from his chest xD. But soon Brendon pulled my face up to him. Another driving mad kiss xD. He sat me down on the edge to let me wrap my legs around his waist and that to grab and hold me tightly. After he raised me and carried me as I guessed to washing machine. He placed me there and lowered to kiss my neck. I was shivering as if I was sitting naked in a snowdrift xD. His breath was so electric. Then he moved down to my breast. I placed my hands on his head and leaned against a wall. I was just watching him, his lips, his mouth on my skin...
“Brrrennndon”, I stirred and started sliding off of the washing machine.
He raised me again and began carrying me out of the bathroom. Being in a doorway he let me go. I stood up and pressed him to a wall of the bathroom. My mouth was moving pretty fast all over his chest, stomach, neck.
“No bed tonight, boy”, I said sucking his nipple.
“Oukay”, he exhaled.
Brendon pressed me to himself puling my lips up to his ones and I felt how much he liked that idea. I grabbed his butt and pushed him into the bedroom eventually. We broke another kiss. I pulled a blanket off to a floor. It was meant to be our bed tonight...
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I understood it was morning when I felt the hand of my boyfriend sliding to my tummy under my clothes (I got up at night to dress my pajamas after feeling cold).
“Mmmm”, I stirred and opened my eyes.
We slept the whole night on the floor covering ourselves by a flimsy linen of a sheet. I turned to face Brendon. He was smiling having his hand on my skin. I smiled back.
“Morning”, I said inaudibly, just by my lips.
He leaned closer to and kissed me.
“What time is it now?” I asked looking around.
“Does it matter?” he almost covered me by his body.
I grinned.
“No, exactly”, I replied and flipped us over getting on top of him.
But our morning making-out was interrupted by a knock on the door. I rolled to my side of the “bed”. Brendon sat up.
“It’s actually opened”, Brendon said loudly.
I giggled and wondered who was so gentle – Dasha or Ryan. The door opened and we saw a tray with food and then Dasha carrying that. Brendon and me looked at each other being surprised. At the same time Dasha’s look was darting from me, Brendon and mess of sheets on the floor.
“It’s nothing”, I replied to her questionable look and saw Brendon grinning sheepishly.
Dasha shook her head and placed the tray down near us.
“Oh, thanks. It’s for us?” I said.
“Yeah, sure. Just I thought you were probably hungry and decided to cook. Anyways I had nothing to do”. She replied.
“Thanks once again”, I smiled sitting up.
“And I actually have a request for you...just do me a favor...”, she spoke.
We both looked up at her.
“It’s nothing...just be here. I wanna be sure you’ll not come downstairs. Just commit my ask by being here, okay? Just be here”, she told.
“Oukay”, Brendon spoke slowly.
“We weren’t gonna go out of here, I guess”, I pinched his shoulder.
Dasha smiled.
“So it’s not a problem?” she asked.
“Yeah, if you need us to be here...so...”, I shrugged.
She nodded and was about to go.
“What’s it for, by the way?” Brendon couldn’t curb to ask.
She gave us a mischievous look and closed the door behind herself.
“What’s on her mind though, huh?” I spoke looking in front of me.
“I dunno. We have food so let’s eat”, Brendon already pulled the tray close to us. “Do we have plans for today?” he asked.
I took a plate with omelet and began eating.
“Sure we have plans. How’s about shopping?” I said.
“I like shopping with you”, he said.
“Same to you. We enjoy shopping together, right?” I looked at him.
He had a full mouth of food and was chewing it. And it was dropping out of his mouth.
“Oh my...Brendon! Am I stealing your food from you? Can you eat in a normal way? Can you stop this craziness?” I slapped his knee slightly.
He laughed with still that full mouth. It was disgusting xD. I grimaced.
“It’s just my manners, honey”, he said and swallowed.
“You’re not gonna change them, right?” I asked.
He shrugged off his shoulders meaning “for what?”.
“Then we’ll never have dinners in restaurants”, I said and took another bite.
“I meant it’s just my home manners. I act this only when I’m with close friends or family”, he spoke.
I smiled. He considers me as family and home...Aw...it’s so nice to hear, to realize it xD.
“What are you grinning at?” he asked looking at me intently.
I closed my eyes and shook my head not wanting to spill out that my thought.
“Sure, you’re my family. And any place feels like home if you’re with me”, he spoke.
I looked at him in amazement.
“How you guessed? I just thought about it and you...”, I lost in words.
He pulled me closer to him. We put our plates and the tray aside.
“Can you stop grinning?” he chuckled.
I didn’t realize I had a wide smile on my face xD. I established myself in his embrace.
“I love you. With all your disgusting manners”, I said and kissed his lips.
“Perrrfect”, he stirred.
Well, we kept eating contemplating our plans for today. We meant to go shopping and have a dinner somewhere in downtown. After agreeing we did a little make-out which helped us to forget about Dasha’s request. So we took the tray and plates and came downstairs to a kitchen laughing and talking. We entered the kitchen and saw Ryan and Dasha. They both looked a little...weird. Ryan was only in his pants, Dasha wore his buttoned shirt and her sweats.
“We were making a breakfast”, Ryan said walking back and forth without any obvious aim xD.
“Uhuh”, I said and noticed his boxers on a floor. “Taking off underwear helps much, I see”, I pointed at the spot where I saw his undie.
Brendon chuckled loudly. Dasha clenched her teeth. Ryan looked down at his boxers indifferently. I put the plates in a sink.
“So that’s why we were asked not to come downstairs?” Brendon asked looking at Dasha.
“You’re mean, guys. If we didn’t know, we could interrupt you and see something interesting”, I joked.
“Like you did last week”, Brendon added. “It’s unfair, ya know?”
“Just let’s forget about this all, okay?” Dasha said.
“K, we just wanted to say that we’re gonna have some shopping today”, I told.
“So the house is yours till late afternoon”, Brendon ended for me laughing.
“Oh, c’mon, leave them already”, I pulled Brendon to go out of the kitchen.
We returned into our room.
“Oh, it’s crazy to live such a way. Two young, happily loving, sexy couples of sweethearts”, I said with an irony.
Brendon grinned.
“You wanna live separate?” he asked.
“Um...no. We two don’t stick in the house all the time, we’re always out when you’re here, so I don’t think we bother Dasha and Ryan, as much as they don’t bother us”, I replied.
“You’re right. But if someday you’ll change your mind, let me know, okay?”
“You wanna live separate?” I asked being surprised.
“Not actually, but just...sometimes I think of some place where there can be only you and me and no one else, nothing else. So if you would like to leave our friends someday, it will be just amazing for me”, he spoke.
All I could do then was just simply to nod my head.
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Well, December’s at streets. Our relationships celebrate the fourth month of us being together. But in that day we planned to go out somewhere to celebrate this fact we quarreled. I even can’t say what the reason was and if it even existed at all... As usual.
What’s else? Dasha and me eventually met Spencer and Jon. Spence and Dasha have stuck together at once xD. They like each other’s company. As much as Jon and me enjoy being together. He’s great. All I can say that he’s great and I appreciate our friendship very much.
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Soon boys will have some shows dedicated to upcoming Christmas holidays. Dasha and me will spend Christmas and New Year (and some days after) at our homeland with our own families. So we’ll see our boyfriends only in January. Sad news.