You Always Go And Rescue Me

The days all felt like they were just one long continuous one. I hadn’t done much else than focus on work and I avoided Zach as best as I could. By this point everyone knew what was going on. They guys were aware of the situation and I could tell by the way they looked at us that they weren’t happy seeing how miserable we both were.

David Clarkson came up to me after one of the games and gave me a sympathetic, “Hey.”

“Hey Dave,” I smiled halfheartedly.

“How are you doing?” He was genuinely concerned. He was a nice guy and we were all friends.

“I’m trying.”

“I know that you don’t want to talk to him, but he misses you.”

I swallowed and turned away. It was hard just to hear it.

“Do you miss him at all?”

I looked at him in annoyance. “Every second of every day.”

“You can’t just talk to him?”

“I-I can’t do this right now. I don’t want to hear about how he’s been with her for months or weeks or how he couldn’t resist himself because she made it easy…none of that stuff is going to make me feel any better.” I felt a tear fall down my cheek.

“It’s not like that, Sar. If you’d just listen to him…”

“I know you want the best for both of us, but we need to figure it out on our own. I will talk to him, I just can’t right now.”

“Well by the looks of it, that isn’t working for either one of you. You wouldn’t be so miserable if it were.”

I hugged him. “Thank you for caring.” I knew his intentions were genuine. “I have to get home,” I tried to smile but he knew better than to believe the outward show I was putting on.

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I was hanging on by a thread and just trying to make it to Friday. It would be the first thing that broke my repetitive depressing schedule and I was hoping to just clear my mind.

When Friday finally rolled around I got dressed and was ready to meet Courtney at Madison Square Garden. I greeted the workers who I’d come to know and needlessly showed them my press pass. I walked in and found my friend who was talking with some of the players. I smiled as I made my way over to her because she looked so tiny compared to them. I looked tiny compared to them and I was decently taller than her, so it just looked funny.

When she saw me she smiled and waved me over. “Hey!” She turned to the guys she was speaking with and excused herself.

“What was that all about,” I asked as I got by her. “You working it to the Knicks now?” I joked.

“No. I’m not. They’re nice to me though, and I do see them a lot, so it’s nice to be friendly. It wouldn’t kill you to try it.”

“Woah, what was that for?”

“I’m sorry, but I’m a little upset because I miss Travis.”

“Court why don’t you call him?”

“Because. I can’t. We weren’t as serious as you and Zach and he probably doesn’t want to hear from me.”

“It’s only been a few days, and I know he cares about you. So just call him and stop being so stubborn for once. You can’t let him go because you’re afraid.”

“I know…”

“Now get back to work you little floozy.” I smiled at her and gave her a hug.

Even though I was partially there to keep her company, I still had a seat on the floor. I wanted to enjoy the game and I couldn’t stick by Courtney’s side for the entire night. I saw a couple people I knew and I politely held conversations. The happier I tried to pretend to be the more I realized how much I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life without Zach. I was in an impossible situation.

After habitually running back and forth throughout the entire game I decided that late in the fourth quarter I was going to say goodbye to Courtney and go home. I had put on a smile to mask the pain I was feeling all night and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t watch these couples together, these couples that were so happy and not think of all the amazing times Zach and I had together. I saw us in everything around me. I couldn’t fake that everything was okay when I knew everything was falling apart, when I knew that both him and I were barely making it through our days. But I shouldn’t have felt anything for him- he was the reason we were hurting.

“You’re leaving? This late in the game?” she was shocked.

“Yeah, I just don’t care right now.”

“That’s very unlike you. Are you sure?”

I nodded. “I’m just exhausted.”

“Okay…well, can you call or text me or something when you get home so that I know you made it home alright?”

“Of course.”

She gave me a hug and went back to doing what she had to do. I walked outside through the side exit where I would have some privacy. There was never anyone else there, barely anyone even knew about it. I let out a loud breath and started walking. It was dark and it was late but I didn’t think anything of it. After everything I’d been through the past week or so, it would take a lot more than that to scare me.

Until I felt someone grab my wrist and spin me around. I felt the brick wall hit my back and my head a lot harder than I would’ve thought.

“So you go home with Parise and the second something goes wrong you jump into Marc’s bed?”

It took me a second to snap into it. I was caught completely off guard and I didn’t expect anyone to be in the alley with me. I knew immediately who it was though, and I didn’t know how to deal with him.

“Sean?”

“Who else would it be? I’ve been on you for years and you give me every excuse in the book and not only did you do a Devil but now you’re screwing around with someone from my team?”

He was hurting me now. It hurt when he threw me against the wall and I wasn’t sure if I was bleeding, but all I could feel now was him pressing himself up against me and holding my wrists at my sides.

“No! You don’t even know what you’re talking about. I don’t even know where you’re getting this information from, but it’s not true. Besides the fact that it’s absolutely none of your business,” I angrily blurted out.

“So you’re denying that you went to Marc? You’re denying that things between you and Parise are…complicated to say the least?”

He teasingly but grossly kissed me up my neck and behind my ear. I was disgusted.

“I don’t owe you an explanation for anything I do or don’t do,” I snarled as I tried to push him off of me.

“I knew you were teasing me with the whole innocent thing, but I didn’t think you were this sneaky.” He was angry and frustrated and I could tell by his breathing that he was turned on.

I started to panic. Ordinarily whenever something happened Zach would be there to save me. He never would let anything or anyone harm me, how ironic that it turned out to be him who was the one to hurt me, but I still knew deep down that he would’ve been there for me if I had let him.

“Sean, let me go,” I said defeated, “I don’t want to talk about this. Especially not with you.”

I could feel him through his jeans. I knew this wasn’t going to end the way I wanted it to and I tried to make it harder for him. I squirmed and tried to wiggle free, I stomped down hard on his foot which did nothing but set him off even more. He became more aggressive; he was more violent and relentless, more than he’d ever been in the past.

“You’re nothing but a coward! You ran away every time Zach was here and now that you’re alone with me you decide to have your way. You think you’re this all-powerful god, but you’re nothing but a coward!” I took some kind of hit to my face and started to lose grasp of reality.

“Shut up. You know you’re going to enjoy it. Not as much as I will though,” he smirked.

He was easily overtaking me. He was strong and he was ripping at my clothes; running his hands wherever he pleased, groping me. I wanted to throw up. He was touching all the right places, but the more he did it, the sicker I became. He wasn’t gentle like Zach; there was no love or intimacy there. It was all animal control and lust. When he forced himself into me my body tensed in extreme pain and all I could see in the back of my mind was Zach’s face and the hurt I imagined he would feel when he found out. I was slowly losing consciousness, quietly begging for it to be over. The last thing I allowed myself to feel were the tears running down my face from my tightly closed eyes. I didn't think my heart could break more than it already did, but it had now just turned to dust.