The Pros and Cons of Loving

THAT FRIDAY…

Eric fell asleep early that night and I glanced at my watch. It was nine. Brandon lived about two blocks away. The party probably wasn’t even really started yet.

I could go, hang out until it got packed, and come home. No harm, no foul. Eric wouldn’t even know.

I pulled on my dad’s old Misfits hoodie over my T-shirt as it was cold out. I looked at Eric, sleeping on the bed curled up with his head rested on my pillow. He always looked so calm and peaceful asleep… like he used to be.

I leaned over and kissed him gently, then slipped into my Vans and headed out. Both of my dads were in bed so I just grabbed my key and headed out, feeling the rush. The same rush I’d had in freshmen year when I’d sneak out to Brandon’s to get drunk or high. Then I’d come home and dad would take care of me… he never even yelled. Well, the first few times.

But after that, he just gave up and helped me through it. Sometimes I think he waited for me to get home, then came in my room and slept in case I needed him. Because he almost always was in my chair or floor, asleep, when I woke up hung-over.

It didn’t take long to get to Brandon’s and I saw all of my old friends. It was like old times, really.

Only I wasn’t liking it.

“Aiden!” Brandon hugged me. He was obviously drunk again. He giggled. “Want some beer, buddy?”

I looked around. There were maybe ten people here and an old rock CD was blaring. Surely loud enough to get the police called, but Brandon had never cared before so why begin now?

“Uhm… sure.” I said, taking one. I opened the can and sipped it.

“You are better than this, Aiden! You’re handsome, you’re smart, you’re nice… you are above getting high and getting drunk every night!”

“What does that have to do with you going out with me?” I groaned, looking at Eric. I’d liked him a long time, but last week had gotten the courage to ask him out. He’d said no because of my habits, but I was determined to change his mind.

“Because I refuse to date anyone who… who… degrades themselves like this!” Eric exclaimed passionately, like he really cared about me getting sober.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because you act like a dick when you’re drunk, okay? You get in fights, you’re just hateful… and I’m not dealing with it. You heard my answer, Aiden. No. No, I will not go out with you as long as you’re drinking and doing drugs… you’re really nice, Aiden… I’m sorry.”

I looked at him… at his eyes. He did look sorry.

Did I like this boy enough to give up my weekend parties?

By the way my heart had stopped when I first laid eyes on him, I could safely say I did.

“Okay!” I called as he was halfway to his house. “Okay, Eric! I won’t drink anymore!”

I jogged to meet him. His eyes met mine again.

“R-Really?” he seemed shocked.

“Well yeah…”

“F-for me?” he gasped, then smiled shyly.

“Yeah… for you… so Friday at eight?”

“Sure… I’ll see you at school tomorrow…” he said quietly, his cheeks reddening. “Bye, Aiden.”

“… bye, Eric.”

I blinked a few times, and then drank more of the beer and grinned.

“I bet you’re glad to be away from Eric. He seems more like a mother than a boyfriend.” Brandon laughed.

“Hey!” I snapped. “I love him.”

“Well he obviously hates us.”

“He doesn’t hate you.” I sneered, then shrugged and said, “He’s shy.”

Brandon rolled his eyes. “Okay, Aiden.”

“He is… it takes him a while to get to know people… he’s got really low self esteem.” I took another sip of beer, and then set it down. I couldn’t handle the taste. I gave an involuntary shudder.

“Don’t tell me you don’t even drink beer anymore.” Brandon gasped. “God, he is like your mother.”

“I’m going now.” I said as a crowd of twenty or so kids filed in.

“Your loss, man.” Brandon laughed, and then went off yelling “I’ve got the weed somewhere!”

Cheers erupted throughout the house and I pushed my way through.

The cold air hit me in the face, bringing me back to reality. This wasn’t me anymore.

It took me ages to walk home, though I knew I shouldn’t be out in the cold air where I was still getting over being sick. I felt sick to my stomach, though, and the cold air helped.

My stomach turned and I dropped to my knees, vomiting on the road. It burned coming up and I knew it was the beer, not the supper I’d eaten this evening. My eyes teared up as well and, after I’d emptied my stomach, I stood panting. I hated vomiting more than anything. Especially because anything burned coming up where I’d had so much tubes stuck in me for a whole month.

It seemed to take me forever, but eventually I was in my room. I sighed, took off my hoodie, kicked off my Vans, and headed for the bed.

“Where were you?”

I climbed into bed by Eric, absolutely exhausted. “I stopped by at Brandon’s… you were asleep.”

“Well I fucking woke up.” Eric whispered loudly and angrily.

“I just want to sleep.” I moaned, feeling sick.

“Are you fucking drunk?!”

“NO! NO I’M NOT! I COULDN’T ENJOY IT BECAUSE I FELT GUILTY THINKING ABOUT YOU! SO GUILTY THAT I THREW UP ON THE WAY HOME AND ALMOST COLLAPSED!” I shouted, not caring if dad heard.

“How could you just fucking do that, Aiden?! You know that—.” Eric trailed off, like he was fumbling for words. It was dark so I could only see his outline, but he had sat up.

“That what? You hate my friends?” I snapped.

“I don’t hate them! I hate what they make you!” I could hear it in his voice. He was going to cry.

“Goddamnit Eric, you can’t cry every time I raise my voice at you!”

Wow, that didn’t work. He began to sob.

“Eric, goddamnit!” I snapped.

“Don’t snap at me!” he sobbed. “I hate you right now!”

“You hate me?! I get home and you start yelling at me about all of this shit—.” I was so angry, I could kill someone. I just wanted to shake Eric until he got the sense knocked back into him.

Instead, I reached over and turned my lamp on. Tears were streaming down his face. I reached out to touch him and he flinched. I shook him gently. “Hey… hey, listen.” I said in a quiet voice. “Look at me.”

His eyes met mine.

“I am not going to hurt you ever… and listen… I won’t drink anymore. Period.”

“Y-you already said that.” He sobbed helplessly. “Y-you lied!”

“Eric, come here.” I opened my arms.

He crawled into them. “I don’t want you to leave me like her. I’m sorry I’m so mean. I’m sorry. Don’t leave me, Aiden. D-Don’t ever leave me.” He wrapped his arms around my neck and cried. “Please. I can’t do it without you.”

I rocked him back and fourth, whispering soothing words in his ear. Eventually he calmed down. I thought he was asleep but when I moved to gently lay him down he shook his head, wrapping his arms tighter around me.

I gave a small sigh and hugged him close, bringing both of us to a lying position. It seemed like forever, but I eventually fell asleep.

Aiden’s POV
Three Days Later…

“I don’t care! I DON’T CARE, AIDEN! I don’t care.”

I stared at him, eyes wide. All I’d been talking about was Spanish class. We’d gotten off the bus, walked home in silence, and when we’d sat down it was quiet so I tried to talk about Spanish.

“I’m so fucking sick of you acting like everything is normal! It’s not normal! It’s never going to be normal!” Eric screamed, obviously very peeved about something. But what did I do? I racked my memory, trying to find out what I’d said. And he was sorely wrong in saying I was acting like normal. If that had been the case, we would have been making out or laughing about school. Not yelling at each other.

“What, you want me to mope around because your whore of a mother moved away?” I asked quietly, feeling hurt. It was like he… like he blamed me for his mother leaving… maybe he did. We were gone so long because I’d gotten sick… maybe he thought that was why his mom left. Because Eric didn’t come back…

“Yes!”

“Well I won’t! You are better off without her!” I snapped. “I’m not gonna act like it’s the end of the world! You should be glad you don’t have to put up with her shit anymore!”

“She’s my mother! She left me! She hurt me!”

“I’m supposed to care that someone you hate hurt you when someone I love is hurting me?” I asked quietly, his words stabbing me in the heart.

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” he sneered.

“Nothing, Eric… nothing at all. I’ve got homework.” I said quietly, standing from where I had been sitting on the couch.

“So now you’re pissed at me?” Eric asked.

Usually I lied and said no, or told him I knew he was having a hard time and I didn’t care. This time however, I said, “Yeah, Eric… I’m pissed at you.” And headed upstairs for my room.

I closed and locked the door, then collapsed on my bed. I just needed to think some things through, that was all. Everything would be fine in the morning.

Eric’s POV

I walked into Chemistry class and set my stuff down on my desk next to Tyler, one of Aiden’s old friends. He usually just slept through the entire class and I was surprised to see him sitting up, staring at… me.

“Hi?” I asked.

“Why don’t you quit mothering Aiden and let him do what he wants?” Tyler said in a dangerously low voice.

“What?” I repeated.

“You’re fucking turning him into something he’s not. I knew him a long time before you did, you little shit. You told him to quit drinking and he did. Now he’s changed.”

“Now he isn’t throwing his life away!” I snapped. You see why I hated these kids? And yes, I was well aware it was mutual.

“You’re pathetic. Just because you didn’t have any friends, you had to bring Aiden down with you. You think just because you have a pretty face—.”

“Class, settle down!” Our chemistry teacher said coming in.

I threw myself in my seat. Tyler laid his head on his desk and let out a snore.

I sat, fuming. I didn’t even copy our notes.

I hated them.

I really did.

I hadn’t done anything wrong. Hadn’t forced Aiden to quit doing drugs and drinking. I didn’t mother him.

Don’t listen to him, I told myself taking a deep breath and willing my tears not to come. Just don’t listen.

“Can I be excused?” I asked the teacher.

“Hurry back, Mr. Idle.” She sighed and I ran from the room and into the bathroom, wiping my eyes.

I looked around and saw no one was in there. I slid down the wall and began to cry harder than I ever had. Aiden hated me, my parents and family hated me, Aiden’s family probably hated me. I know his friends hated me. My grades were slipping. I was so angry at everything…

Sobs shook my body until, about forty minutes later, I had cried myself out. I sat there, watery hiccoughing and sniffing. But no more sobs would come.

I regained my composure, waited for the swelling in my cheeks to go down, and then stood up. After splashing cool water on my face and drying it off, I went back trying to block out everything I was feeling. I didn’t want to feel, I didn’t want to be.

By time I got to class, it was almost over. I had sat down for three minutes before the bell rang. Last class of the day. I grabbed my books and headed out, without even a look at Tyler.

I always met Aiden by our lockers, which were near each other. He was waiting for me.

“Hey.” He said quietly.

“Hi.” I said, knowing I sounded mean.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, concern evident in his voice.

“Let’s just get home, Aiden.”

He grasped my hand and led me out towards the busses. We sat in the back and I laid my head on his shoulder, a sick feeling in my stomach.

“Eric, talk to me… did something happen?”

The bus, at long last, pulled up to our stop. We got off and Asher and I exchanged uneasy looks as Eric stormed off ahead of us. “Bye.” I sighed in annoyance before jogging to get to Eric. “What is going on?”

“Nothing! Everything is peachy!” he snapped.

“Eric…”

“Don’t Eric me, Aiden!” Tears filled his eyes and he swung around to face me.

“E—baby—.”

“Don’t… don’t Aiden!” he began to cry, throwing his hands into the air.

“What do you want me to do?”

“Leave me alone… please…”

We walked home in silence. I noticed both of my dads were gone and we walked into the house, alone. Eric threw himself on the couch, glaring and crying at the same time.

“Some… something’s changed, hasn’t it?” I asked quietly.

He nodded, more tears falling from his eyes.

I closed my eyes, fighting my own tears.

“Maybe we should… take a break.” He sobbed.

My eyes snapped open and I looked at him, tears filling them. “What?”

“You heard me. Take a break.”

“B-… break?”

“Yeah…”

We stared at each other. This was the boy I’d woken up next to for… for months. The boy I was going to propose to. The ring was in my dresser… I’d been waiting for him to be happy…

“B-but I love you…” I struggled to get the words out. “W-why are you doing this to me?”

“I’m not happy.” He cried. “I-I don’t know what’s wrong with me! I-I… I just… I need to sort out some shit.”

“W-without me?”

“You know I love you, Aiden…”

I buried my face in my hands. This was just too much… how could he say that, yet leave me? That’s what he did. He left me…

That thought crushed me and I began to cry. We were over just like that? Just… just over? It didn’t seem possible… after all we’d been through.

HOW COULD HE LEAVE ME?

As you all know, I may be losing net in my room. I will still be able to update, just not as often. Just wanted to let y'all know that I'm not abandoning my stories if this does happen.

And you should comment because if you do, I'll update again TONIGHT after 24.