All We Had to Keep Us Safe

The doctor smiled at me. She looked very nice, and she had a soft, kind tone to her voice. “So what brings you here?” she asked almost humorously.

I took a deep breath. Bob was looking at me intently, and I knew he was trying to predict whether I would tell the truth or not. I hated to disappoint him like I knew lying would. Maybe he would even get pissed at me.

I turned away from him, not wanting to see his expression when I lied. “I tripped in my room and hit the wall,” I explained, meeting the doctor’s eyes steadily. “I think I hit my head and passed out. I probably broke my arm, too.”

“That’s rough,” the woman said, glancing almost imperceptibly at Bob. “Is this your husband?”

Forgetting my caution for a second, I looked at him abruptly. To the doctor, he would’ve looked totally at peace. However, I saw the slight downward curl of the corner of his lips: the concealed frown. I also noticed his eyes were burning with hurt and fury. I quickly shifted my gaze back to the doctor. “No, he’s my friend,” I corrected quickly. “When I woke up, I called him because my husband’s at work.”

She nodded. “Alright. Just to go through with procedure, I’m going to have to ask your friend to step out of the room for a few minutes so that I can ask you a few questions.”

Bob nodded, giving me a pleading look before leaving. He wanted me to tell the truth so badly. I couldn’t.

The doctor looked embarrassed now. “I don’t mean to offend you,” she began uneasily, “but I have to ask you this question. Does anyone in your family or any of your friends – or anyone, for that matter – abuse you?”

I shook my head silently.

The doctor was blushing now. “I’m supposed to assure you that anything you say would be confidential and that we could help you if you needed it.”

My confidence didn’t waver for a second. She could not help me and keep my family together at the same time. I didn’t want her help. “No,” I assured her. “I really just tripped.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

I smiled at her. “No problem. I understand that you had to ask.”

She let Bob back in. I looked at him apologetically, and he knew I didn’t tell. He was upset about it, but I knew he wouldn’t say anything himself.

They took x-rays of my arm and found that it was fractured in two places. They put a cast on it quickly, told me I only had a very mild concussion, and then they let me leave. Bob did not say a word to me as we went to pick up Chloe, and I was afraid of what he would say later.

I couldn’t stop thinking of how embarrassed the doctor had been to ask me if I was being beaten. I felt bad. If only she knew that she had no reason to be embarrassed. She’d been dead on, but anyone in their right mind wouldn’t have told her so.

Chloe looked exhausted, so Bob carried her to the car. In the parking lot, she asked me, “Are we going home?”

“Yes, sweetheart,” I told her apologetically. “And don’t forget we’re going to tell Daddy you and I came here by ourselves,” I added.

Chloe nodded, and I wondered if her little brain could comprehend why. We were at the car, so Bob buckled her into her car seat. We both got into the car, and he started driving. He was completely silent, and he didn’t even look at me once. Finally getting fed up with it, I checked to make sure Chloe was sleeping before asking, “Aren’t you going to say something?”

Bob shook his head, keeping his eyes on the road. “No. There’s nothing for me to say.”

I sighed. “You couldn’t expect me to tell them anything. If they knew, they would tear apart my family.”

He shook his head again in disbelief. “I’m not even going to answer you,” he retorted, but then he continued, “You’re out of your mind. I won’t be able to convince you that maybe your family should be torn apart. At least some of it.”

I glared at him. “You want me to leave him!”

“Jade, don’t you get it? Mark is hurting you. That’s not what family does to one another when they love them,” he replied a little loudly.

I snuck a peak at Chloe and lowered my voice, but it didn’t matter because I wasn’t angry anymore; only hurt. “Are you saying that he doesn’t love me?” I demanded quietly.

Bob shook his head. “No, but he certainly doesn’t respect you. I know what you’re thinking. You think he won’t do it again. What makes you so sure?”

I felt tears in my eyes. “He won’t,” I said softly, trying to convince myself as much as him. “He promised.”

He laughed darkly, saying, “People lie. You yourself lied to me to protect him. Jade, what if he hits you in front of Chloe? She’s only two. She won’t understand. She’ll think it’s normal. What would that teach her? So you want her to grow up and marry someone who hurts her?”

I wiped my tears away with my un-casted arm. “Of course not,” I whimpered.

Bob lowered his voice even more. “What if he beats her too? Maybe not now, but when she’s older. Even if he only did it once, are you going to wait until that happens? Are you willing to take that chance? If you won’t leave him for yourself, do it to protect her. Salvage what you can of your family before it’s too late,” he pleaded.

“How would you know what it’s like to have a family?” I shot at him venomously. As soon as the words left my lips, I regretted them. It was such a low blow. His lack of family wasn’t of his choosing. His wife had died before they could have children.

At that instant he pulled into my driveway and stopped the car. He turned away from me, and I saw him shaking. Whether it was from pain or rage or both, I couldn’t tell.

“I’m sorry,’ I murmured, reaching out to touch his shoulder, not knowing how I had said such a thing.

He turned around abruptly and countered, “If I had a family, I sure as hell would do everything in my power to protect them from pain, not inflict it on them. If I had a daughter, I would do what was best for her without letting my own selfishness or even love cloud my judgment.”

I blinked at him, stunned, unable to think of anything to say. He wasn’t finished yet. “I’ll be here if you need me again, but otherwise I’ll stay away like your dictator wants. Maybe one day you’ll see sense. If you do, call me.”

Breathless, I stumbled out of his car as if he had hit me like Mark. I pulled Chloe out of the car and onto my shoulder and carried her car seat to my car. She continued to sleep, and I entered my house and put her in her bed. It was getting late. Mark would be home soon, and I hadn’t started dinner.

I looked down at my daughter thoughtfully. No, Bob was wrong. Leaving Mark wasn’t what was best for her; it was what was best for Bob. What was best for my daughter was to grow up with a mother and father who loved her.